Saying “I like you”

I was getting along great with this girl for months at this work training program (kind of a big community-ish place.) She was one of the few really positive forces in the direct physical proximity of my little life here. Things were great for a long time… and I decided finally to get a little more bold.. and ask her on a date. I wasn’t sure what she would say by any means. I saw her all the time. It almost felt obvious at this point.. to ask. But man… her reaction. It was silence for about a day. Then finally she said “I’m not looking to date anyone right now.”

Ok.. that’s fine. I told her that was ok. “I’m not in a hurry to date anyone now either.” I say. The thing is.. often girls just say that to get rid of you when they have some other specific reason to not be attracted to you. I just wanted to know a little more. And even as a friend, i wanted to get to know her more, as I had been doing before. We talked more, it seemed constructive, we agreed to be friends. It all sounds mostly cordial and good in the messages. She gave more then one reason for not wanting to date. Mainly it was that she “needed time to work on herself”. She really rubbed in the “just friends” things a bit too much. “lets just be friends.. and nothing else” Ok, I get it. ….But she was just sacred.. guys pressure her, sure, yeah.. I try not to take it personal. I do my best to sound confident.. but I’m really not an aggressive person. I just don’t like to be blown off in one or two sentences without more of a conversation about what actually just happened. just because we are not dating doesn’t mean i don’t vastly enjoy her company, being her friend, the things we talk about, as i had been doing up until then. she was a positive force in my little life here.

but yeah. it continues. it seems ok enough in the messages, rather good actually, respectful, articulate. yet when i see her throughout the day.. she is like physically running away from me, there is this very bad vibe, just when i happen to pass by her during the day. Things are not the same. it’s been over a week and she reacts like something really bad has happened.. just because i gave this “implication” i liked her. She is actually very chubby. I never said that to her that of course lol. And really she is very happy all the time and curvy (lol), and an uplifting force in my life in general.. she seems good with animals and kids. she says kind insightful things in group. she looks kind of innocent and cute but just starts rattling off all these really mature sounding things and topics without batting an eye. she looks like a big cute happy kid who like dancing to pop songs and eating lollie pops. but she has worked in hospitals. she can speak about any topic. she is serious. I thought she was like a hidden gem because you don’t notice her quality right away, or rather it has grown on me a lot. I feel very positive around her.. Lots of people can be driven in life by a kind of a stress or trauma, however you call it. She is very natural. She just looks healthy you know. I really feel for anyone with trauma like myself.. yet it is also true for me it is really healing to find one person like that who seems so grounded or ‘in nature’ kind of all the time.

I thought she would see this as a compliment, that i asked her on a date. Even if she said no. I didn’t have an expectation.. that was for sure. But i had waited months.. and my main concern was that she might think i didn’t actually like her and go for someone else who just had the balls to be more direct with her. I liked her more.. so i was taking my time. but knowing there are other guys out there.. that effects your process.

You have the right to say NO

AND you have the right to repair the damage

(a right to let them know why

and to talk things out between them and you)

A year ago i was actually in California, and i had met more then one great girl in my time there. it was some kind of serious miracle. I was forced to move back to New York. I am not a big fan of New York really. I like it.. but it is not the right place for me, maybe for a year or a few moths.. but not a place to grow up in unless you are already really confided about the way you life is going. lots of people to meet here.. but they are all busy. it’s a kind of illness, the constant busyness. I need warm weather.. chill vibes.. beaches.. year round. I have enough challenges already. The cold busy life of New York.. i wonder how it shaped me growing up over the years.. kept me more isolated… always trying to become something better.. cultivating that feeling that i didn’t matter.. afraid to seek out new groups. Eventually i did.. but man a nice environment really helps.

Even my cousin moved back to her home state because she said she couldn’t meet anyone in New York. many people she came across seemed to put work before family and relationships, they were preoccupied… the drive to “success” you might call it. For them they probably thought it made them sound more active.. the ambitions.. the devotion to work.. for her she wanted a family man. someone who valued the simple things. All those fast talking smart New Yorker’s probably thought they were making a good impression.. but there was something more obvious and basic missing.. and it is hard to know it.. when it is so apart of you.. i grew up inside it.. in California things were “better enough” that it helps me to see more clearly that there was a different way. that life really could feel easy or natural in relationship. It was like I moving my inner “tree” into the sunlight, when for so long i had been growing crooked in the dark. But i couldn’t afford to keep living there.

My life in general is a mess. out of control.. but i have to see the best in it. I live in these chaotic community homes… one to the next. this one is better then the last. That’s why i really wanted a friend like this girl. Someone so natural and stable. There are a few other people here i feel that way about.. but they are like my “superiors”.. people i “work under” so it is confusing asking if they want to hang out. they don’t ask me to hang out. there is actually even a rule that i can’t ride in their cars so it is super awkward and a little sad. also sad that i work under people younger then me who feel like they are friends, but like I’m not even allowed in their cars. there are lots of group activities but that isn’t always my jam. You want to feel like you can do the things you want to in your free time… and a few people in the group are really off the walls. Like a few specific people talking loudly over other people or randomly circling around the room being distrating. So all that chaos.. and the need for something calm and powerful.. put more pressure on finding a friend like this girl. the one person who is normal to talk to.. and not my superior. Like this happy ball of sunshine that just randomly dropped into my universe. but i had to make a choice about weather to be honest about liking her. I thought it might help move things along. If she had been feeling shy.

This girl, she kept saying that she needed to “work on herself” but it has been months since her last break up. i was never like.. in a hurry to “get with her”, never like in a hurry to “bang” her or something lol. I’m the type of person who could be contended with just for the pure joy of being around a person. It can feel so good to just finally have the company of a cute girl on a consistent basis. but her response.. brings up questions… what freaked her out so much? Does she see me as a preditor? Does she think i am disgusting that she has to over her eyes from me and run?

Before i asked her on a date two weeks ago.. we were taking with some regularity, making eye contact, comfortable in close proximity thorough the day, it was great, consistent, natural.. until i told her i liked her. I told her a bit more about my self. and asked a few question to get to know a bit more about where she was coming from and it all felt pretty mature and good for for the most part. and now when i see her in person she reacts like she is disgusted by me. and what really gets under my skin is that when she talks in the workshops here.. she sounds quite wise and mature, I am impressed by her. She says she wants a relationship where she can “talk about trauma,” because that is healthy to do.

