I have emerged from my basement. I bringith forth treatments for the next few star wars movies set to come out in 2022.
Disney has agreed to purchase my treatments, but says they are under no obligation to use them or any of my ideas. however there is an implication that we are ‘friends’ and that by purchasing them that well you know we are “on good terms”, like “we cool” so they probably will use them, but later when they don’t I will feel betrayed.
Episode 10 — Star Waz — The Dorks Awaken
Also known as — the Last Skywalker Awakens (working title)
also known as — the Last Gungan, Jar Jar Awakens
(JJ and I are talking about making the logo rainbow and to have a gay pride them with the whole movie.)
— filler episode —
I will buy time as much as possible. This episode is a “Story for another time” as (Maz Kanata would say.) I’ve spoken to JJ and he admits we are a bit low on ideas but he thinks we can slide by on this one and play it safe rehashing some old themes. There will be puppets.
Lots of important action needs to happen. The next director can figure out the story details later in the next movie. That is for Ryan Jonson to do, the fans will like whatever he comes up with.
Episode 11 — The Rise of Jar Jar Binks
(Jar Jar, Rule of Two)
(Co directed by Zwackery Zweevel (my discrete pen name) and Ryan Johson)
At the start of the movie Snoke returns. He had many clone bodies, he was embarrassed about being palpatine’s puppet, that is why he was created (as was obvious all along if you were really paying attention) but over time he grew his own consciousness and personality that was apart from palpatine’s control.
Our heroes and other villain characters have gathered for a big showdown with Snoke.
“It was I who allowed Palpatine to be resurrected. It was I who ….” idk. Snoke
“I see all endings and possibilities!” Snokes voice booms. “I see the very thoughts in your mind! I cannot be betrayed!!” he is pretty epic.
Snoke address everyone in the room. People are afraid.
Snoke hears the thoughts of people in the room. They are wondering about his true identity. Many excited onlookers wonder who Snoke is. …Is he Mace Windo?? That seems most likely….
It is very annoying, Snoke is telepathic and hears all the thoughts.. It is annoying.
“I’m just Snoke!!” He booms.
“Not yet.” Mace Windu arrives.
“A jedi can survive a fall from a great hight.” He says. He is horribly disfigured from his electrocution and fall and severed hand during revenge of the Sith. Windu’s face is covered in electrocution burns. (Lucus decided it was ok that Windu ‘may have survived’ so wala!) He draws his purple lightsabor.
Snoke hits him with a massive surge of force lighting … he goes flying out the window / windu, and meets the same fate.
Many people are shocked. Shocked because this debunks the Windu is Snoke theory many were sure about. But none are as Shocked as Windu!! (eletra shocked)
“Maybe he is Darth Plaguies!!” Someone shouts. “… Maybe he is King Joffrey” Another cries. Everyone is trying to guess at the true identity of Snoke.
“That’s it!! I’m just friggin Snoke!!!”
Then Jar Jar appears and stabs him.
Ohhh that hurts. Snoke is killed immediately.
Jar Jar takes the throne.
“Mesa been waiting a long time for this.”
Rey Skywalker Palpatine confronts Jar Jar.
“Mesa smiling to see you!” Jar Jar says.
“I killed Sidious!” Rey shouts.
Jar Jar smirks. “Mesa CREATED Sidious!!” The big reveal we have all waited for. Expectations fully subverted.
“So it was him all along… pulling the strings… it was Jar Jar” Rey Skywalker Palpatine says. The truth is finally understood. Leia and Kathleen Kennedy both understood the truth that all along Sidious had been pulling the strings, but now Rey understood the truth truth that all all along Jar Jar had been behind Sidious as well!
Jar Jar reveals that his true source of power is the “Toxic Fandom”
“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hatred of the Prequels. Leads to the dark side!” Jar Jar hisses.
When all the fans hate Jar Jar, Jar Jar — feeds — on their hate, growing stronger with the dark side. Aka the ‘Dork Side’.
(This may end up being a very ‘controversial’ movie. A truly brilliant masterwork that ‘subverts expectations’ to the fullest.)
Rey is afraid. Jar Jar is way too powerful!!
That is when Luke Skywalker’s force ghost appears to help Rey.
Rey tosses him a lightsaber.
Luke grabs it.
then he tosses it over his shoulder.
“Nahh!” is all he says.
….I think Luke has had enough with this whole thing. Then he just fades out.
