(or applicable tips) Go to an event, fair, park. Find someone who looks mildly relaxed, not completely preoccupied. Maybe 50 % of the people are in this decent mood. Approach them without needing a ‘reason’. Play and connection are your reason. Perhaps ‘play’ sounds silly. Then think of it in a subtle way. Play is your ability to enjoy. Underlying all people have this need for human company and some kind of enjoyable experience, so talking to strangers is not as silly as many of us think, or we fear it is, in fact it is actually essential and community building. People are build to need each other, even those who don’t know this, still need it on the cellular level, and will thank you and feel grateful without knowing why, when you feel practiced and relaxed with this yourself.
Notice a person, visualize some vague sense of what the person might be thinking feeling based on their situation, their environment. Think about this, and then let the thoughts go. Draw attention to the pleasant (sensations, fun noticings); imagine the energy within you, focus attention on what makes you feel good, notice all the color and environment energy your body is receiving.
Walk up to them.
Nice you may already feel an ‘energetic connection’ with them even before they overtly notice you. This connection may come from your eyes or skin.
Say “I love your art” (if they’re painting) or “I love you outfit”. Even if you’re not an artist, or clothing designer, they may be happy just to see someone is interested. It gives them a chance to tell someone what they are doing, why they are doing it. It feels like a connection has happened.
Or use a statement “I love the park”
A question “hows the food here”
Or ask them for directions.
Or “What book are you reading?” Enjoy each sentence at a time. Don’t focus too much on what you will say next. Don’t fear a ‘serious face’ from them. A neutral sign is not a bad sign. Even if someone is a bit grouchy, they may not be conscious of it, and it may not be directed at you. As you talk instead of forcing energy, notice a subtler benefit, one that is less flashy, but easy, effortless to maintain. (‘Serious face’ is a reflection of the other person’s energetic state and not a rejection of you. What makes it more confusing at first is that they may ‘act happy’ towards other people. But exposing ‘serious face’ to you or someone that was unexpected is not a bad sign; it can even lead directly to more intimate connection, skipping the ‘front’ sage completely. Often what we encounter may just be a ‘neutral face’ but fear makes us read it as critical.)
Feel a light energy connection between us. My energy is what it is, it doesn’t have to be any higher or lower then where it wants to be. Doing this, they may take your lead and ‘shift’ down with you. More intimate types of connections or honest omissions may happen. They feel they can lower their guard. “I hate this job” they may say. But that’s honesty, it’s connection, progress. A lot of people may be suffering, I promote talking about it; just being their to listen “I relate to that”. it’s a sign of intimacy. at the same time, I am enjoying my own thoughts and perceptions, even if talking about something difficult. I visualize a situation they describe, they can see I am thinking about them, they feel like I am listening.
At the same time, I weave in more uplifting conversation. I am not obligated to the heavy, the serious or stressful, sometimes the heavy serious conversation magnifies us down too long and becomes unproductive. We are afraid to ‘break the mold’. I am not afraid to weave in some fun observation or action into the conversation. Everyone has a wanting for this natural uplift, they may not act on it or know how to, but you can. Channeling an uplifting energy, even in subtle ways.
Look directly at sometimes eyes, or alternate, looking at their forehead for example, or just slightly away. Looking at some’s skin still creates connection as well. Skin emits and receives biolight. Peripheral eye contact is also connection. If direct gaze feels intimidating at times, you can we’ve between these other modes. Yet even if you stare at someone (with a good(ish) heart feeling), over time they may start to like it. What you feel in your heart effects the energy your eyes emit. Even neutral/calm feelings are good to create this connection, better then negative and fear. You don’t have to be at your best.
I’m in a state of play, but if it feels like I’m ‘reaching’ for energy, trying too hard, feeling stress on my body; then I slow down, draw action to more simple or relaxing thoughts perceptions or feelings. There may be a on going adjusting as your body gets the hang for this play and biolight based interaction.
You are not limited just to approaching people in this way, even subtle benefits of being around people, subtle connections, are an accomplishment. If you don’t have a long connection, don’t see this as a failure. Keep enjoying subtle sensations at the event. Don’t feel you are ‘supposed’ to do anything. Notice if connections start to happen, even without you’re thinking about them. Merely by your enjoying yourself, and wanting it to happen. Your gaze is at eye level, eyes moving around. Not afraid of meeting someones, yet not needing to do anything either. Your eyes start to meet someones. They ask your for directions. “isn’t this a great fair?” “do you know where this booth is?” now you’re having a conversation. And it just began as some pleasant sessions in your heart combined with eye movements. – Notice it’s not just what my eyes are doing, but also what my heart is feeling, that has this subtle (or not so subtle) effect on people and in myself. – As you talk, notice they’re wanting to connect in their voice, their eyes. Or if they don’t show it, don’t be afraid, they may have ‘tired face’ but this doesn’t mean they don’t like you. Give it time and see if there is a shift. If they still seem negative with no change after like 40 seconds, you can back out. There may be many other people that do want to connect. It takes repeated experience, to know when someone is very not interested / busy, and when it is just your fear reading into it. Even if they start off not interested, with time, they may become interested. Magnetism gradually arises.
