What is rejection?
I remember times going to bars, and finally getting the courage to walk right up to girls that were on the dance floor, asking them “do you want to dance?” one just said to me straight up “No.” and grinned like it gave her a fucking thrill to reject me. Another girl was sitting down and seemed available to talk to, but when i asked her she said “i have a boyfriend” right off the bat. not even time to just talk, she had to end it cold and quick, even though she was sitting there alone, in one of the main places where people come to meet people. This will happen a lot, the real realization it just when it doesn’t get to you any more. rejection is not a reason to stop trying. on two separate occasions i just walked up and sat next to a girl (i had never seen before) in a mall dining court, and she looked at me like i was a total weirdo. but i’ve done this at malls or parks maybe ~100 times~ in the last 5 years (and you could do much more), and more often there is a conversion, something good happens, maybe i get a phone humor. That’s why the most important thing is when that 1 out of 10 girl says “No” like you are the biggest loser on the planet, not to let it get to you! I lived so much of my life in fear of rejection, really just assuming i was already rejected. in a way you could say i had already ‘rejected myself’. I was pre-rejected to save girls the time and effort of rejecting me. sort of like the opposite of Mysteries ‘pre-selected’ lol. Now i see so much of it was my mind frame, and when it went on long enough, i finally just decided to commit to going out and walking up to people, and that made me realze i could change my attired, and assume ‘by default’ that people and girls do like me, and want to talk to me. I say ‘attided’ because the term ‘mind-frame’ focuses on the mind, where ‘attitude’ is like a feeling you cultivate and chose to focus on. Our culture are lady puts a lot of weight on the ‘mind’ and this was part of the problem for me. People are attracted to the energy, the feeling, first and fore most, so i put my energetic well-being first.
One time i was at a dance club, asking a girl, who was with a few friends, if she / they wanted to dance, and i was getting better, this time i was already dancing as i said it. …i was getting mixed positive and negative signals from them. finally this 4th onlooking girl, must have decided i was being too loud, and she walked over, grabbed my arm firmly, and walked me out of the club. That was a pretty harsh blow for one of my earlier and more courageous attempts to meet a woman in a new place. Yet some how i saw it as progress, because it was something that had never happened before, i was pretty determined now so i could see past the rejection, that there was a lot more to learn and adjust.
Sometimes a rejection cuts to your core and makes you feel sad, and it’s not even something you can ‘choose’ not to feel. You just have to embrace it, and let it slid off you. But the bigger point is that i lived in fear or what is really just a moment, and happens less often then not. And i was perceiving a lot of rejection that -wasn’t actually there-. Often people are a bit exhausted or tired from their jobs or general boredom with life, and i would see this ‘low energy’ of the other person, as a personal rejection of me. it sort of mirrors, and they also see my low energy, or state of ‘backing off’ as a rejection of them. Now i see it for what it is, not as a judgment of me in any way, but that people can often be a bit ‘drained’ and that that is the best place to meet them, i don’t have to ‘act super happy’ i can instead sort of ‘tune in’ to that ‘chill’ frequency, because i know ‘mellow energy’ is not in any way equal to rejection, it’s closer to ~relaxation~. Sometimes you are so excited to talk to someone atravie that you start acting super happy and jumpy, but often they my perfre more of a ‘chill vibe’, because maybe they are pelted by lots of guys already, or especially if they have had a hard day. Even if they are pelted by lots of guys they had to reject, they still ‘have room for desert’ so to speak, as in they’re still hoping one person they are comfortable with does come along. even one guy who is on that right balanced vibe of calm and playful can turn an exhausting day into a good day. Once i watched an actress talk to one hundred guys she was signing autographs for, she looked exhausted, and i almost walked out of the line thinking, ‘she probably doesn’t want to talk to yet another guy’, but then i had this thought, i’m just going to be there to send her good vibes and help her relax / cheer up. I took over the talking so she didn’t have to keep repeating her same old speal, and i actually felt like i saw something change in her. Like she lit up and relaxed.
