We Conquered Love, it’s almost epic

I met this amazing girl recently. I remember thinking that she was the hottest girl in my town/community, and thinking there was no way she would be interested in me. My plan was to talk to her if she wanted it, but not to ‘over focus’ on her, not to make her my main focus or romantic priority. She was inviting right away and invited me to sit next to her at this meetup event. However stuff like this happens to me now and then and i tell myself not to get ‘too attached’ just because I ‘got lucky’ and a pretty girl asked me to sit next to her. I had little connects with her for the following months. But then recently she needed a place to stay and moved in with me in my house where we live with six other friends. From that point on i told myself still not to get ‘too excited’ but after just a few days, something changed, i became much closer to her. Turns out she has a boyfriend and the cynic in me says ‘of course all hot girls are already taken’. i’m kind of selfish at this point in my life, being 29 and single, and am still wanting to pursue her. But it’s only because i also sense she has interest in me. I’ve been trying to get a girlfriend since i was 13. That makes this a 16 year quest lol. I don’t’ like to talk about it that much but i am actually a vergin. I think there is no same in this. I was ready to start a ‘vergins anominous.’ I think there is too much of a ‘race for sex’ with men, and it really isn’t something we need to validate our male pride. For the last 5 our so years i have been more interested in a quest for love then a quest for sex.

I did my best to send her the right signals to this girl. Lets call her Revanna. it’s only now and then. I try not to overwhelm her or come off as needy. They way she looked at me, looked into my eyes, and things she said let me know she liked me. When that happened i tried to give back, to send her the right signal. I like to make it a bit humorous, so it is friendly and not scary, being too direct can be scary or even crude to people. She told me she was “recovering from drug addition” so i told her “funny, many of the girls i really like seem to be recovering drug addicts.” I think she liked that. The statement let her know that i ‘really liked her’ I opened that door. But because it was indirect, it just ‘lets her know’ without forcing her to respond to it. There is a place for being more direct but in this case it wasn’t until after we made love. She told me i was beautiful so at that point it was pretty easy for me to feel safe telling her i felt the same way. I told her she was hot, and she told me i was hot. I never experienced anything so complete. At another point she was telling me that her ex needed anime porn to get off. I ended up telling her something like “I actually watch that too lol. I watched regular porn too though. I guess i need both. I don’t actually like porn that much because it feels kind of aggressive, i don’t really like watching other people have sex, so i guess technically i watch ‘videos of women’ that may or may not be porn.” I told it as kind of a ‘funny story.’ I remember thinking ‘what the fuck kind of dating tactic is this, I am telling her about porn. it was ok because she brought up the subject and i could tell from her personalty that she was ‘cool’ talking about most anything. It felt important to bring the subject up at least once because, to respond to that opening she gave me to talk a few sentences on that topic, because it lets her know that i have those desires. she had told me about her sexual inclinations, her struggle to remain comiited to a single person. It felt important that i open up too, otherwise she might actually think that i was too ‘proper’ to have sexual inclination, or some shit, she might just think i wasn’t interested. in the past i would say so little that girls would think i actually wasn’t interested. even when i definaly was. I try to say just enough for them to realize that i have these thoughts and feelings, for them or girls in general, without going overboard. I think because i opened up about these stuff, she felt comfortable to continue opening further to to me, asking to hold my had and ‘cuddle me’.  At one point i was walking around with her outside, and she asked to massage my hand. I tried to make it seem comfortable and natural, like it was ordinary or totally cool, I wanted her to get that i was ok with it, often guys might go overboard and say something too sexual at this point, or say nothing at all. It is actually very simple, almost too simple, but i found that perfect middle ground. I just waited a bit and let her massage my hand, she said “how does that feel?” i said something like “that feels nice.” The old me would have said “that feels fine.” And that would have made her think i didn’t like it. A lot of these things are like strange habits. I think that “fine” is some kind of safe word, because i’m afraid in the past of saying too much. but I knew this time that it was important to say “nice” or “good” and not just “fine”. I think i probably could have done a bit more, i tend to be overly cautious. She told me that she has liked me this entire time. I remember  many times being afraid just to say “hi” to her. I realize i could have been a lot more bold, just interms of ordinary things like saying high. This girl is 25, she is close to my age. I’ve met some girls who were a bit younger and just not interested. Because of that and my past experiences i tend to assume any girl i like won’t be interested. but that isn’t true any more. In this case she was interested, and I could have been more active in approaching her or saying hi to her. I got lucky that she moved into my house, there are six of us living here as friends. And living togeather made us way closer.