Create positive associations with going to social events or work. I feel good about it even before I’ve arrived. Instead of feeling “I should do this, but I really don’t want to,” negative thoughts that drain you. Visualize things you do enjoy about work/events, or recall past good experiences going as far back as childhood, even if it was just one time, a moment. Let a good feeling move your body, carry you to the event. Notice when negative thoughts are triggered during your day. Do the thoughts help? Perhaps just by this noticing you will be less likely to be triggered next time. Keeping focus in positive or pleasant.
I like to find ways to included multiple people when possible, sometimes one in one for too long could be tiring depending on your mood, don’t feel oblighated to talk to someone for hours if it feels like they demand too much or you are not into it for some reason.
Maybe just having a friend with me to return back to, you don’t want to crowd someone new you are meeting with all your friends.. Just the act of sitting or relaxing in a place that has a lot of people, i find helps me receive the human energy, so i don’t get low energy or drained from the talking part of things. talking used to be drainign for me. now i see being with people as an act of receiving energy and brining energy into the body, the body natural emits energy, so you are not ‘taking’ someones energy, when people are alone, the energy just shoots off into space and is waisted, so you are essentially receiving free energy just by being near people. excess energy the body naturally continuously emits, designed to heal other people, or cure the ‘low energy’ i used to deal with. i place a lot of value on enjoying that act of being near people, i don’t rely overly on words like i used to, i use them like poetry; so at least half or more of the time is spent just relaxing and enjoying. and ultimately people enjoy just being near people. because i’m not over focused on ‘pleasing’ people, i don’t get drained like i used to, i am meeting people, standing or sitting with them, but at least half of the time my awareness is on myself (while i gaze at them) on my wellbeing, i notice myself relaxing, almost like a ‘social mediation’ or ‘multiple person gazing meditation’ i talk in a way that brings enjoyment to me, as well as the other person, i focus a good amount of attention on my own enjoyment of whatever I’m talking about, because the other person will actually respond positively to those ~emotions~ it is not actually selfish as i might have thought in the past, i can’t get drained from talking now, because i use talking as part of the process of creating energy for myself, and that energy expands to others, it’s the best and only way to increase their energy as well. i enjoy the feelings whatever i’m talking about or imaginationing creates in me, i feel it increasing my energy, both when i’m talking to people, or just thinking to myself, so talking is specifically there to increase my energy. it is more an act of art, then just purely information or instructions of some kind. this way of being doesn’t allow me to get exhausted like i used to all the time, the whole point is increasing my energy, so others feel the benefit too. love yourself to love others.
Sometimes saying no to one person actually makes you more connected to the group, that’s important too, it actually takes courage to say no. When i was longle i would go to an event and get pulled on by the more desperate people, because i could feel safe with them, and then i would be indebted to them somehow. The lonely me would cling to one person at an event and say ‘hey i’m socializing!’ but acutely i wasn’t getting the energy of the group, i was spending hours over focusing on one person, trying to ‘please them’ with their approval. Sometimes actually the courage to say no or pull away from some more anxious or demanding people, frees you up to attract and connect to the people that are on the more relaxed satisfying plane or dimension. Now i sit back, and allow myself to feel an expanded energy connection with the group. Some people are caught in loops that can’t actually be pleased, and the best thing you can do for them is to not indulge a bottomless void, and instead focus on cultivating the energy of entire group. I remember have to cut someone off once at an event, but i was so i could focus on being connected to the group energy, and i felt so much positive energy that night, that i remember the guy i felt i sort of ignored was still very positive towards me, and remember me years later. the best way to please people is to focus on your personal wellness.