Society doesn’t teach people how to handle these situations. i mean just the way this has been handled was extremely traumatic. talk about trauma. It feels like my gut is telling me that if her response is this brutal simply to a guy liking her.. that she doesn’t really understand the value of the relationships that continue to come her way just because she is cute. Society will never tell her to handle it better or to be kinder. Like she gets relationship after relationship (with guys who end up cheating on her)… and hopes for something better.. but takes it for granted, that there will always be another one,  guys will be asking her out.. so she can brutally blow off someone for all time if the timing isn’t right. it’s one thing when it’s not a good time for her. but sometimes it is like they really just mean “never”. i told her i was learning things and could use time to work on myself to.. that i wasn’t in a hurry. This type of thing just happens way to often. there are a lot of people in my area… but this was the person i had serious ongoing chemistry with. In California there were way more girls. but it was never easy. I was single until i was 29. I dated a girl for a few months once.

But yeah what is with this pattern of getting close to a girl.. but then it is like she is devastated to find out that you like her… It feels really fucked up. Like i am not her friend at all now. and i hear her talk about it and it feels like everyone among her it telling her this is the right thing for her to do. we had good vibes before. i never -needed- to date her. i don’t need it at this moment. but i need to feel like girls find me attractive. it is very confusing.. when you do everything right and are single for 29 years. I can tell by how this girl talks that she has blown off other men this this cold sudden kind of way.. and she is upset that most of them get angry. when i handed it very cordially and kept up a dynamic soothing dialogue.. she still treats me like we are in high-school.. like running away.. like holding a grudge. it effects me.. because i have no friends in this area.. she was also a true friend here.. now it is like she would rather hang out with the local retarded guy, not that there is anything wrong with being retarded, but this guy is also really obsessions.. but she feels safe with him? because she knows he won’t ask her out? what the hell. she and i are like the most normal people at this place. i just needed a friend and got over excited i guess.

I don’t need a relationship with anyone. but it feels like i can’t even be her friend now. you would think it would have been a compliment. she has the right to say no. but it feels like she was so hurt by it.. and we should be able to talk about that. why it hurt. or even better.. simply change the topic.. but stay as friends. i really don’t have a lot of friends in my physical proximity right now.. and i was really vibing with her for a long time. she’s just the right kind of natural person that I need to be around right now.. even just as a friend. we humans have got to stick together. this life is hard enough. loneliness is real. that was really all i needed.. i was just afraid she would think i didn’t like her. and any day the irony is that some guy who likes her less then i do could have asked her out.. because he would have been less invested in the result of what she says. that’s where it got complicated. otherwise i could have kept being her friend far longer before saying a thing. she is kind of goofy and chubby and I really do like her and I thought maybe she didn’t think she was good enough. man the roles have reversed like 180. I can’t argue with it or get in the habit of trying to prove i am good enough. Everyone has the right to say no. it is a lot more confusing when you have been getting along with someone for a long time.. and you see them every day. It feels like it would bring more relief to talk through this type of thing. there is no reason why she needs to be afraid of me.. and we see each other all the time.. it just makes things more uncomfortable.. it makes me feel bad.. and she had potential to be a true friend. It’s annoying to have to regret telling someone “i like you” but if you never tell them.. you will regret that too.

It brings up a lot of questions. like if you ask a girl out. and feel a great vibe with her. and she tells you it is not a good time in her life. and then starts to feel really conflicted and uneasy just knowing that you liked her.. like maybe guilty, it probably brought up a lot of questions.. like things that went wrong in past relationships she isn’t read to even start to think about. but then some other guy asks her out a year later when it is a good time for her. when she has worked out her demons. and then it is true love forever. so much of love seems like circumstantial.. being in the right place at the right time. i have been aware of this even since i was much younger… like say 17. love feels very natural.. but like society doesn’t give us the right way to talk about it or make time for it. We want the same things.. but if the timing isn’t right.. it can go very wrong.. people who like each other could become almost like enemies.. because you don’t really talk to the other person.. you trigger each other.. one person feels worthless and rejected.. the other person feels pressured and controlled. you both could be in agreement. but you don’t know it because you are afraid to speak to the other

You just have to hope that it is the “right time” for someone.. and it all starts to feel so totally random.. but when you actually see the person like in reality.. beyond what society tells us.. you feel a real connection.. something that is real and healthy and important.. even just being there friend.. seems to attract more good things into life for both people. I find it hard to talk to her.. because she runs away. it freaks me out. that she is doing that. like an overreaction. i feel like because she is not talking to me.. she just be imagining something much darker is going on. like she can’t know what i am thinking. she probably thinks i am pressuring and controlling her.. not handling a rejection well. I was really happy just the way things were. it is really silly. it feels like not talking about it is creating way more pain. but society will tell her “you have the right to say no. you have the right to reject” but that isn’t the actual quetsino here. that is a distraction. how do you mend a friendship? how do you repair a connection to someone? Before this we had a positive mutually beneficial connection.. that had been sorly lacking in my life for a long time. us humans gotta stick together in this crazy world. For guys the term “just friends” hurts.. it hurts a lot. And it is something that should be spoken about honestly. but it doesn’t mean that we are “in a hurry to bang” or “need” to pressure a specific person into a relationship. “wanting” relationship doesn’t make you “entitled” but i feel like society seems seems to strongly imply that it does. it is hard.. but it feels like guys and girls should be able to talk openly about this type of thing. like we are hiding in our triggers and triggering each other.. when the irony of it all is that the two of us are actually in agreement.. but she is a bit younger then me.. she is more afraid.. she is afraid to talk to me.. won’t actually told to me.. so she is probably imagining that i am this guy pressuring her into something she doesn’t want. stuff that isn’t there. I don’t like to wait this out forever. but i feel afraid to just walk up and talk to her. too much bad ju ju. like this girl will literally run away and it will make it so much worse. what did i ever do to disserve this? lol

So i saw her today. She  was walking by. It had been on my mind a lot. Why was she afraid? had i really upset her? I got her attention .. she didn’t actually run away this time. she smiled or walked closer or something like that. I told her i was afraid i had upset her.. and that i felt bad about it. i waned her to know that i was in agreement with her that we could be friends, and that i had no ill wishes to her. that she didn’t have anything to fear from me.

