How can we learn, if everything we hear is cast in self doubt?

As a teen+young man I used to think if someone found out a solution for why relationship was so difficult, why meeting people was so difficult, (specific details about why I seemed to go blank around people, why I felt connected at rare times, knew it was possible, just didn’t find it most times), etc; if someone found these answers I thought it would be “big news” “popular information” …But now I wonder if all along there were people how had insights that could have helped me, but I saw the world through fear and self doubt, so I didn’t even notice. Perhaps even the fear of the entire ‘herd’ (community), prevented important awarenesses from becoming common knowledge.

One can go main stream, but that takes a combination of health and wisdom that can be rare. How many other voices are ‘on the right track’ but go unheard because of fear or doubt. How many books did I read, but instead of enjoying the material, I just kept being reminded of my own incompetence? Some school teacher voice in my head, telling me to focus and get better, but I’m not even enjoying the book or aware I should be. Now I enjoy what I read, and it feeds me energy, I take in much more, with no effort at all, it actually gives me a charge.

I wonder that often people who are wise only really get there after they are injured.. and yet people don’t want to take the advice of injured unattractive people; or the opposite, people are healthy, yet they stay ignorant, because the world feeds off their material beauty, no mater what they do, so they don’t have to learn or change their ways, regardless of how they effect people around them, there are aways more/other people willing to follow their material power status or looks. Now when i’m looking for advice, i don’t just take it from the ‘shiny people’. In fact it is usually the ugly, the crippled, and the damaged that have the most to say. Yet i say this, injury is not a -requirement- for wisdom. In fact getting the advice of the injured may be the best way to stop the cycle of pain and repeating history, to -prevent- injury, and succeed in life.

My fear, or habit, kept me doing things for years that I knew in my heart wasn’t working. Or following advice that didn’t feel quite right. It was ‘good enough’ to scrape along. My own self doubt (negative feelings) kept me down, a cycle; it kept me from noticing & enjoying my environment; and it kept me from noticing the truth, that others were just as lost as I was. Seeing in a positive light helps me discern the helpful from the not helpful; seeing the good in someone that has both good and bad, when in the past I was more likely to wright off an entire possibility. Perhaps through play and enjoying human presence we can learn, learn the architecture of our own aliveness.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s