Rejection?

 

What is rejection?

I remember times going to bars, and finally getting the courage to walk right up to girls that were on the dance floor, asking them “do you want to dance?” one just said to me straight up “No.” and grinned like it gave her a fucking thrill to reject me. Another girl was sitting down and seemed available to talk to, but when i asked her she said “i have a boyfriend” right off the bat. not even time to just talk, she had to end it cold and quick, even though she was sitting there alone, in one of the main places where people come to meet people. This will happen a lot, the real realization it just when it doesn’t get to you any more. rejection is not a reason to stop trying. on two separate occasions i just walked up and sat next to a girl (i had never seen before) in a mall dining court, and she looked at me like i was a total weirdo. but i’ve done this at malls or parks maybe ~100 times~ in the last 5 years (and you could do much more), and more often there is a conversion, something good happens, maybe i get a phone humor. That’s why the most important thing is when that 1 out of 10 girl says “No” like you are the biggest loser on the planet, not to let it get to you! I lived so much of my life in fear of rejection, really just assuming i was already rejected. in a way you could say i had already ‘rejected myself’. I was pre-rejected to save girls the time and effort of rejecting me. sort of like the opposite of Mysteries ‘pre-selected’ lol. Now i see so much of it was my mind frame, and when it went on long enough, i finally just decided to commit to going out and walking up to people, and that made me realze i could change my attired, and assume ‘by default’ that people and girls do like me, and want to talk to me. I say ‘attided’ because the term ‘mind-frame’ focuses on the mind, where ‘attitude’ is like a feeling you cultivate and chose to focus on. Our culture are lady puts a lot of weight on the ‘mind’ and this was part of the problem for me. People are attracted to the energy, the feeling, first and fore most, so i put my energetic well-being first.

One time i was at a dance club, asking a girl, who was with a few friends, if she / they wanted to dance, and i was getting better, this time i was already dancing as i said it. …i was getting mixed positive and negative signals from them. finally this 4th onlooking girl, must have decided i was being too loud, and she walked over, grabbed my arm firmly, and walked me out of the club. That was a pretty harsh blow for one of my earlier and more courageous attempts to meet a woman in a new place. Yet some how i saw it as progress, because it was something that had never happened before, i was pretty determined now so i could see past the rejection, that there was a lot more to learn and adjust.

compare-apples-to-apples.jpgSometimes a rejection cuts to your core and makes you feel sad, and it’s not even something you can ‘choose’ not to feel. You just have to embrace it, and let it slid off you. But the bigger point is that i lived in fear or what is really just a moment, and happens less often then not. And i was perceiving a lot of rejection that -wasn’t actually there-. Often people are a bit exhausted or tired from their jobs or general boredom with life, and i would see this ‘low energy’ of the other person, as a personal rejection of me. it sort of mirrors, and they also see my low energy, or state of ‘backing off’ as a rejection of them. Now i see it for what it is, not as a judgment of me in any way, but that people can often be a bit ‘drained’ and that that is the best place to meet them, i don’t have to ‘act super happy’ i can instead sort of ‘tune in’ to that ‘chill’ frequency, because i know ‘mellow energy’ is not in any way equal to rejection, it’s closer to ~relaxation~. Sometimes you are so excited to talk to someone atravie that you start acting super happy and jumpy, but often they my perfre more of a ‘chill vibe’, because maybe they are pelted by lots of guys already, or especially if they have had a hard day. Even if they are pelted by lots of guys they had to reject, they still ‘have room for desert’ so to speak, as in they’re still hoping one person they are comfortable with does come along. even one guy who is on that right balanced vibe of calm and playful can turn an exhausting day into a good day. Once i watched an actress talk to one hundred guys she was signing autographs for, she looked exhausted, and i almost walked out of the line thinking, ‘she probably doesn’t want to talk to yet another guy’, but then i had this thought, i’m just going to be there to send her good vibes and help her relax / cheer up. I took over the talking so she didn’t have to keep repeating her same old speal, and i actually felt like i saw something change in her. Like she lit up and relaxed.

635895246024855434655902584_rejection1.jpgYou will get a lot of these ‘micro expressions’ that look like rejections, drop outs of energy, or negative thoughts about you, but they OFTEN do NOT have anything to do with you, nothing to do with something you ‘did’ or ‘did not’ do; the real truth is these subtle drop outs in the ‘vibe’ are very normal, these little drop outs of energy may actually be ~necessarily~.. because they are caused by just when someone is thinking too hard, or remembered they left their wallet in an open location and felt afraid, the brain sucks up actual energy in the body, it can cause the eyes to go dull for a moment, and -look- like rejection, but it is actually just the energy being taken by the brain, very deceiving if you don’t understand it, or are falsely expecting to be rejected. It took me like a decade or two to figure this out! To notice i was misreading it. And it’s not ~complicated~, it’s just having a bad social self image caused me to see things differently.