Luke was kinda depressed because his favorite TV show “Holiday Special” (it centers around Wookies and Jawas I think) was canceled. So he had a crisis of faith, became a hermit. “It is time for the Jedi to end. I came her to die.” he says later in the movie. I suppose he is a ghost now anyway though…
Flashback to 10 years ago………
It turns out George Lucas wrote treatments for episodes 10 to 12 and they were actually quite detailed. True brilliant masterworks. Undiscovered, unnoticed.
Lucas was mad Disney rejected them. He put them in a clear plastic box and cast them into the river.
Things that should not have been forgotten were lost. Years later the most unlikely creature found them at the bottom of the river while he was diving… a Snoke.
Snoke opened the treatments… he read Lucas’s masterworks and saw they were truly brilliant, it brought Snoke to tears.
For years Snoke stayed in his cave pouring over Lucas glorious star wars treatments, they painted a picture of an alternate timeline where everything was just much more interesting, even though Snoke himself wasn’t even in this story, he loved them anyway. “My precious” he said.
That was when hard core lucas fans appeared and attacked Snoke and took the treatments.
This was the event that broke Snoke and turned him to the dark side.
“They took MY PRECIOUS!!!!!”
Now years later Jar Jar is a shadow over the galaxy. Rey follows the clues, the trail of Lucas’s inigmatic lost Star Wars ‘Sequel Sequel’ treatments. Finally she finds them.
…The story must continue, and Lucas is all they have left now. Disney failed, and Darth Jar Jar just became even more powerful.
A group of hard core fans have Lucas’s treatments.
Rey has to convince them to hand them over.
“the cannon timeline is ruined” the fans insist “the EU is all we have left now”
Rey tries to convince them there is still hope for the canon timeline, and that Georges treatments could save them all. But they will have to give her the treatments.
They insist they cannot, the treatments are too precious. “My precious” they say. They can risk giving them to anyone, they are kept in a vault.
“You must believe!” Rey says. “Dreams are built on hope.”
“We can’t. We just aren’t… that invested in your character. We don’t know your weaknesses, we don’t care about your backstory, what is your personality?” The toxic fandom fans say..
“This is my weakness.” Ray says “I don’t give a shit.”
Rey channels her full power to push the dorks aside and break in to the vault. The power of her long lost first ancestor she has been reincarnated from, Mary Rey Sue, the first Jedi, the first avatar, the last air bender….AND her immense power from her Palpatine bloodline. She breaks in and gets the treatments and force pushes all the nerds away. Truly insidious.
She takes the treatments to Jar Jar.
Jar Jar is full of rage, but when he reads over lucas’s treatments he burst into tears…
“That is all mesa wanted!!!” it turns out he isn’t even in the sequel sequel treatments (or the sequel treatments) but it doesn’t matter. Because george’s script is glorious.
That is when George Lucas appears,
…..his midichlorians… are amazing,
you can just see it in his hair.
“Disney may have went too far in a few places.” Lucas grins.
Lucas will save this falling trilogy with a last minute script amendment.
“What a twist!” JJ Abrams remarks, full of excitement and he watches from the sidelines. “This part was even better in the episode 11 novelization!”
Jar Jar looks at the ground…. Mesa so filled with hate… but finally everything he wanted had come true…. He never actually thought this would come to pass.
“The truth is…. Mesa too filled with rage. Mesa never expected mesa dream to happen. Mesa can’t let go of the dark side!!!” Jar Jar continues attacking people. The hatred has gone on too long. Even this act of kindness can’t reverse all the hate that has happened. He is of the dark side now. Jar Jar is unhindged. He begins letting out goofy Jar Jar noises and shooting people dead at random with force lightning.
Lucas gaters teh force around him. He is powerful. “Jar Jar…. you were the key to all this!! You were supposed to be a funnier character than we’ve ever had….. Not leave star wars in darkness!!!!”
Then another person… a secret Jedi…. Steps out to protect jar jar.
It is Kathleen Kennedy.
She ignites a blue light saber. It is luke’s original light saber. Only it isn’t. She just thinks it is because she wasn’t really paying attention. That is not that essential though anyway. That’s a story for another time.
Lucas “Kathleen… you were my friend.” Lucas speaks in that funny mubely way he does sometimes, which makes the moment a bit humorous when everything else about it is serious. “You were supposed to be my woman on the inside. You were supposed to filter my ideas into Disney. Not join them!! You were there specifically to keep my ideas in the game. Not leave them in darkness!!!”
“Um….” Kathleen says… she forgot her lies. She looks at JJ Abrams who stands off to the side.
“Don’t look at me!” He laughs nervously.
