Socially disconnected stress patterns, or trauma, are passed down through the generations. These traumas arise not exclusively from physical actions. Often these feelings of disconnect and resulting stress patterns can come from a general absence in the community. Something that didn’t happen. Stress patterns or habits have the guise of accomplishing something, making us better, when they actually keep us in disconnect, taking us away from our social and playful nature. These patterns involve a basic assumption of being ‘not already deserving’ of relationship. This assumption happens on an instinctive level for the human, it is all that is ever known, it is difficult to imagine a different way it could be. The water in which we swim.
A few people don’t know they ‘belong’ and it spreads. Fear associations with people in the mind. The problem is in the mind, the solution is in the heart. These insecurities or traumas of absence take root in the foundation of entire civilizations. We think we need status or power to be attractive to or loved by others. Insecurity is everywhere so no one thinks to question it; like the water in which we swim. We never notice our own basic worth. The social value that we already have, simply by existing. This sea of biolight is everywhere, I can be connected the moment I walk into a space. More people means more potential biolight. More relaxed eye contact and play, means more biolight that circulates.
In the West we prioritize academics and intellectual intelligence – ‘processing speed.’ We value the intellect, the mind, first. Instead of emotionally relating to each other, we end up treating ourselves and others like objects; problems to be fixed, successes to be accomplished, a competition to be won; instead of energetic creatures that need safety connection and play. We relate through our minds, the intellect is first. We accomplish things with will power and mental focus instead of allowing and receiving naturally occurring feelings of love or passion. The heart becomes secondary. There is no space or awareness to feel emotion in relation to each other, to know we are already deserving of this bond.
Education in our society is a product of the Industrial Age. We are ‘productivity’ focused. Producing honor students, that make it to the Ivy League, that run competitive business. Yet when some are the best, it implies others are the worst. We strive to achieve great success, because deep down we feel that we don’t ‘already matter.’ The focus on competition, achievement, intellect, could be seen as a type of nation wide insecurity, a social fear spanning across a nation, and beyond. We prioritize intelligence, status, and economic success as a culture to socially validate ourselves. “What are you studying?” “Where do you work?” We ask these questions the moment someone walks in. We simply don’t know what else to talk about. As a culture we feel the need to compete and be the best. To validate ourselves. We want that feeling of recognition. It’s not wrong to want to feel good, to feel love. However going after it this way, it is always somehow beyond reach. Some are able to thrive within this system, many are not. Yet even those who are beautiful, intelligent, successful, who achieve every standard, deep down they still feel confusion, insecurity. They are loved, they are famous, yet the attention they get feels like it comes for the wrong reasons. One finds popularity, fame, yet they don’t feel loved for who they already are. The fame actually becomes a burden. It feels like an act, that will at some point fall apart. Others get the money, the success, yet it doesn’t complete them, something is always missing.
Many of our struggles come from an over focus on the mind, and our solutions involve a focus on the mind. Instead of paying attention to the (energetic) needs of the heart, we as a culture focus on career achievement. School, the therapeutic process, a business, and more, often become ways of a qualified person teaching a student specific skills which focus inwards on individual success. …When in fact I believe seeking out playful, creative relationship itself is the healing medicine that is needed and largely missing. We relate through knowledge and skills, that our in fact ways of socially qualifying, validating ourselves. We don’t value the relationship itself. We only make eye contact when we have important words or clever statements. We do this because we don’t feel that we already matter in relation to each other. Relationship is scary; it’s dynamic, not as solid and straight forward as a simple conversation tactic, multiple choice problem, or breathing exercise; yet relationship is the essential piece to well being.
Everything in Western culture encourages sitting still for long periods of time, schools, work, even movie theaters, restaurants. It is possible this prolonged culturally ingrained stillness creates an energetic drain on the body, (adding to the drain that is already there from social disconnect.) We value ourselves as separate individuals, the inward antisocial focus adds to the state of drain. Moving feels exhausting. Yet in truth not moving may be even more exhausting. We are creatures of movement. With prolonged stillness the body falls into an energetic depression, a slump. One can no longer identify that movement feels good. As creatures of play and movement, many times moving is less exhausting than staying still. I believe we should get in touch with the bodies natural playful movement in our life; Not running miles to be ‘productive,’ but simply expressing a little regular movement. Noticing that it feels good.
The productivity achievement focus in our culture drains the love that circulates in the community. There isn’t enough love energy (biolight, life force) going around to raise most people to a place of feeling naturally –secure-. When ‘anxious attachment’ (people who don’t feel deserving or safe in relationship) pervades in the community this gives rise to avoidant people. Being cut off from the current of social energy, these avoidant people live in a state of constant drain or low body energy. They receive no energy from the community (if you can call it a community.) They’ve never experienced a feeling of sustained safety and play in relation to people.
All too often these ‘no belonging’ people will develop all kinds of troubles and be identified as having a ‘brain disorder,’ when in many cases the underlying problem may be something much more basic. Many of what we call ‘brain disorders’ may be rooted in a basic social energetic absence. This is a quality of the heart and not a problem of the mechanics of the brain. A matter of not feeling safe or socially deserving, effecting the entire nervous system, creating a state of disconnect and drain.
The social confidence that does happen in our society is almost like a ‘happy accident.’ Love and play want to happen, but it’s almost by accident that stress patterns in some communities end up not being as bad, that love and play can naturally occur. Many people are aware of the importance of safety and play on an instinctive – emotional level, but not on a conscious level. These semi-secure people have confidence in relation to each other, in relation to other semi-secure people; yet their security falls apart in relation to an insecure person, or an insecure collective; (from anything to an extreme introvert, a bully, or even a business.) This conditional security many have is not a true recognition of basic human goodness, otherwise it would be powerful in and of itself and would spread and heal insecure people.
It doesn’t have to take decades of self-discovery to become radiant. Some children and young people acquire qualities of confidence, charisma, and radiance immediately just based on their family, community, and environment; how happy and warm his or her community was. We must learn to feel safe and light hearted in the gaze of others. To make eye contact without having to ‘earn it,’ because it benefits us and others, while at the same time listening to the needs of our hearts. With the right approach trauma or stress patterns / habits, and life long personal and relationship conflicts, can be healed fairly quickly. A life changing experience of play and safety can be created. We must give the heart what it needs. Fritz-Albert Popp’s Biophotonics, Stephen Porges’s Polyvagal theory, Diane Pool Heller’s Attachment Theory, and Heart Math research, and my own experience, are all beginning to show this. Leading to an energetic heart based understanding of the human body. (from Naturally Social)
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