Rejection.pngWhen there is a subtle energetic break like this, you can just alter your rhythm, or continue the converstion, if you take it as rejection, then it becomes rejection, it makes you look fearful and insecure. Most often it is not rejection, it’s more like human inmprefection, it only becomes rejection if like 30 seconds pass and it seems more obvious they are trying to pull their ~entire body~ away. But i lived a lot of my life seeing these rreally subtle expressions as rejection, when they are not! they are in no way rejection! Now i don’t see these micro moments as rejection, so i don’t feel the need to over compensate, and ‘act happer’, i can just allow a pause, or calmly continue the conversation. It’s not the worst thing in the world if you accidentally ‘over talk someone’ and miss that they are -acutally- trying to leave, i feel like there is a tendency in our culture to be ‘in a hurry to go nowhere’, so it may not be the worst reason to delay, these skills of meeting people are ultimately the most important thing anyone can really do weather or not they know it.

Another important point to further it this home, is that the universe isn’t quite ‘as it appears’ i find everything has a sort of ‘time delay’ to it. For example if i decide ‘today i will have a confident self loving attitude’ it will take like 3 hours of me doing that before other people start to notice ‘wow there is something confident and cool about that guy’. there is always a sort of build up, a cultivation, to everything you do. It takes time for energy to travel through space, almost like sound echoing through a sea. Space is sort of fluid, and a lot of time has to be spent just being near people, before real energy and clear communication can be transmitted.

Just being near people, after this ‘delay’ passes as you talk or ‘just be’, giving it time, both (or all) people will feel the exchange of energy in your heart(s). It’s closer to ‘cultivating’, then boring ‘waiting’, hey that rhymes. Don’t ‘wait’, cultivate! It’s like ‘how’ you ‘cultivate’ that matters, how you feel, focusing on the good things. Also ‘where’ you are as you ‘cultivate’ matters a lot. Even when i meditate, i prefer to do it outside and near people, because there is more energy circulating out there. Now my mediation is more of a cultivation, cultivation of energy, calm fun and positive emotion, in the heart itself. Energy makes a huge difference in attracting people. And it starts with loving yourself, and loving yourself -while- being near people. Anything fun or positive can be a means to cultivating energy. I don’t me hyper enthusiasm that you ‘force out’ to get people to like you. This is more of a deep inner body energy, that you ‘breath in’ like air, you continuously take into your body from environmental stimulation, and then circulate / generate in your body, almost like perpetual motion.

A lot of stuff is being delayed, but these ‘delays’ are NOT rejections. When u see they are just ‘delays’ a whole new world of (🎵A WHOLE NEW WORLD🎵sorry) a whole new world of energy possibilities opens up. You are exactly the deep interesting chill vibe person she or he wants to talk to, but it may take them a few minutes to ‘warm up’ to u, just to simply notice. You could have ‘love at first sight’ with someone who has already ‘warmed up’, but i find this is more reliable. The world is full of overlooked beautiful souls that back out and feel they are rejected to early.

In a way it is sort of similar to ‘looking past appearances’, and embracing the ‘time delay’ of energy, and the fruit that energy bares. You can still have a physically attractive person, but this opens you up to more people, in my case, because the energy of multiple people, cultivating that energy into your body, is actually the only way to get an attractive person or any kind of relationship. If your in a situation that talking to someone that isn’t your type, helps you get connected to a group of people, it’s worth it, it opens doors to new friendships, and everyone feels better now that more energy is going around. You are not indebted to someone just because you have talked to them. I don’t want to lead someone on because i know what it’s like to be led on, but when it’s about making the group happy, you transcend all that. Socializing helps the good of the community.

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Meditative Letting go and Nihilism blurred

There’s a phenomena going around. I noticed with many meditators in various groups I’ve joined they began finding that by siting still for long periods.. and letting go of thought, over weeks and months they were actually starting to experience feelings of emptiness and detachment, rather then positive sensations of being connected to the universe. In class the Master assured us “Thats not it, meditation is all about feeling connected to the universe”, yet for some reason many students in the west weren’t experiencing that. Something was causing many of us to epxericen something different even while performing the same meditation. We were all doing standard meditation, notching fancy or esoteric specialized version. I had been preforming longer and longer meditations myself, I had been noting the same thing, and began noticing that others were having this experience too, though they too found it hard to talk about, because it seemed to fly in the face of everything we were practicing and being taught, and we didn’t have an alternative solution. “i just want to be sure that i’m doing it right” i remember one student saying. the master said “more meditation, trust the practice” but i reaciznied that like myself, this student was devoted and performing the right practice, yet he was falling into this same dilemma, the empty meditation. being devoted to your practice, yet coming out less satisfied inside of more.

“Negatives should be replaced with positives” yogi david told me (in essence) when i asked about this dilemma to the guru. that was a resaruign stament, yet i hadn’t actually heard much about this, and it seemed like more of the teachings renoforced a kind of letting go of all atachemtns. ‘service’ was the positive that was encouraged, so i detoed myself much to this in recent years. to try and rediscover that postive meditation expreice. i was around people more and finding ways to benefit them, i spent lots of time with deep listening and being present with people because i found that felt right and i let my feelings guide me. and then when i returned to meditations i did find some of the positive feeling had retured.