You will get a lot of these ‘micro expressions’ that look like rejections, drop outs of energy, or negative thoughts about you, but they OFTEN do NOT have anything to do with you, nothing to do with something you ‘did’ or ‘did not’ do; the real truth is these subtle drop outs in the ‘vibe’ are very normal, these little drop outs of energy may actually be ~necessarily~.. because they are caused by just when someone is thinking too hard, or remembered they left their wallet in an open location and felt afraid, the brain sucks up actual energy in the body, it can cause the eyes to go dull for a moment, and -look- like rejection, but it is actually just the energy being taken by the brain, very deceiving if you don’t understand it, or are falsely expecting to be rejected. It took me like a decade or two to figure this out! To notice i was misreading it. And it’s not ~complicated~, it’s just having a bad social self image caused me to see things differently.
When there is a subtle energetic break like this, you can just alter your rhythm, or continue the converstion, if you take it as rejection, then it becomes rejection, it makes you look fearful and insecure. Most often it is not rejection, it’s more like human inmprefection, it only becomes rejection if like 30 seconds pass and it seems more obvious they are trying to pull their ~entire body~ away. But i lived a lot of my life seeing these rreally subtle expressions as rejection, when they are not! they are in no way rejection! Now i don’t see these micro moments as rejection, so i don’t feel the need to over compensate, and ‘act happer’, i can just allow a pause, or calmly continue the conversation. It’s not the worst thing in the world if you accidentally ‘over talk someone’ and miss that they are -acutally- trying to leave, i feel like there is a tendency in our culture to be ‘in a hurry to go nowhere’, so it may not be the worst reason to delay, these skills of meeting people are ultimately the most important thing anyone can really do weather or not they know it.
Another important point to further it this home, is that the universe isn’t quite ‘as it appears’ i find everything has a sort of ‘time delay’ to it. For example if i decide ‘today i will have a confident self loving attitude’ it will take like 3 hours of me doing that before other people start to notice ‘wow there is something confident and cool about that guy’. there is always a sort of build up, a cultivation, to everything you do. It takes time for energy to travel through space, almost like sound echoing through a sea. Space is sort of fluid, and a lot of time has to be spent just being near people, before real energy and clear communication can be transmitted.
Just being near people, after this ‘delay’ passes as you talk or ‘just be’, giving it time, both (or all) people will feel the exchange of energy in your heart(s). It’s closer to ‘cultivating’, then boring ‘waiting’, hey that rhymes. Don’t ‘wait’, cultivate! It’s like ‘how’ you ‘cultivate’ that matters, how you feel, focusing on the good things. Also ‘where’ you are as you ‘cultivate’ matters a lot. Even when i meditate, i prefer to do it outside and near people, because there is more energy circulating out there. Now my mediation is more of a cultivation, cultivation of energy, calm fun and positive emotion, in the heart itself. Energy makes a huge difference in attracting people. And it starts with loving yourself, and loving yourself -while- being near people. Anything fun or positive can be a means to cultivating energy. I don’t me hyper enthusiasm that you ‘force out’ to get people to like you. This is more of a deep inner body energy, that you ‘breath in’ like air, you continuously take into your body from environmental stimulation, and then circulate / generate in your body, almost like perpetual motion.
A lot of stuff is being delayed, but these ‘delays’ are NOT rejections. When u see they are just ‘delays’ a whole new world of (🎵A WHOLE NEW WORLD🎵sorry) a whole new world of energy possibilities opens up. You are exactly the deep interesting chill vibe person she or he wants to talk to, but it may take them a few minutes to ‘warm up’ to u, just to simply notice. You could have ‘love at first sight’ with someone who has already ‘warmed up’, but i find this is more reliable. The world is full of overlooked beautiful souls that back out and feel they are rejected to early.
In a way it is sort of similar to ‘looking past appearances’, and embracing the ‘time delay’ of energy, and the fruit that energy bares. You can still have a physically attractive person, but this opens you up to more people, in my case, because the energy of multiple people, cultivating that energy into your body, is actually the only way to get an attractive person or any kind of relationship. If your in a situation that talking to someone that isn’t your type, helps you get connected to a group of people, it’s worth it, it opens doors to new friendships, and everyone feels better now that more energy is going around. You are not indebted to someone just because you have talked to them. I don’t want to lead someone on because i know what it’s like to be led on, but when it’s about making the group happy, you transcend all that. Socializing helps the good of the community.