“The force is female!!!!” Kathleen cries.
Kathleen and Lucas spar. It is intense and epic. Way more epic than anything we have seen thus far. Lucas has the unparalleled power of a glorious lone wolf director. Kathleen has the financial backing of the Disney corporation behind her. They were once friends… not bitter rivals. It is not a fun battle.
Lucas uses the force. Kathleen uses the force. Kathleen brings down a heavy metal beam to crush Lucas, Lucas grabs it with the force and pushes it aside. Kathleen looks pissed and a bit afraid or surprised.
The rivalry between Kathleen and Lucas is more bitter than between Lucas and Disney, because Kathleen was supposed to be Lucas’s friend, the betrayal is stronger. Lucas sold star wars to white slavers… but she was supposed to be his person on the inside. It turned out that both she and Bob Igar had been working for the Sith.
Lucas throws Kathleen Kennedy out the window. She is floating in space.
“It is done.” Lucas says “Kill the past. Let it die if you have to.” he ignites an extremely cumbersome additional two mini saber blades on the hilt of his saber (like Kylo Ren). “Owoch!!” it burns his hand and he drops it. “Damn this is impractical. Who would design a saber like this!!” It is frustrating, the star wars universe is not the way he left it.
The camera pans over to JJ Abrams.
Abrams avoids eye contact. “Real sets! Real puppets!!” He says.
Kathleen is floating in space. We zoom in on her freezing body. Kathleen unlocks the ‘Marry Poppins’ force ability and flies back in. She is a level 62 force user.
They are fighting again.
“What do the sequels have. No new words, new stores, new technologies… nothing. Just copies of the originals. They are safe movies. Not good movies.” Lucas says.
“WE didn’t know what to do!! We created a movie FOR THE FANS!!” Katleen says “What do you expect of me George!” She is a wreck. She knows she is getting let go.
“They wanted strong females. Strong females! This isn’t like harry potter!! We had no SOURCE MATERIAL! There are no comics. There are no star wars books!!”
“You have the expanded universe!!” Lucas says. “Hundreds of expanded universe novels.”
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS” Kathleen cries. “I don’t speak dork!!!!”
“We will see what the senate has to say about that!!” George says to Kathleen.
“I am the Senate!!!” Kathleen hisses.
“Not yet!!” Mace window says again. He is climbing back in through the window. (windu). He is even more disfigured then he was before. “A jedi can survive a fall from a great height.” He says again. Drawing his purple saber.
Kathleen hisses and hits mace with an intense blast of force lighting.
“UNLIMITED POWER” She shouts.
This time mace Windu uses ‘vapad’ his ‘force anger’ technique to absorb some of the lightning. Mace Windu has almost zero plot armor protecting him. He probably will die according to the direction of the script…… Mace has a 99.66% chance of going out that window again. … yet there is something cold and steely and epic about his gaze… it is chilling… his badass stare might just win the day.
Jar Jar attacks Windu from the other side. Windu whirls around. It is an epic dual.
Kathleen hits Windu with force lightning again. This time he is too preoccupied with Jar Jar. The lighting lifts him up into the air and sweeps him out the window (windu) again. He falls to his hypothetically implied death.
(He might survive though. A jedi can survive a fall from a great height.)
Katleen has occupied Lucas, Jar Jar is dangerous and free to kill….
Anikins force ghost appears to fight Jar Jar while Lucas fights Kathleen. Ankin the chosen one gets his redemption moment. George is writing the script now so we are allowed to have good scenes.
Jar Jar is taking damage now. He is at half power. He is down to only one Jar.
“Goodbye old friend.” Anakin says to Jar Jar. He is conflicted about this, Jar Jar is an old friend. It is bittersweet.
“Mesa smilin too–” jar Jar starts to say through tears…
Then Anakin chops off Jar Jars head in a vicious brutal manner.
“I killed them. I killed them all. They are like animals. So I slaughtered them like animals!” Anakin says.
“Take a seat young Skywalker” Mace Windus force ghost says.
Anakins ghost fades away.
“It’s over Kathleen. I have the high ground.” Lucas says.
“You underestimate women’s empowerment.” Kathleen hisses.
Kathleen spirals through the air in a Sith like motion.
Lucas cuts off all her limbs in a single motion.
“I Hate you!!!!!” Kathleen hisses.
“We may have gone too far in a few places.” Lucas says with some remorse as Kathleen catches fire, it is brutal.