After things went so well with Revanna i started to reevaluate a few past relationships. I can think of a time from last year where a girl was nice to me but i thought she wasn’t ‘really’ interested. but she said things like “when are we going to go on a date Zack?” the singles were mixed. i thought maybe it was some kind of a joke. but then she was more forward the more recent times i saw her saying things like “Zack is one of my favorite people” to one of my friends. and asking me to go on a walk with her. I remember a day a year ago when we had a chance to hang out but she didn’t talk to me, here head seemed somewhere else. But maybe she just thought i didn’t like here. I think she was ‘going through shit’ but that didn’t have anything to do with me. Maybe she liked me all along. Like with Revanna, i could have included her more. This Revanna girl is so attractive that even though i wasn’t ‘sure’ she wanted to talk, i would just see her and be like “hey!” i tried to make eye contact with her. I remember thinking she wasn’t that responsive. but i think i was being to self critical. Because the next time I saw her she was driving by and she gave me a big wave, then she responded to my friend request on face book. It was that ‘delayed reaction’ effect I refried to in my Naturally Social book at one point. i have so many versions of that book i’m not even sure it made it into the final ones. Sometimes when you give ‘the love’ to someone, i mean in an appropriate way, like saying ‘hello’ they might not ‘appear’ to give back at first. they make a mental note of it and then feel more inclinde to ‘give back’ in the future, to say hello in the future. we get disgorged to easly. i’ve even noticed this in myself. once this hot girl was inclusive twords me, she asked me how i was doing. but i couldn’t think of anything interesting to say. it felt like i didn’t have a ‘good’ response to her that reflected her energy / the joy i felt. but then 30 minutes later i got another chance to talk to her. it ended up being a great conversation that when way past my expectations, it just started with me wanting to ‘give back’ a good vibe that she sent me.

I was hanging out with this Revanna girl one night. She told me she wanted to “cuddle me”. We went to her room. She told me to “just relax”. It was compassionate and not ‘annoyed’ or something. It was helpful that she said that. After like 15 or 20 minutes she asked if I wanted to have sex. Like an idiot I said “maybe”. I think i get so content just cuddling or being near a girl that i don’t even want any more. I am used to a very slow rate of escalation, like years or even decades lol. But I immediatly remembered that one other time in my life i turend down sex with a beautiful girl. I had my reasons. I wanted a relationship with that girl and i was afraid she just wanted one time sex. But the opportunity never came again. It would have been worth it just for the experience. Life can be so chaotic and unpredictable. I knew that another chance might not come again for like another 2 years or something lol. So after a few seconds i was like “actually, lets have sex.” It was great to have her on top of me. I didn’t reliaze how much rigerious humping was involved. For 16 years, from when my quest for love stared at the age of 13, till now, i just couldn’t succeed with women. I began to feel hatred inside me. I wondered if women were more ‘evolved’ then men. If they had evolved beyond the need for love. They could focus on there higher passions for art and academic ambition. While men were controlled by base desires for the booty and other sexual inclinations. I told myself stores like this out of hatred, to try and explain things, to make sense of everything. I told myself that women were better and they didn’t need us. It was great to feel this girl humping me, because it made me feel that she was just like i was, that she had the same desires i did and that we could embrace them together. In this strange place where heaven and earth intertwine. We humans are almost like angels in the way we appear yet we have this animal side to us. Society keeps us so straight laced, we block out our desires to maintain a ‘polite’ and appropriate social facade. Some of us feel so timid about our desires that the other gender doesn’t fully reize that we are ‘into’ them. We don’t find creative ways to express our passion to eathoher.

This girl was kicked out of her place of work for flirting too much. She had to move away to be closer to her new job. I don’t dislike her for that. Many of the girls I like have been ‘flirtatious girls’, those girls tend to have a lot of vibrant energy, because they are always ‘playing the game’, I don’t hate them for that. Love is unpredictable and they survive by keeping there options open. I might do the same thing if i was hot to the extent that everyone wanted me they way it seems to be with this girl. I’m just happy that i was in her life. This is a really betlufl girl, so when she told me i was her “best physical encounter” that really blew my mind. Even though she had to move away only 2 weeks after moving into my house, moving was the last thing she wanted, and i still feel really connected to her, we talk a lot by phone and text. Neither of us have cars, but that doesn’t stop the connection. Apparently she broke up with her boyfreind. She told me many times that she wanted to break up with him for various reastion, like he was a few years younger then her, long distance, still in school, and way to eager to get married after only being together a few months. I was tempted to say, “i won’t do any of those things” because i won’t, but i thought it was better just to listen and help with her conflict. Even though i had an obvious interest in there bring a ‘particular outcome’ as to the ending of her relationship, I didn’t push for that at all, it wouldn’t benefit me to be pushy anyway, i just acted exactly as a fried would act to listen to her and to help her make the right decision for herself. And as a separate subject in separate moments i let her know that i liked her. She told me i had a beautiful mind body and soul. she told me i was hot. I told her she was hot. I told her I loved her “but not in a possive way” I added. I was afraid the world “love” might be scary because it implies a ‘strong attachment’. But she said it was sweet. I still find myself being careful not to come off as too attaced. I haven’t even talked to her about the boyfriend subject in a while since she moved away 2 weeks ago, but i noticed her relationship status on Facebook vanished, and 3 days later i reappeared as “single”. I can still see him posting to her on face book. It sounds like she let him down easy. Just because she is single i’m not assuming she wants to be with me. Now there is a bit more of a distance between us. But i’m not assuming she doesn’t want to be with me either. I had a few friends tell me “they didn’t want me to get hurt” from me telling them the story. that feels way to negative. I mean, any time you open that door there is the possibility of getting hurt, intact it is almost garenttee, yet it is worth it all the same. I am used to hot girls being really complicated and hard to get with, compared to some of the suff i have delt with in the past, this girl is totally easy. Even tough our pyiscal time together was short lived, i’ve never felt so validated, the relationship with her felt so copleate. She said all kinds of things, that she liked my smile and thought it was so geniun. She even said she liked my pelvis or some shit lol. once she started saying stuff like that it became much easre to open up and feel safe saying the feelings i had to her. I always find myself holding back a bit, i like to play it cool, i don’t want to gush or dump all my feeling on her, maybe it’s just because i’ve been hurt so many times.