I used to socialize to ‘win friends’ and it’s still a similar go i have, but now i socialized to cultivate energy in my being, it is though i am ‘already connected’ to people. i’m not earning or winning them over so much. They are sort of an extension of myself via light energy, that strengthens just as we spent time together. Yet at the same time i don’t fear the ‘lows’, and i don’t see others ‘low energy’ as a personal rejection of myself, as i used to. I used to believe most people were rejecting me by default. Now whoever i am i tend to assume most people want / are built to need that energetic connection with another person, they want my company by default, even if they have their own fears or trust issues, beyond that, they are build to want ‘me’ / you. i don’t have to do anything extra exactly or put on a talent show. Now i can see someones ‘tiredness’ is about their state of being and not a rejection or response to ‘me’. and i can even have compassion for the tiredness, and find the right topics or rhythm that seem best for them (as well as myself), and not feel i have to ‘act happy’ to impress them, like we often do, which can actually be bad because it’s stressful, or adds more stress when often people tend to be a bit tired because of their jobs or some dissatisfaction in life, people want their off time to be a release from work and stress. I used to act more energized then i felt, pumping out big energy all the time to win people over, yet all my social interactions would end in burn out, i didn’t even realize i was doing this, it was the only way i knew, the only way many of us know, this battle to ‘earn’ friends. now i don’t have to pump out big energy to impress people, because now i now the subtle ‘already there’ connection is more powerful, because it allows two or more people to join their rythems without stress, and cultaive energy in a growing not draining way.
And make no mistake, the energy you cultivate together will greatly exceed any energy you can force out on your own through stress and effort. It is only ‘subtle’ in the beginning. That subtle beginning is important so it talk about it allot. that subtle beginning, (those subtle feelings of connection you ease into at first with people) IS the way to get to the really being energy and charisma that you want.
Bring up topics you enjoy. Ask questions. Talk about what they enjoy. Gaze and listen without worrying about a response. Focus on pleasant sensations. In terms of what you say, try different ways at it. Allow you mind to relax, and as you focus on pleasant sensations, see what thoughts surfaces. Visualize what the other person is feeling. Even if you forget what your talking about. Do not be embarrassed about forgetting. keep taking in positive observations inspired by your environment, focusing on pleasant sensations, then another random thought or thread enters your mind. turn that into conversation. “I’m hoping to check out that booth.” this occurs to you. “Oh are you an artist?” they say “Actually I’m a writer” “That reminds me of this interesting show when they did ____” “It’s interesting the way everyone here is _____” as you relax into the conversation, more things start occurring to you. You start having preceptive thoughts and observations. “look at the way that person is doing that” “that reminds me of” “they must be feeling” “these video games look cool, I’m sad I haven’t played them, but now i’m noticing they are all direct copies of Mario.” you start having more complex perceptions without trying to. “do you want to watch this show with me?” “are you hungry?” “lets go play that dancing game.” One moment I’m having complex perceptions, the next i’m saying “lets eat” or “look at that funny cat over their”. I’m not attached to ‘sounding intelligent.’ More neurons are firing, but this is a product of having fun, and not actually because i’m ‘trying to sound intelligent’. the neuron firings themselves are play, vibrational genesis.
These are exercises to un-condition the ‘entertaining’ mode of conversation. Ask them if they want to hang out again, get a contact, but notice how much enjoyment comes out just in the present, even in a five minute interaction.
Or maybe we’re walking side by side, and my mind drifts a bit, I’m having all kinds of complex perceptions, while keeping the other person in my relaxed awareness. .. Maybe i’m wondering about this persons childhood. Noticing the way that person guarding the door over there is inhibiting the rooms energy. Thinking about the next thing i want to do. Noticing the flow of energy in the room or area, the quality of the connection. I may be noticing all this, but all I say is “do you want to go dancing on Tuesday?” not even related to what I was thinking. All these other noticings may not even come up in the conversation. Yet they are fun and relaxing, it feels good to let loose like this at times. And maybe later on, something I had pondered comes into the conversation. I only noticed it because I was with someone yet able to enjoy myself at the same time.
Allow your mind to wander when your around people, while at the same time feeling the energy benefit of the people. Even while you’re in conversation, you mind may wander a little. We focus intensely on each other out of a wanting to connect, yet all this focusing actually creates stress, and makes us less preceptive. This free floating awareness, while being physically with people, allows us to connect to our own being, while being with others.
After many experiences now my mind has a greater backlog of interesting topics and ways to connect I can re-access more quickly. Also my body has built a muscle memory for connection. Many things may happen, or click on, at certain times, while i may not be thinking about it. My body has an instinct. Being social feels natural, desirable, something to look forward to. I just spend time ‘hanging around’ but my body is learning things, subconscious learnings that happen. My mind records information without me trying to. When I’m in a state of play or pleasant enjoyment, my mind may remember all kinds of things about people, that I can use the next time we meet. The playful mindset makes the information click.