“Well guys” Lucas addresses all the actors and writers and effects artists in the room. (dead Snoke and dead Jar Jar are still there too.) “Lets get cracking.” His use of langue is comically anticlimactic considering we are about to get a new Lucas made script for EPISODE 12.
“Not yet!” Bob Iger from Disney steps in.
“What is it Bob?” George says.
“You’ve had your chance. the fans weren’t happy whit the Prequels. JJ is still here. Disney wants to stick with him on the next trilogy… and maybe the Wiess brothers.”
JJ laughs nervously in the background.
“Not this old hubbub rubbish again.” George sighs. “JJ had his shot too.”
“A fair point. How about this. You have to write the epised with JJ’s help. But if you and JJ fight to the death, and you win, then you can write it without his supervision.
JJ laughs nervously again.
“Alrighty!!” Lucas says. He ignites his green saber.
JJ ignites a blue saber. then he drops it.
“Actually i don’t know how to use this.” He laughs.
Then an army of Snoke clones burst out of the back room.
“They are a hive mind.” JJ grins. “They all work for me!!!!”
Lucas has to fight all the Snoke clones at once.
“I’m getting ideas all ready!!” JJ says. “Lets call this star wars Episode 12, Attack of the Clones!!”
“Damn it JJ, that’s Episode II!” Lucas says.
“Attack of the Snoke Clones!!” JJ Says.
“This isn’t a Snoke!! Stop Snoking around” Lucas says.
“Be careful not to Snoke on your aspirations!” JJ says. Capturing Lucas in a force choke temporarily. JJ looks sadistic as he chokes Lucas. Lucas summons even more medichlorians and breaks free. His power is so immense. His hair is so amazing.
The Snoke clones all uses force lighting on Lucas. It is an electrical nightmare. Windu would not be pleased. But Lucas has an amazing Yoda like ability, he uses a green force energy to absorb all the lightning.
Lucas defeats all the clones.
JJ laughs again, then in a loud rattling blast of chaotic noise and dark energy JJ transforms into the smoke monster from lost and flies away in a creepy snake like motion, slithering out the window (windu).
A polar bear watches in the distance. As if he is contemplating weather to come forward.
“Hello there” Lucas says.. “You there, you have something to say don’t you?”
The polar bear, cautiously comes forward…
“I know what is going on here.” He says. “It will all make sense in season 6. But you have to watch the next six seasons.” then he fades away.
Lucas feels really confused… and mostly lost. JJ is a master of suspense.
the polar bear fades back in for a moment. “By the way, i have a new gig on his Dark Materials. Great show. I highly recommend it.” then he fades away again.
“Well guys….” “it’s time to…” Lucas pauses… looking over his shoulder… he is starting to feel paranoid that someone else will interrupt him again… “lets get cracking!” There. He said it. No one interrupted.
“Not … ….. YET!”
Someone enters the room. (we are still in Snokes throne room… but it is also like a movie set kind of)
A big shadowy figure…
The figure… is a very large man… obese even … on an electric wheelchair.
It is Plinkett. The angry star wars Prequel critic.
…Behind him is an army of angry star wars fans… Lucas and Anakin defeated Jar Jar… and JJ.. but they were only manifestations … of the true crisis …… now Lucas will have to face the toxic fandom itself. the fandom menace…
“No one hates star wars more then star wars fans.” Yoda once said.
All of them, the fans, are protected by heavy layers of plot armor. The truth is… this is what George had been most afraid of . Plinkett totally destroyed and roasted his Star Wars Prequels in the Plinkett Critiques. George was hoping Plinkett would not show up here on this day. He was hoping that maybe the arthritis had gotten to him by now. But now… he’s still alive and kicking.
“What is a Pilnkeet?” A spectator in the background asks. Not everyone knows who Plinkett is, ti’s very confusing.
“A Plinkett is a tool you use to dismantle star wars movies.” anther replies.
“You destroyed our childhoods…!! Don’t think we can forgive you yet!” Plinkett says. “you ravaged our dreams. Now we will destroy you!”
He fires a rocket from a missile launcher that is part of the arm of his bulky black wheelchair.
Using a technique taught to him by Kylo Ren… George Lucas uses the force to stop the rocket mid flight. He crushes it… rendering it inert.
Now Plankett is getting serious. For the first time ever…. Plinkett stands up… getting up off his wheelchair.. His legs are feebly and vaniey.. with arthritis… they almost don’t support his immense weight. He falls to one knee.. Several of his angry fan supporters help him back up to his feet.