And she said “yes everything is good. it’s good. we are in agreement.” something like that. it felt positive. my eyes met hers it felt good. it was almost too brief. she was walking to the office where the have lollipops. she has a habit of going there once or twice a day to get a pop. she seemed in a hurry to get there. like that pop was more excieting then i was.

this brought another question to mind. perhaps she wasn’t that troubled by me at all. was it possible that i was simply such in inconsequential element in her life that none of this had really even effected her. it felt like she had been afraid of me.. but maybe that was combining with the fact that she was simply indifferent about me. that was equally scary. she seemed in a hurry to get to that pop. but i felt great. it felt like we were in fact on good terms now. even it it was resolved in just two sentience. now i had got it off my chest. a better version of what i had meant to say seven days ago before she stopped reading my message.

i felt good. it felt like something had been repaired. it wasn’t even as wrong as i thought. now i didn’t have to read too much into her actions or expression. it might be natural or reflexive for her to want to look the other way.. know that she knows i like her.. that we had that conflict. her trauma is feeling pressured into relationships. my trauma is feeling rejected and lacking relationship. We have opposite traumas. We triggered each other. it is sad. that we have to be so different and oppisite. like tragic irony. But it was never really “personal”. and we are actually in agreement that we both could use a friend right now.. and that is more important then dating anyone. (LOL of course i do want a relationship as a guy who as been single the vast majoirty of his life.. obviously that is only natural.. but i mean i agree that i have no specific NEED for it to be her.. or for it to be “now”) It is normal that you may not want to date a person.. but i don’t think girls like her always realize that there can be intense hidden implications behind what she says that can leave people feeling hurt.. that’s why it is good to talk about it. for her it is not a good time. she has unloved business. but some guys are used to being alone.. used to rejecting.. it is hard not for it to feel personal. and at the end of the day.. even just the friendship with a nice girl can feel very rewarding if you have been single so long. And it can lead to you feeling positive and actually attracting relationships with more people.. having friends of the other sex.. it is not necessarily bad to be friends with someone you like. i mean.. sometimes i can like 5 or 10 different girls and be friends with all of them. it has happened before. and it feels very positive.. and you end up not focusing too much on anybody. guess what.. they are all taken. who cares. it still made my life better.

i feel good about it. it’s an improvement. i go onto facebook. she handed unfriended me so i felt that maybe what she said and what she felt could be different things. i clicked on her profile. I’m just broad. i don’t have that many friends her. i was thinking about relationship. and the connections i have here. at least i could feel good that i am her friend again. then i noticed it said “message (her name) if you know her”. she had unfriended me. she had actually unfriended me over this and i didn’t even notice. we had only just friended a few weeks ago. that was so extreme. if anything i thought this might have brought us closer. we wanted different things but that is normal.. i had used it as a segway to talk to her about a variety of things in that conversion seven days ago.. we talked about why we were here.. what we wanted out of it.. something else.. i can’t remember. it was brilliant really, how much better i am at this. i was turning the negative into a positive. I could sell that conversion in a dating skills book.

but yeah then it felt like she was actually afraid of me. talking to her was great. but now i notice that she actually is not my friend anymore on the internet. she is younger then me. this is very normal for some girls. things get very dramatic. I knew somebody that would unfriend even her closest friends any time they had a big argument. I’ve never unfriend anyone. its sad. how happy and normal she seems. stuff like this is what makes me question that we are in fact on “good terms”. it feels very immature and ridiculous.. but i am short on options here. if i was in California.. i was meeting way more chill happy people there. this is not the place for me. i knew that from the start… i had no choice. I’m trying to focus on the good relationships i do have here. What is the purpose of this story? I feel like this type of situation comes up a lot though, and at the least it makes a good story.. at best we learn something profound about society and it helps us all find better relationships LOL.

 

SoulBlade, a custom game

This is a nostalgia project. I have been designing this game on my phone.

The story behind this game starts around a year ago.. I didn’t have access to my computer… so i was looking for something fun to do on my phone.. and then i actually found this application that is for game deign that works directly on your iPhone. The app “Hopscotch” is marketed at kids.. but it is really sophisticated. For a long time I wanted to design a computer or video game.. and now i finally had the means. it wasn’t easy.. this game is basically a series of hundreds of simple math equations.. telling images or objects to move by the “pixels” or “coordinates” on the screen. Telling them where to go relative to what the player is doing. Still it’s a lot of fun. It’s just a long series of simple equations, like “you move 20 pixels when button 1 is down” type thing. Also something about the program makes it hard to control the “sizes” of objects. you have to keep adjusting it in the blind with percentages until it happens to be right. lots of blind mental calculations. often objects appear way to big and you have to use code to shrink them. this also creates lag.

I’ve put the visuals in from many of my favorite classic games form the 1990’s and 2000’s. It’s basically a mixture of “Youshi’s Island, Castlevania, and Donkeykong” the combination is intended to be a bit comedic. And Castlevania is the primary inspiration. Castlevania is a game about using swords and whips to explore a vast castle and fight Dracula the demon king. This is like a fan game, and not technically my “own game” because it is a combination of others games. But sometimes even as a gamer I notice that I enjoy playing fan made expansions of my favorite games even more then I enjoy new or original games. So maybe it’s not a sin to remodel what is already existing as long as you don’t sell it. If it’s not broke don’t fix it.

So my game is basically Castlevania but with a kinds of goofy “Super Mario” esque elements scattered throughout it. I may have to recreate the game one day in a different application to make it available to more people. Years ago I was creating this same game in Adobe Flash, but my subscription ran out! So i can’t even use flash any more. The goal is to create a casual adventure that is more for fun and an excuse to relax then anything else. the game has a lot of randomized elements so you can have a different experience each time. Even if you can’t play it is fun to watch it, also because i can add music to the video that would be in the actual game.

Sadly it isn’t that easy to access for the public, I can’t sell it or even make it available to people in an easy way. If you download the iPhone app “Hopstotch” you should be able to play it, but it won’t have sound or music, and it may try to charge you 7 dollars after a month for the app. According to the creators of the app, they were able to play my game even though it uses outside images that sometimes don’t appear.

This project hit a wall when i found out it would be so hard to share it with others, not have it’s own sound and music, etc. So that’s why there isn’t a lot of motivation to really “polish” and finish this project. I have wanted to design games for a long time. Maybe one day I can continue this project on a different platform like GamesSalad or “Unity”. I am also considering trying out something called “Ocarina Sharp” that is fan made and lets you make 3D Zelda games, but I have a feeling it will be complex.

The story of “Nirvana Saga”

For a long time I have been working on an epic fantasy series called the “Nirvana Saga”. I have poured much of my life and passion into this story. It is kind of like a “secret” project because so much of it is unfinished, so I haven’t tried to make it ‘public’ really. The story is kind of a metaphor for just about everything, the “human experience” even though it takes place in the afterlife.. that is to make it exciting.. it is a story about trauma. and recovery. People in the story awaken in “Nirvana” the afterlife.. and find it isn’t everything they expected. it is actually better. yet the hardest thing is just learning to cope with and get past the trauma of everything that happened to them on Earth. In the story they are trying to uncover the actual reason for the existence of the Earth plain, the reason turns out to be something much darker then they thought possible.. and just when they think the story is over.. the quest to uncover the truth behind the reason for the existence of Earth awakens a new journey here in Nirvana, an unknown enemy, a sleeping beast they never dreamed they would encounter. This story is a metaphor, yet it is also a testing ground for my real opinions about the afterlife.