There was this great moment when she was standing on the other end of the living room taking a selfie, she looked damn fine, so i said as much. I was like “damn, who is the girl in that picture, she is so hot!!” the picture on the phone was just her reflection basically in the camre of course. When i said that she got this great smile then and ran over and sat next to me. then she took a picture of me. This was another way I let her know i think she is hot but did it in this humorous light hearted kind of way.

I had all kinds of deep conversations with her but most of this was after we already had sex. People say that i have great listening skills but they only come out when i’m around really hot women lol. I’m just glad to have these skills at all. They are really simple, but it took a long ass time to get it, to get how simple it really is. It’s really simple in the short term, being with people and listening to them, but in the long run, i end up soaking up quite a lot of information and i can rattle of the most relevant insight or pice of information for all kinds of situations. The old me would always try too hard in the moment then burn out after a few hours. What i am doing now, it is like a “stylistic application of nothing” compared to what i used to do. I am just enyoing myself. I try to always grow my connections with others. I joke around now and then. I don’t make constant jokes, i take breaks and try to wait for the right moment, but people say they like my humor. My jokes are always related to what is happening in the present moment.  I’m always commenting on some kind of funny situation. I feel connected to the people in my hows, i think Revanna sesensed that. so there was already a foundation for us to connect, for her to get to know me even before we stared having long conversations. I like humor, I like to take a difficult situation and put a creative spin on it, make it lighthearted, I do it because it makes me feel good, I actually do it for myself but other people like it, i like it because they like it, and they like it because i like it. Most of the deep conversations i had with Revanna weren’t till after we had sex, but they were important for furthering the relationship. She was forced to leave too soon, but it is still my most successful romantic interaction.

I think a lot of guys like me are afraid of the ‘friend zone’ this idea that if you don’t get the relationship to ‘heat up’ fast enough you will get stuck being ‘just friends’ for ever. Even the word friend starts to take a negative connotation, like it becomes senomonious with ‘not good enough’ or ‘not worth of love’ / something more. At the same time i know that becoming someones friend means you can have them around for life where if you are only romantliclly involved and not really friends, once the relationship is over that’s it. I’ve seen people who were dating stay friends for years after they broke up and possibly forever. I’ve also herd stories about people who were friends for years and years and finely at a certain point realizing that they wanted something more, even that they were perfect for each other. I think there is something essential that makes that difference. For me it is ‘party theropy’, it is being connected to the energy, harnessing the ‘good vibes’ of people and having self kindness, self love, being connected to yourself, etc. I believe if one can do this you can ‘break out’ of the friend zone, it does’t matter if you’ve been in that zone with someone for one year or 15 years, if you tap into the natural effortless ‘good vibes’ they will -feel- attracted to you to the point that they can’t help but want to be with you. it goes beyond logic. the friend zone becomes kind of like the matrix, it is possible to glitch out of the matrix, to unplugh, by harnessing the power good vibes, and learning to be a more chill confident person. I notice i still have this fear of getting stuck in a friend zone, but maybe it is something i need to get over.

 

2019 note:

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For too long people have lived out entire lifetimes repeating basic trauma patterns and not living fulfilling lives while the rich blame the poor for being ‘unmotivated’ and many people suffer, suicide become the only way out for many. Our current society is not working. I think a better world is fully possible. All it takes is awareness.