Yet after years of this there was a kind of dropping out in my energy. It wasn’t creating the same good feeling or energy benefit any more. It was at this time that i began noticing that enviomrent really effects me, positive simulating enviomernts with sunlight, verses blank walled in environments with drap colors, no simulation, nothing interesting or fun going on. (there i go using the word fun, i’m getting ahead of myself). This made me think a lot, these meditators who were having empty and neshilstic feelings during meditation, they were all from the city, the apartment style life. When the guru himself lived in japan, my other guru lived in (i can’t remember now) they whet back overseas to out door well lit environments that revoved around nature. We city meditators spent a lot of time indoors. I even began to wonder that the body itself preofmend a kind of photosysntis, that our cells might infact absorbs light, because i notice how much a sunlight out door enviormnt could boost my energy during meditation vs mediating indoors facing the wall. Biophoton-4 copy.jpg

It was true all along, (we weren’t lying), we were all doing the right meditation practice, but the physical location of WHERE we did it, was aurally having a hug impact on our health and energetic wellbeing.

Meditating_in_Madison_Square_Park.jpg

I recall my master/guru saying “Even back in my home country, i go to ashram, and many meditators they have ego! they don’t realize it, but they develop ego!” i could picture what he was saying in my head, that stiff persona, but now looking back on this after being so far down that path myself i wonder that perhaps, all these meditators were actually ding the -right practice- yet it was actually CAUSING their bodies to become STIFF, deflated! I even remember this guru saying that he himself had days that were just sort of off and he didn’t know why, even after doing devoted meditation practice. I notice this, because i was already wounding if there was something significant that all of us were missing including the master. The master was having similar problems to all of us, yet because he was cultured in to be a master and loved by all of us as the master, it made it easier for him to see himself as the guru and play the role of the wise teacher in his life, and no disrespect to that.

And i haven’t even gotten into how i then disoverd that sitting still too long can be a problem, and that the body really needs a big dose of fun, dynamic creative movement and engagement, every day, to thrive. My sense of buddshim back then did not meet all the dynamic needs of my human body that i now understand better. Meditation was a tenie i tried, budissms was there for me at a time i needed something different, yet buddhists didn’t offer the detail on how to meet the more dynamic needs of my body, nor would i expect it to have had all the answers, yet it lead me forward to discovering something that did work more for me. So if your practicing buddhism, mediate out doors kids, or near windows, and i promote shorted meditations over then longer ones. 15 minutes is actually better then 3 hours in my opinion. Spend this rest of the time engaging in the world, or relaxing in other ways. The body needs to sprawl out, lay back, lean, bend. Were not built to hold one pose for too long. I learned this the hard way, don’t screw yourself like i did lol.

Also  i realized the meditation i had known empasiesed ‘letting go of thought’ ‘clear mind’, it encouraged silliness, yet i realized much of my life had already been shaped and molded by stillness, hours of sitting still in class, my dose of that was already over full. now i’m more about allowing whatever thought some to come, fun thoughts, i realize the mind and body is in consiousant motion, on a subtle level, it seems like something we don’t talk about, but their is a deep reason for that, it’s rare or impossible to have a moment when the mind is completely clear or blank, or the body is perfectly still. some meditation teachers implied it was possible or even the goal. yet while i love relaxation and inner pease, i now realize there is deep reason why the body so much of the time needs at least a little subtle motion, matter itself is always vibrating, and now i underhand our bodies need this motion too, always honoring this subtle vibration. I promote being comparable allowing your worries to fade that is a big one, finding joy in uncreitniy, the ibetween and unplanned moments. hoping for and drawing my attention to a ‘clear mind’ in a way drew, me into my ~mind~, now i focus my attion more on having a ~full heart~ and i find this results in peace of mind as well. much of my life was also conditioned to value the mind, long before i got into meditiotn, yet for so much of this time i never realized how central the heart is in just about everything, it really is the bodies powerhose, now i find i almost always am taking care of it, consciously, or just out of habit. listening to meditation instructors now i realize many talk about ‘allowing whatever thoughts arise in your mind to arise without judgment of them, no need to control them’ so there is a lot of buddhism i still agree with, no one told me ‘stop your thoughts’ maybe it was sort of implied by some, i was sort of lead there by a series of vague instructions or well intended mistakes, because buddhsim is incomplete, like anything, much is mysterious and unfinished, so here i merely provide my ‘addition’ to what is already there! and caution about certain pitfalls. i don’t blame my teachers or anyone at all, most people live 90 years or less, and that just isn’t enough time to know everything. most of us pick something and get attached emotionally, because we just don’t have time to figure it all out, it’s important to recognize that and realize even teachers that speak confidently or are highly regarded still have much they don’t know, but maybe you know that already 🙂