 

A synopsis:

The story of “Nirvana Saga” takes place in Nirvana… the afterlife. Zeathean and Lyra, after living and dying, surviving all the trials of life, they can now finally live together in harmony here in the free world. They settle into a small village, surrounded by nature, and live a happy life. Festivals day and night. Lyra is enthusiastic.. like a ring leader in their village. Many people have been hurt by events of their past lives.. but she wants them to find their genuine joy. Zeathean and Lyra now have closeness and love they had always wanted. it seems never to end. it feels way too good to be true. so good it is actually scary. There is so much to do in this new world. On the surface it is similar to the Earth world.. yet the more you explore.. it is endless. and magical.. everything they wanted about their old lives is here.. the simple things that matter.. and yet there is a new world full of adventure just waiting for them.

Nirvana is not actually a single place.. but rather a Multiverse full of adventure.. the true expression of soul. Contrary to popular belief Nirvana isn’t without pain and struggle. It has all the sins of earth.. However Nirvana is also very different, the physical laws it follows are almost opposite to what they are on Earth. In Nirvana.. getting stabbed through the heart can actually make you stronger, though pain is not enjoyable.

People who return to Nirvana from earth.. experience it like a whole new place. Now they have a much greater appreciation for all that Nirvana is. To them.. it isn’t even the same place that they left.. now that they carry with them all the experiences they had on earth. When you journey to Earth from Nirvana.. you forget everything that happened to you in Nirvana as you entire the antimatter cloud.. everything you knew is erased.. however on the return trip it is not the same.. in Nirvana the true world.. you tend to remember a fair amount of what happened to you on Earth, only what your soul remembers, not your mind which is no longer even the same mind or body. (On Earth past life memory.. and connection to the afterlife are both perfectly eclipses/obstructed by the antimatter boundary between Earth and Nirvana.) Having this memory of events on earth.. it can be traumatic. But it also means people who returned from Earth tend to seek out and collectively manifest, and then inhabit these places. These places may be your home.. a place you lived.. or your idea vacation spot. It is an entirely new place that may resemble your ideal dream environment, and often it is a combination of the overlapping dreams of many people that manifest these Nirvana environments. New environments are manifesting all the time. But that doesn’t mean the souls have full control over what appears here. These environments appears to reflect the life the souls here most desired.. which may not even be the life they “think” they desired. It is the life they actually desired. Which isn’t unlimited freedom. Often it can be surprisingly ordinary, but the way it feels is not the way it looks, and lets be fair, even ordinary places in Nirvana are still way more surreal and awesome in their look and stature to most of the places you see on Earth.Nirvana doesn’t just give you everything you want. because that would be too easy.. then there would be nothing left to do. Nirvana gives you freedom.. a new adventure. It gives you not a a life of unlimited power and freedom.. but simply the life you wanted when you were on Earth.

Nirvana is no superficial paradise… as many imagined or feared it would be.. rather it has it’s own rules and limits.. but it is free of the true misery and unlimited type of deviation that can exist on Earth. Everything in Nirvana is governed by light, not the dark. Some places resemble the ordinary environments of Earth.. yet even these places have a different feel to them.. this connected magical harmonious “feeling” that is always with you.. There aren’t hidden illnesses and tragic accidents that can take it all away in a heart beat. Life here isn’t “fragile” the way it is on earth. On Earth everything is a fragile construct built over top the dark.. build around it.. The ‘material of the Earth plain is mostly “empty”. Nirvana is mostly “full”. Continuous light. In Nirvana killing a person is harder then destroying a skyscraper. Because the strongest marital in Nirvana is not the artifice of matter.. it is soul itself. On Earth.. the power of soul is felt.. but not known.. not seen.. it is hidden to us, the true extent of soul, soul on earth is quite, drives everything we do, our highest ambitions.. yet at the same time it is invisible, unseen, unheard. In Nirvana soul is stronger then matter. However there, are, those in Nirvana with the power to take life. However this is not common. There are people who dwell here who have the strength and power of skyscrapers.. mountains.. or even entire planets and stars.. hidden inside them. you would never even know they possessed this power.

In Nirvana everything is governed by soul. Not by matter. In Nirvana you live forever, time makes you more youthful rather then older. Outer space is light instead of dark. Instead of stars in the sky there are ‘soul clusters.’ Full of souls with infinite possibilities to become anything they so choose to be. Nirvana is immaterial.. and eternal. The universe is 14 billion years old. But Nirvana has no beginning or end.. it has existed for trillions of years and will exist long after the material universe has imploded and all the stars burnt out.

Another misconception.. is that Nirvana is only for the enlightened, only for those who have awakened after many trials and lifetimes on earth. The truth is that good or bad.. everyone goes to Nirvana. (this is a story, I’m not telling you what to believe)

Arriving in Nirvana should have been the end of the struggle for our heroes.. However…. a truly insidious villain.. has been waiting all along, here, in the most unlikely place, in the very heart of Nirvana itself.. Our heroes defeated many villains back in the mortal world… but this time.. they may not win.. this time.. the villain they must face…… Is God.

God goes by no name. He gives life, and he takes life. Sometimes people call him God. But those very few who know him closely.. sometimes refer to him by a different name. That name is Armas. and this is the name we come to know him by for our story.

God aka Armas.. is radiant, and he is wrathful. He generates a powerful life force, that can create planets, grow trees, he is life itself. And yet, he has a dark side. Often times Armas seems to thrive on evil itself. And this is why… our heroes prefer not to see Armas as God. They call him.. Armas the “tyrannical Angel.” But his power is unquestionable. He does things that should be impossible. He brings back those who have been dead 1000 years. He teleports across impossible distances. He knows the inner most thoughts and feelings of trillions and trillions of people across Nirvana’s vast reaches. He is physically indestructible. He radiates light like an angle.. he acts loving sometimes, and fills you with his light, yet he desires only evil.

Armas is different then other villains.. he isn’t motivated by greed or marital gain.. rather the more our heroes get to know him.. it seems his true objective is evil itself. Armas enjoys physical combat. He is a warrior God. He sometimes appears with four arms, and wields four long swords of blazing white light or fire. He summons blue and white lightning. He is almost seven feet tall.. ageless. with long white hair and blue eyes.. he is muscular.. and also enjoys fighting with his fists.

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Armas also enjoys creating complex insidious schemes. He enjoys playing games with people that become very psychological. He likes to hurt people yet make them think they did it to themselves. And his brutish love of combat can be a way of masking his insidious genius. Armas is proud and arrogant.. he is boastful.. yet his keeps winning and winning. When Armas inflicts damage on people.. it creates some kind of electrical feedback loop inside his body.. that makes him physically stronger. Armas is a freak.. his will to hate.. and his tolerance of pain, is so unreal.. he just keeps training, keeps becoming stronger and stronger, over countless eras of time. He is older then anyone can know, older then the mortal world. No one knows who Armas really is.. or what made him this way. And most people aren’t even aware that he exists at all. He is evil. And yet flowers bloom for him, the trees grow for him.. and the sun shines for him.. because he is God.