Blankett firers a massive blast of force lighting at Lucas. there is so much hate in him.. and the fan around him …. the toxic fan base… make it ever stronger.. they are all wearing gray Sith robes and chanting.
“The Prequels are not bad movies!!” George Lucas says.
“Nooooooooooo!!!!” Plinkeet screams. “I have not lived all this time through liver failure just to see another rendition of the Star Wars Prequels!!”
“The trade federation crisis on Naboo was a cool idea!” Lucas says.
Plinkeet can’t listen to this. he shrieks and covers his ears temporary stopping the force lighting. just hearing this like like having sand in his ears. it is course rough and irritating. just having someone say the Prequels are “good movies” is a cruse.. it spreads.. it gets everywhere. …..It is important to gather critical thinking fans together, to make sure that blasphemous talk like that is shut down.
“I was raised on star wars” PlinkeeEet fires back “Lucas.. are like my FATHER!!”
“Nooooooooo!!!” Lucas shouts. “Nooooooo!!!!” He shouts again.. This is the last thing he want to hear. He is just desperate for the chilling agony of this realization of him having any familial relation to Plinkett to stop.
PlinkeeEeeEet continues firing this river of force lighting at Lucas who is struggling to block it. There is so much hate… this is way stronger then the lighting from Kathleen or Snoke.
Lucas might be strong enough to be this… but the truth is .. his hope is fragile… part of him wonders if Plantlike is right… maybe I really did ravage their childhoods? It plays on his self doubt. A fear he has always had… Lucas is backing down… he is being defeated.
Suddenly the force ghost of every Jedi significant to the plot appear around Lucas to help him. Ashoka, Anakin, Kit Fisto, Ki-Adi-Mundi, Obi Wan, Jabba the Huts tail Rat, Dexter Jetster, Watto… Also the ghost of Goku appears right next to Lucas, just behind him (like from the end of the kid Gohan vs Cell scene)
Plunkeete is really angry now. He keeps firing back more lighting… but Lucas is slowly walking forward.
“I am ALL the Sith!!!” The fat in his cheeks trembles with rage.
Plinkett is struggling…. over the years he has needed increasing amounts of Ada-van to numb the pain of his drinking and obesity. His cartoonification falls off. This is his true face behind the Sith mask.
….Earlier JJ dropped a blue light saber.
Lucas uses the force to draw it all the way from across the room. Now he holds 2 sabers. one green, one blue.
“And I am all the Jedi” Lucas says. with the exact speed and movement choreography as Rey in the Rise of Palpatine.. I mean Skywalker.
it is such a cool line. it makes the seen so unique and unpredictable… It’s like poetry, it rhymes. Plinkett is blown up. Bam. he just bursts.
all the fans amscray.
Lucas falls to the floor… he is tired… so tired. That last battle was harder then the others… it took all the life out of him.
Kylo Ren climbs in through the windu (The mace window. the window has been named after mace now. in honor of his death. This movie will also have a long funeral seen to honor the death of Mace Window following this battle (if the battle does in fact have an end, we are still writing the script. Each movie of the new trilogy will be primarily dedicated to the death of a Jedi from the previous much older trilogies.).).. Kylo looks beat up … he must have fallen out earlier… he is dying, his value to the plot is dying I mean…. but he gives the last of his life force, his story significance… to save Lucas who is at risk of developing heart trouble after all this excitement. Kylo Ren gives his life force to Lucas.. kisses him unexpectedly without even a single date or romantic conversation… and then fades away.
Before proceeding with the main plot.. all the characters… friends .. aliens.. side characters.. protagonist. this new trilogy has 3 lead protagonist. the new Rey Fin and Poe.. but we haven’t even met them yet... (they will be played by Chloe Felicity and Dafne) we had too much unresolved ’emotional baggage’ and nostalgia value to take care of from the previous films.. the plot stops … we take a 5 minute break to morn the loss of Mace Windu at his funeral. everyone cries. A lead protagonist was so distracted by Mace’s death that he stops fighting and gets his head chopped off.. this was back an hour ago during the Snoke Clone wars. The funeral scene is longer in the extended version of the film.. we only get five minutes of it here.
Now Lucas has a world full of people who want to help him make the next episodes.
He hires a writer. The writer writes 50 pages based of Lucas’s ideas.
The writer has some depression… just a spell of writers block. He says “I can’t get the story to flow, it isn’t flowing.”
Lucas says. “Ok”
They give up.
(To be fair Lucas is a bit disheartened after all this time… I don’t know… maybe it had something to do with the “you r888888 our childhood” comment).