(or a mountain of situation examples)
I walk into a social event, and five people look at me, I could introduce myself to each one, but instead I just enjoy the feeling of their eyes, pause in it and then say “Hey”, maybe all I’m thinking about is how sexy I am (positive focus). And that’s it. Then maybe I sit down at a table with 5 totally different people, because they seem chill. But there still is a connection with the first group I can return to, they’re cool with me. And even just a moment feels good. Now a girl I just met is showing me a picture of her dog. I focus on the ‘cuteness’ of the dog. She talks about the dog. I listen and respond to what lights the person up. I visualize her with her dog. And now it is cheering us both up, creating a feeling of connection, even though I’m not doing anything complicated. This positive feedback loop is happening. Focusing attention on ‘cuteness’, at the same time feeling a bio-connection with the girl, is creating a good heart feeling that effects the other person. Then while still feeling this I can add a question, learn more.
Another guy is telling me about his fan fiction, and I listen, but now he feels pushy like he’s trying to hard to sell me his fan-fiction, so I back off. I identify with how he is communicating, but I don’t have a way of helping him at this time, the best think it to just keep enjoying the group.
There is often this dual or gently alternating awareness between what I’m saying, other people, the external actions – and what I’m feeling, attention to my own enjoyment; internal goodness. At one moment I’m talking to someone, there is a pause, but I just keep gazing at them (it’s a guy, but it could be a guy or girl, non sexual.) he rests his face in his hands, now he is saying “man it’s been a long day” spilling our some of his life story. “I’ve been doing repairs on my house” There is a relaxing into the connection. I listen, and then I check back in if I feel good. It does feel good, it’s something new, it feels exciting that this personal connection is happening so easily. Mutual benefit.
Another guy is talking about his photography, I show interest, now he is showing pictures to the whole group. This feels natural. More ways too connect.
Someone is reminded of something. Now a more dynamic conversation is happening, it feels good, like ‘play’. People seem to relax into their laughter. I laugh and show interest even if it doesn’t matter what I’m laughing about. I laugh because it feels good for me, not because I’m trying to make other people laugh. Yet doing this may help others relax. The mood feels good. I feel my presence is supporting the energy, if there’s a pause I’m not afraid, instead I think of something positive, (or say something) so it creates a safety net, where one might not otherwise be. Just a bit more support to sustaining this ‘play’ flow & stronger bio-light level interaction in the group. I’m making a lot of eye contact, enjoying the conversation, the topics, like I enjoy a movie. I’m not really thinking about what anyone is thinking. more energy is building in the group by each person’s presence and state of play. My body feels loose. I find I’m using my hands or body when I respond to someone, but not really thinking about it, it just feels good. Someone looks in my eyes and then looks back to the group, almost like their drinking or sharing in my energy. I could say ‘drinking’ but it feels mutual, I feel powerful & valued.
Someone hugs me, instead of thinking ‘what should I do to get this girl to like me?’ ‘am I holding on too long?’ ‘where should my hands go?’ there is none of that. I put my hands on her back because that feels good. I am not afraid to touch her. And all I think about is ‘fuzzy cats’ or ‘this feels good’ for an indefinite time. Whatever focus helps me feel good. Now after 10 seconds of this, we both feel this heart connection; the feeling continues after the hug stopped.
After some hours I announce that I’m leaving. Someone reaches to shake my hand, and I just hold his hand for a while, he’s in this chilled out state; now someone else is talking to me, but I’m still holding the first guys hand. Goofy stuff like this. The physical connection feels good in itself, needs no justification. He says “Oh sorry” I say “It’s cool.” We didn’t know what to say, but we both sort of enjoyed it.
As I’m going to leave I scan the room a last time with my eyes. My eyes meet someones, and she says “Are you on Facebook?”
There you have an info-exchange opportunity. I just looked, but that was in itself an action which gave them permission to ask.
Or I could have asked. Many right answers.
Another day I bring a new comic book with me to the group (this was an anime meetup). I have only read the first five pages, but because it is new, I bring it, it sparks discussion. Stimulates positive thoughts/feelings in myself and others.
In the past I would have thought ‘I don’t really understand what this book is about’ ‘I don’t know as much about comics as these experts’ ‘If I bring it it will draw unwanted attention’ ‘I’m not really that smart’ ‘Conversation is all about being smart’. What I can’t see is the negative thoughts and bad self image keep me down. How much of my life did I spend this way. – Now there’s none of that. Negative is not just removed but replaced with positive.
At one point I’m hungry, I’m not embarrassed to meet my needs. I’m not self conscious to get up, if there is a good time, or if there isn’t, I just get up. I go to a cafe near by. I buy whatever I feel like eating. I’m in a ‘playful’ mode, so maybe I think of something new. I’m not so afraid/distracted that I’m on autopilot. I’m relaxed enough to buy whatever I feel like buying or even notice new things. I get a sandwich and a carrot juice. I’m walking back to the event. I notice a guy from the event. And I say hi to him. It feels effortless or magnetic. – Taking time to walk around after the conversation has released more energy for us both.
I get back to my seat at the event.
Someone says “what is that?” in a playful way, pointing to my carrot juice. In the past I would have been self-conscious. But now I’m actually thriving off this attention. “It’s carrot juice.” I say simply. It’s something new and it creates a subtle mood boost. Now I’m unwrapping my sandwich and everyone is watching me eat. But it feels like a connected experience. Someone says “I couldn’t handle all that dressing.” It’s not an insult, there is a relaxed relational quality to her statement. Just by unwrapping a sandwich I’m helping to start conversations. It’s causing a pleasant change of topic.
Now someone is talking about what they want to dress up as for halloween. Instead of just using my intellectual brain, I’m visualizing the costumes as we talk. That helps me feel good, puts a smile on my face. There is a positive feed back loop happening. Someone sees my interest and says “Maybe we could all go as super-heroes.” I enjoy the idea and at the same time I think ‘perhaps I’m more of a samurai’. We take out our phones are are showing each others pictures of costume ideas. I notice this other girl is interested in an anime type thing I aline with. Yet maybe I’ll still go with the super-hero thing if it turns out that’s more fun for the group. (from Biophotonic Being)