 

There is a secret behind Armas. It is called “the Nethertwine”, the Nethertwine is a highly complex antimatter mechanism, like a weapon, designed to harvest the energy of mass human suffering. it shouldn’t exist and yet it does, this thing.. like a giant weed, it is hidden.. yet there.. pumping dark energy, a hidden network that runs underneath Nirvana. Clutching the very heart of the tree of life. The Nethertwine, it feeds this energy to Armas himself, to make him physically indestructible. Very few people are even aware that he or the dark tendrils of the Nethertwine even exist..

Even Armas the all mighty gets bored sometimes.. and he finally decides to spend a little time just to ‘chill’ and get to know our heroes. They are a strange fun bunch, they are experienced, yet care free, and Armas feels drawn to them. The truth is, he doesn’t have many friends. He has servants, and victims, but not true friends.

Our heroes are Lyra, a confident girl who can’t stop going on adventures and pulling everyone she meets into her crazy misendeavors, Zeathean and intuitive artist guy, inventor of “party theory”, and Sivlith a mad obsessive disgruntled talented scientist who lived in hell (the demon world, the shattered world) for 1000 years. Among others. Zeathean and Lyra want nothing more then to tare Armas limb from limb.. but instead they must pal around with him and indulge in his strange games that start off friendly yet could turn sadistic at any moment. They are forced to spend as much time with him as he asks.. because he is just too powerful.. if he wanted .. he could destroy them all. As insane as he is.. as much as he deserves to die.. Armas’s strange choice to pal around and go on adventures with them gives them an opportunity to study him.. If ever there were a way to defeat him.. this is a chance to learn.. and it is buying them time. Being his friend keeps them alive. You can’t die of old age in Nirvana… yet your spirit body can be physically obliterated.. and there are many unpleasant realms of the Nirvana multiverse that Armas can banish you to.

Zeathean is a seemingly regular guy…. Yet he once fought Armas… however even Zeathean’s full dark power.. God level 3 ..the reward for his suffering on Earth… was not enough to defeat Armas. Now…. Zeathean is continually perplexed when warriors even more powerful then he is appear, and yet still, none of them can beat Armas. Yevallah the mad profit, who sought to avenge his starving village on Earth, Avon the mysterious stranger who had been condemned to live out his life with brain damage before returning to Nirvana, Valkishin the x-soul (a specific type of warrior who trains to become stronger over many life times) all of them had incredible powers.. all of them were defeated.

Armas has conquered both Heaven (Nirvana) and Earth (Melcrosis, aka Hell, aka the “Universe”)… and he is an evil older and darker then any other we have seen. Over countless generations only 502 warriors have arisen to challenge Armas in physical combat…. they were each said to be “chosen incarnations of God”, each of them was destined to destroy Armas, blessed with the sacred power of light.. and each of them was …. defeated. …..Through some strange glitch in reality.. Armas the enigma.. has outwitted us all… Our heroes Zeathean and Lyra are obsessed with uncovering the truth about Armas. Even Armas himself has confusion about who he actual is and what has made him this way. He says that he is God and always has been, yet there are suggestions that the truth is something much much stranger. There is nothing to suggest that Armas should exist, nothing to explain his power. he is an anomalie. It doesn’t make sense.

Armas actually enjoys battle and putting his on life on the line. In danger, he thrives. There may be no hope that Armas can ever be defeated. But there is something curious.. something strange.. that is revolving around an ordinary girl… a girl named Lyra. There is a prophecy… about Lyra… Lyra who plays with flowers and butterflies, Lyra who doesn’t like fighting at all. She may actually have the power to destroy Armas… She is connected to him, somehow. She has this power.. but she doesn’t know how to awaken it, how to control it. But all Lyra really wants to do with her time is to have fun. And everyone enjoys the way she makes them feel. How could someone so gentle as Lyra.. ever stand a chance against the brutal Angel Armas? Lyra isn’t just ordinary… she is goofy.. a weird, funny, silly girl who loves to have fun. Everyone loves her. But no one believes that she has anything to do with stopping Armas.

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The prophecy about Lyra came from a few places and has a strange history to it.. There is a female sage named Nobanashi who are heroes eventually come upon. She is abnormally powerful and slightly insane. Lyra has this strange power.. but she doesn’t know how to awaken it. After our heroes failed time and time again.. Nobanashi is now the only one they can turn to for advice.. but there is a strange darkness behind her power..

Nirvana is the free world and it has no need for a God. Yet God is here all the same, in the form of Armas, and he is a control freak, who brings nothing but misery to Nirvana. Silvith the eccentric dark hared dark eyed scientist has gathered all the evidence and data.. and there is nothing in any plane or dimension of reality across all the vast reaches of Nirvana to point to or suggest the existence of such a God. Nirvana has no God. According to the data Armas should not exist. And yet he is here, in proud defiance of reality itself. He is a glitch. He defies the impossible.

However there are irregularities in Sivlith’s data.. such as there are abnormally large amounts of antimatter scattered across Nirvana.. this also has no explanation and should not exist by any reason. Given the amount of time and pressure it takes to create even a small amount of antimatter.. there seems to be some link between the two.. Armas and antimatter. However this reveals no key into defeating him. Nirvana is 5% antimatter.. which is large considering how dangerous the stuff is.. according to the data Nirvana should only be .01% antimatter. Every few trillion years the negative energy has a way of getting “flushed out” of Nirvana…  but these irregularities suggest that something has been preventing this… but it would still require amounts of time that seem impossible.

 

More about the setting:

In Nirvana people refer to Earth/the Universe by a different name… here they call it “Melcrosis” aka the “antimatter cloud”. Most people don’t go near it unless they want to or unless they are taken there against their will.. because once you get near Melcrosis it sucks you in like a magnet, it pulls you rapidly across light-years, it destroys your spirit body, and binds your very soul essence to a marital form, aka what on earth we call “birth”. ………When light enters the ultra dense antimatter cloud of Melcrosis it responds by spinning at ultra fast speeds to generate a type of centrifugal force… this creates an immense energy that protects the light against the dark matter/ anti-matter surrounding it, light  responds by becoming “light-matter” aka what we call “matter”. Every atom of your body contains an immense atomic energy, this energy is explosive, smaller and stronger then you can imagine. Aka “Strong Nuclear Force.” Yet the true purpose of this intense power is unknown..

The reason that energy is there.. is there to protect against something… something we don’t even realize is there. All the strange things about being alive… about being here on earth.. it all happens because the light matter we see and know… is responding to a hidden type of matter… something all around us.. Something we think we know, yet don’t know at all…… “dark-matter.” The truth of what dark matter really is… it is chaos. Reality turned inside out. A special type of matter Armas himself may have created long ago.. to become a cage for God. Dark matter, anti-matter, dark energy, different properties.. one substance. Chaos. Light.. inside out. There are many things in Nirvana.. yet light is the building block of all things, and there is only one thing that can stop the light, and that is dark-matter. Anti-light. Anti-God.

Were are all swimming in this massive sea of a foreign, unknown type of matter. We are only aware of it “theoretically,” we call it “dark-matter.” It us it is some “far away thing”, something that is “out in space.” To us dark matter is known only by the mysterious influence it has on pushing around large scale objects without seeming to exist. Our science only knows of dark-matter by the way if fills in inconsistencies in our laws of physics. We know it only through the influence it has on light matter around it. For how else, can you know the dark?

After arriving in Nirvana our heroes learn dark matter aka anti-matter is real.. and it is the most dangerous thing in Nirvana. In Nirvana, dark matter, anti matter, can be seen, with your own eyes. It can be seen from the outside, but not from the inside, not while you are inside the could, what we call being “alive” here on Earth. …….There is some connection between Anti-matter and Armas. His weapon, his soul harvesting machine, the Nethertwine, like our Universe, is also made of antimatter.

Antimatter is scary, because it is overwhelmingly dark.. but can also be completely invisible depending on your vantage point. As an “earth being” made of “earth matter” you can’t see antimatter at all, you only know it by its influence on light. The “speed of light” is actually a limitation caused by the light slowing down as it moves through the dark matter. The true speed of light is actually unlimited. In Nirvana there is no “cosmic speed limit”. There are limits but they are different depending on what plane of reality in Nirvana you are in. Antimatter can be seen in Nirvana… (however Armas’s machine the Nethertwine is so hyper dense that it exists on a dimension that is invisible to all beings of Nirvana.)

All the strange things about being on earth, the reason we eat food, our need to breath, are need to reproduce, the intense complexity of our very cells, our DNA, all of it.. is for one thing.. one purpose.. “survival” but what is it we are surviving against.. ourselves. each other? a predator. No… there is something else.. something more driving it all. Even in the basic nature of just being alive. They thing we are surviving against. It is fundamental to this reality. Even the very atoms of the universe, they exist for survival as well.. is it not usual.. cells made of molecules.. made of atoms, made of quantum quarks.. ? there is are so many layers. These layers were created.. so light matter could protect itself.. in the early stages of the big bang. Protect against what. Against the dark. The dark that is al around us. the reason people die. The reason the sun eventually burns out. IT is all thanks.. to the dark. We do all these strange things.. without giving it a second thought.. we find explanation, and believe what the group tells us, what is in the text books from the knowledge of previous generations, but something much stranger is going on.. something obvious that we over look. When you look past the atmosphere of earth, the clouds, what primitive people saw as “heaven”, you see that is is but a thin layer to hide us from the dark. And that we are just a rock in space. Existing in this vast chaos of the void. Majority of the universe is not light. Living things, “nature” makes up less then 1% of the universe. the vast majority of our world is not life, it is dark. Why is that?

Melcrosis, aka “the Universe” is not like other dimension of Nirvana. Because Melcrosis is 95% dark energy and dark matter… and this is not true of any other part of Nirvana. Only 5% of Nirvana is comprised of dark-matter. Our Universe is an overwhelming irregularity compared to the rest of the larger reality… which is why it is often referred to from the outside as the “Inverted World”. Maybe that should be the title of the series? People who travel there are called “earth trippers” or “travelers”.

To call Melcrosis a “simulation” would not do it justice. TO call it “holographic” is close. the sun is like a projector.. projecting love and light onto us.. like a higher power.. This world, this “Earth” is floating in.. surrounded by, the dark, and yet there is something else here. something divine. Something that keeps us coming back for more. Like a flie to a lamp. This divine thing is real, it is magical. It is there in the quantum foam. it follows no rules. Entanglement. Micro-teleporatoins of electrons around the neuculeious . Things that don’t happen on the larger scale.. yet are apart of the nature of light life and Nirvana. And yet the dark matter here is always splitting it… eating away at it, limiting light, and it’s true free nature. So here on the larger scale, things follow rules and behaviors, I can only jump so high, i can only walk so far, yet this creates the illusion that this is “all there is” to life, and that this is all there ever was. There is something else here.. something magical, something that makes life worth living, and yet, it is just a feeling.

We know there are things we must to do stay alive.. to make a living. And this can be overwhelming… and make us think that we are not free. and yet.. we are free. We are made out of the same light that is existing in Nirvana. the same magic soul essence. But we are up against a challenge like no other. The interaction between light and antimatter causes light matter to behave in ways that can predict, and this is what we call “science” or “physics”, it takes our freedoms at times, these rules that life follows, yet light is not limited to these behaviors, and these behaviors off matter we see say more about the dark then they do about the light.

I wish Melcrosis was a simulation.. but it is far too real to be that. The pain can make you numb, but whatever your choose, there are real stakes, to your soul, and the souls of others. Anti-matter is impermanent. Eventually it caves in to its own pressure and flips back into the light energy or light matter it once was. However this takes a very long time. You could argue that “time” itself is the weakness of antimatter. Antimatter is on a clock. Because of this you could call the universe the “divine illusion”. It is the only reality we know. Yet it is not Nirvana.. the true reality.

There was a time when everyone believed the earth was flat. This was simply accepted as truth. Until it wasn’t. There was a time when everyone believed the Earth was the center of the solar system.. until Galileo came along with his telescope. they called him crazy, they all did. But eventually we learned that earth was not the center of the solar system, it wasn’t the center of the universe, or of the galaxy.    And now there is another question no one thought to ask.. Is our Universe at the center of “reality”. Or maybe.. what if our universe.. is specifically existing off-center.. from the rest of reality.

What if there is a center.. and that center is not here, but in Nirvana. Scientists have considered the existence of a parallel dimension… to explain the inconsistencies in our laws of physics.. the reason why gravity is weaker then it should be, things that don’t make sense, Einstein’s inability to find a “unified theory” that could explain the laws of the big, the cosmic, and the laws of the quantum, the small. What if were are looking for this theory in the wrong place, we look for the answer here, inside this place we call “the Universe”. If we consider a parallel dimension.. not many.. but just one.. one other, that is very different to our own. Maybe things would make a little more sense. This other reality, the true reality, Nirvana. not the “after-life’.. as we call it.. but simply “life”.

The reason we can’t see antimatter is because seeing it would render us blind. there is so much of it around us. It would not benefit our survival to see it. It would become like a blindfold to daily life. It is also possible that because we are made of light, we can only see and perceive other things and people that are made of light, we can’t see the dark, because we are not built to see it. Or perhaps we can’t see the dark because it is the dark, because there simply is nothing to see. The actual amount of energy in space is very small.. we are made of atoms and majority of the atom is empty space, protons neutrons electrons, only make up a very small part of the atom. everything else, empty space, yet it turns out this empty space isn’t empty, it is actually dark, full of dark matter and dark energy.

This ‘dark’ is not as natural as we think. And it has an effect on the light matter we interact with in the universe. This dark is everywhere. Yet we can’t see it because it doesn’t benefit us to see it, it would render us blind. We can only see the light because the light benefits our survival, it is our survival. Majority of space is not made of light, yet light is all we see, unless we are actually in outer-space where the darkness is literally overwhelming. Even in broad daylight, everything appears to be solid, everything appears to radiate light, and it does, but this light makes up less then 5% of the space around us. Everything we think and do is because on a reality that is only 5% of the actual reality we are in. It can help to be aware of the other 95% but at the end of the day being aware of it doesn’t benefit us that much. It’s only 5% but that is our food, our sustenance, our survival, and that’s why we have to focus on it and live for it. Yet being aware of the dark, and it’s nature, can help us to protect against it. To know that loneliness and boredom (which aren’t always considered that serious) can be lethal. That it is important to enjoy your life. to get out and have fun.

Worrying becomes a cycle because the hidden dark matter will feed off your worries. so that is why people seem to awaken this deep joy when they simply make a “choice” not to worry about things that seem worrisome. the darkness will feed of anything negative, so we make a choice not to feed it. And that is the less, that is the positive spin we put on this. The darkness is here, but we are the light, not the dark. And the darkness is invisible, it can hurt you, even if no one notices it does, so that is why it is important to take care of yourself.. and know when you are hurting, and not ignore your feelings and instincts simply based on what the majority tells you is so. You feelings inform you about the energy, the light and the dark. The energy is difficult to measure, difficult to see.

In modern society we tend to see feelings as whimsical, something you have to ignore to get the job done, “don’t get emotional”, but the feelings are the only thing that can clue us in to these invisible energies.. the matter of life is what we see and know,… but it is energy that defines our joy and success.. and mater quickly “feels hollow” when we live life just based on what we see and know, and not what we feel. The feelings aren’t just chemicals in your brain. they are electric and magnetic pulses in the organ of your heart, they have voltage, there is a field. Even Tesla believed in this. Modern understanding is overly material. We end up treating symptoms instead of causes. So much of life is about the energy.. yet energy is hard to understated.. and often fear is what drives us to understand, to know, it has to be felt, before it can be ‘known’.

If dark matter is all around us, how come we don’t see it, how come we never suspected it was even there? That is because all kinds of things that happen, behaviors of energy and matter, that we consider ordinary, are actually being influenced by dark matter. Dark matter, it is what causes things to decay over time, it is what causes organic substances to turn into toxic and the unnatural. If not for the dark matter, we would live forever. It isn’t “time” tiself that causes death and decay. but rather the byproduct of the dark matter eating away at the light. Antimatter has a time limit. And it is slowly degrading, over billions of years, closing in on us like this fist, it squeezes the light out from inside it. it is enclosing us. We are not “born” we just pass in through the wall of darkness, we don’t “die” we just slip back “out” through that same wall. Energy belongs to Nirvana, it begins and ends there, it is renewed in Nirvana. the energy of your body is trying to get back there, to the source. It doesn’t belong here, in the dark. That is the real reason why we die. There is little evidence on Earth, that Nirvana even exists.. all we can see is what is in front of us, yet it is the absence of something important that points to it’s existence. The lack of a unified theory. Things that happen yet lack explanation. (And to believe in the afterlife has brought something good back into my life, that was not there before, before when i believed only in what i could see, what was in front of me, back when i ‘felt things’ but didn’t truly embrace the strange meaning of those feelings, and still clunk to hard facts, hard science for the ultimate truth. Things in my life had been dark, and when i came to believe in the afterlife, suddenly it became better. Suddenly, everything had a purpose, a reason, i didn’t have to depend on material validation, it didn’t matter if people knew my efforts, my trials, and successes, or if they didn’t, if i was someone, or if i was no one, because in Nirvana it would all be reward, not through some god handing me material gifts or 50 virgins, but through my soul itself, in Nirvana.. my soul would be free, to feel everything and to have everything that that had been taken, the love. If began with a feeling of “there has to be something better then this” but since then.. the theory has come a long way, it has provided explanations i didn’t expect it to, and believing makes me happier.)

In Nirvana you are free to pressure whatever you desire. However this isn’t true just for the good people, this also mean people with dark intentions they were unable to fulfill on earth are now free to lust after their evil ambitions to the fullest. this doesn’t mean they won’t be met with justice. but here in lies our story. Armas is not the only villain. he is just the most powerful. yet he is so powerful that no one can even fight him. So instead our heroes indulge Armas’s offer of friendship.. and they go on to conquer powerful foes together as a team.. Armas is board.. he needs entertainment. All the why.. their true opponent… Armas… is the one right before them.. the person they talk with and laugh with right here in close proximity. One day they will find a way to beat him. In Nirvana a man like Armas, who feeds of his own pain and the pain of others, who actually enjoys suffering, he is free to act on his will to suffer without having to worry about damage to his physical body. On earth this would not be possible.

It is possible that Armas created Earth, Melcrosis, as a training ground to create stronger warriors.. so that finally he would have a true clanger.

There is a another hidden villain in the story. This villain is Melcrosis itself. Or rather… a cycle that exists between Nirvana and Melcrosis. Those who return to Nirvana after a trip to Earth are not the same as the where when they left. This much is clear to the regular people of Nirvana. A deep transformation occurs. Nirvana has everything you can ever dream of. However there is something, something intense amazing and powerful, that cannot be found in Nirvana.. that can only be found on Earth. No one would have believed it… but when the Melcrosis survives, the earth trippers, return from their journey, it is clear that they are changed, you see it in their eyes. It is what we call “true love”.

Those who return from Earth, have a new capacity to feel. They feel emotions 10 to 100 times more powerful then they did before they left. Upon return to the haven of Nirvana, the layer of mater, and the layer of antimatter are both stripped away from your spirit, and your true spirit body regrows around you. A body of continuous light. All that matter numbed and clogged your ability to feel. Now here in Nirvana you can feel everything… Everything you used to feel.. but also something new.. You feel everything that happened to you on earth. It is dark. but all that pressure… and the pain of the trials on earth, forced the soul to become stronger. The soul responds to the dark by becoming stronger. The entire time on earth, even when your body takes damage and gets old and weak, your soul just keeps getting stronger.

And it’s not just that you feel more, the soul itself becomes ultra dense… like a weapon. Like a God. And this begins to hint at the explanation for Armas’s power. Many have returned from Melcrosis with God powers. Yet Armas trounces even these people. Sivlith has not given up.. he is a scientist.. and he knows there is an explanation for everything. If ever there was a hope.. it lies with the Melcrosis survivors, the people like Zeathean Lyra and himself…

Even if they could actually win, beat Armas, and have all they dream of in life… There is still this.. This what Zeathean and Lyra fear.. this cycle between Melcrosis and Nirvana. The pain changes you, makes you want more. Will it ever end? Zeathean and Lyra… everything they do is driven by the love that is between them.. and yet.. they are aware.. that this love came from the trials of Earth.. the place they hate the most. And that eventually these feelings will fade.. weather it takes 100 years… or 1000.. the feelings of love wear off… and eventually they will be driven, to return… to willingly seek out the thing they hate the most.. Melcrosis. a life inside the void of chaos. Anything… so that they can feel that feeling again.

They will be driven back.. to seek out their own demise.. something so disgusting. And how does that make them any different from Armas? Even if they one day find a way to defeat Armas.. how can they defeat Melcrosis.. how can they defeat themselves? They want a free world. They don’t want to suffer forever. Armas manipulates traumatized people. Suffering is dangerous. In Nirvana suffering actually makes you stronger.. the soul responds by becoming stronger.. as long as love is driving you to some extent. Without it you lose the will to fight. But it also makes you insane.

Originally Armas created Melcrosis to hurt people. But because it give people stronger emotions… “true love” people actually came to enjoy it. How sadistic are we? Now billions of people were willingly traveling to earth every generation. All thanks to his evil experiment gone even more wrong. Will the cycle ever end? If people desire the aftereffect of the experience they have on Earth… they will keep returning.. to feel it again.. experience what can only be found on Earth. When you return to Nirvana after Earth.. it is like love for the first time. Everything is rewarded.. everything is forgiven.

Yet our heroes still have a job to do. There souls may be broken.. compelled to seek out pain for the enhanced feeling of love it brings them. And yet.. they still have a choice to stop things from getting worse. Armas always craves more power. And he is not done punishing. The trials of earth gave them this “true love” but should they simply lie back and allow Armas to abuse them? Armas has the power to take it all away.

They will one day have to choose.. resist the cycle to return to Melcrosis… or give in. But maybe there is something else.. a “third way” as they begin to call it. A way to give people the freedom to chose what they want. A world free from the control of Armas. The situation is dark, there souls have taken damage they cannot repair, even in Nirvana, even here, the damage remains, because it is so profound, so addictive, even after it is healed, you are compelled.. to seek it out again.. to feel that again.. that “true love”.. They are forever changed by their time on Earth. yet they have a choice, to take action, to prevent things from getting darker. To choose what they want and not let it happen to them. They way things are going now.. things could get darker.. they won’t just be living with scars.. if the punishment continues.. Zeathean or Lyra.. could become the next Armas.

What is Armas? Someone who is truly broken. Someone who lives for evil, hate and revenge. Someone who has no shame about inflicting damage on self and others, just to get high. Here in Nirvana.. where there are no physical limits on what you can do, on what you can become. Armas gets high.. High on the intensity of that raw conflict, the pressure and power that exists in the battle between light and dark. Armas is not the dark, or the light, he is the conflict between them.

the Zelda Randomizer is amazing

I’ve been playing this Zelda Randomizer recently. It really amazes me. Specifically it is “Zelda a Link to the Past”, the game from 1991. Over the last 10 or so years I have seen many amazing “Zelda hacks” and game hacks… aka fan made games that hack into the code of a classic original game and adjust it a bit … or remake it over completely. It has brought back much childhood joy. I use an emulator on my computer and plug in an “8bido” SNES controller. I can even use it to play Nintendo 64 games. I never expected a “randomizer” to be that exciting. but it really has been on of the most exciting Zelda fan games aka Zelda “hacks” I have played. They give you like 100 different characters to choice from. Like Shantae, Medley, or random anime characters, you can even play as Batman, a bomb, a treasure chest, some really goofy stuff. It randomizes items.. entrances.. and even the color of the background. It feels like having 100 new games to play. The randomizer is great. It’s what I’ve been looking for. because it gives you a new experience every time. They were very through. Even though the items are in random locations.. the game is still “beatable”. but it does get very hard sometimes.. you will need something very specific to progress the game.. and it could be anywhere. I’ve started 5 files already all of them have gotten stuck at one point, where you just can’t find the item you need, even for a pro like me who has already beaten the original version of this game like 30 times, who is obsessed with every little cave and secret room in the game. But i was able to get at least half way into most of them, it is worth it for the new experience. It gives you lots of customizable options so you take control of what you want. you can make it random.. but not too random.. hard.. but not too hard. you know.

https://alttpr.com/en/randomizer

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The problem with many of these fan games is that they are way too hard, and mostly I play for casual enjoyment. Sometimes when you are an excited fan creating your own video-game, you have time to play it over and over, and because you are the creator, it feels easier for you to beat it then it would be for someone else.. so you keep increasing the difficulty without even realizing how hard you are making it.  however that is not the case with this, because it’s just the original game on hyper randomizer overload. Often I play games for enjoyment, the goal isn’t even always to win.

I find out about most of these games through youtube. It’s really much better then the original game from 1991… which is already really good. In most Zelda games you go from one thing to the next. one quest to the next. What is innovative about Zelda is that the quest can take you anywhere on the map and you often return to places you have already been to uncover something new you couldn’t access before, it’s about exploration and adventure, it isn’t linear. (like Skyward Sword LOL!) But this is even better because you often have to keep track of like 3 different quests at the same time. I’m beating this dungeon over on the mountain.. and this one in the swamp.. and in think a cave near the village has items I need.. there isn’t a specific order the way there was before. You may have to enter a dungeon.. knowing you don’t have the items you need to beat it, but you still have to because it may have items you need to access a different dungeon on the other side of the game. It gets crazy. I opened on file and cut down a bush that had a hole underneath it. It was one of the first things i did.. and the hole dropped me down right to the final boss, Gannon. And he was like “you can’t beat me yet.” Which is kind of the way the newest Zelda game, breath of the wild, is set up. It give you a sense of freedom… anything can happen. Another time I made the choice to do this dungeon backwards because i realized it might lead to a different area of the game.. and it did.. it got me on top of the mountain, a later area, it was like the 9th dungeon, but I had to do it first, and it gave me access to the mountain from an usual angle, so I then had to use the hook shot to get onto the primary part of the mountain, thanks to the randomizer I also had this item way ahead of time, but there were other items I didn’t have. Like i didn’t have the lamp, a more basic item, so I had to explore some areas totally in the dark. It just gives you a very different expreice of a classic game.

https://alttpr.com/en/randomizer

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