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It is Ok to be Attracted to Girls (the opposite sex)

This sounds like an obvious statement. However I used to think that it wasn’t ok to show girls you were attracted to them, not under any circumstances. I always got the feeling and the signal that they weren’t interested, and even looking at them, making eye contact could be bothersome for them. I felt the feelings were not appropriate to have at all, or even that women were ‘above’ those feelings that men had, and that I had to suppress or ignore them

However I was making a lot of false assumptions or assumptions that weren’t ‘quite true’. The assumptions came from a place of insecurity and self doubt. Low self image. There is a ‘right way’ to express those feelings, and it doesn’t even have to be that complicated. It’s just about simple stuff like saying “hello” and being around people and sending the right small yet appropriate signals. Not even to every single person, it’s ok just to say it to people you find interesting. Adding a little light hearted humor into the way you say things. And also a big one is approaching people / the opposite sex, in a way that is compassionate and helpful because frequently people are ‘dealing’ with something, and may appreciate a helping hand, literally or metaphorically, it often just means being their to listen. We think we have to use all these complex pickup-lines but often girls just want a guy who will be there to listen.

Now when I see girls I like, I am finding simple appropriate ways to let them know I like them. There is a right way and a wrong way to do this. And sometimes even if you know the right way, it might not work on certain people, like if they are too shy. Yet I’ve seen this work in all kinds of places, even at work where relationship are not allowed, I will be making tons of eye contact with cute girls/women and feeling connection and chemistry to them. It is all very ‘appropriate’. Yet keeping things appropriate allows me to feel lots of great feelings of connection or attraction without ever ‘crossing any lines.’

Even if a girl has a boyfriend she often won’t have a problem with this, because she will see you as a friend, yet the attraction will still be fully there, it is quite different from a ‘friend zone’ where she thinks you are safe or smart or reliable but feels no attraction. Just learning how to make more rhythmic eye contact and enjoy her company, focus less on your anxiety if you have that, is already a way to get out of this ‘friend zone’. I don’t agree that the friend zone is permanent, I think it can be changed in a single day if you have learned to cultivate chill and good vibes in yourself. They will always respond to the vibes and feel attracted and it isn’t about the words. Always make sure not to over-focus on her, in the moment or thought the day, cultivate good vibes through being around and enjoy the company of groups of different people, look for people you like ‘your peers’ people you think are cool, this will grow the incentive, and remind yourself ‘I deserve to be around people like this’.

Also it is very good to have many friends of the opposite sex, particular those you are attracted to, this will add to a seance of contentment so you don’t over-focus on one girl. See the beauty in many different people. As I like to say “I like all the flavors.” The blonds, red heads brunets, skinny girls, thick girls. They all have different yet special qualities. When I first began feeling attracting I would fixate on one or two girls and ignore 100 others. Now I notice just taking time to look at people more I will start to notice how attractive they are, some girls don’t stand out right away, their qualities are subtle, but when you notice them they can become very profound or even additive.

Once it took me 3 weeks to notice this girl was even attractive, but now I think she is the most cute and adorable girl I know. With some girls it is right away. Sometimes it takes me 5 seconds to notice a girl is really hot. Some qualities can be hidden at first, but when you are looking for them and know they are there you find them faster. Sure it sounds perverted in some aspects, yet by doing this I find myself noticing and feeling attracted to a broad spectrum of girls. I am seeing the unique qualities of a large group of different people. And it makes it way easier not to fixate on a specific girl.

I bumped into this pretty girl one the street who is the front desk secretary at work. I was like “hey!” I try to emote the emotion I feel in a simple way when I say hello. I don’t mean talking ‘louder’, that’s a common confusing that louder is better or more exciting. I just mean that I try to put the genuine emotion i am feeling into my voice and eyes. I notice often they will respond to that. She responded like “hey!” right back. I felt that she was fully responsive just to me showing some enthusiasm, she felt she could show it back. I haven’t had any real conversations with her before, but just giving her a “hey!” with a little energy seemed to create a connection with her the old me would have never known was possible. It was really ’emotion’ more then loudness. Just by choosing to ‘feel’ that emotion to attracted-ness or love for her, to focus on it and stir it back up in that moment as i say “hey” she can actually feel what I am feeling.

This is because emotions are chemicals in the brain and those chemicals will teleport over to her mirror neurons, just kidding, I find our current scientific view to be confining, even primitive. I like to see the emotions as energetic electric (or bioptotonic) waves or pulses generated from the heart. The chemicals and hormones are part of it, but the energetic wave part may be even more important.

Often people just ‘get louder’ to show you they are interested, this really irritates me actually, and it’s funny because when I was trying to get girls i did this all the time. It’s funny when people are like shouting in your face “hello! good morning!” And you are like “hey…” ‘back up a bit’. It’s like they are disappointed you didn’t congratulate them on their great social skills. Often these shouter type people are the ones telling me to work on my social skills. I’m like, ok, whatever you say. Often this being loud and socially forceful is what passes for ‘great social skills’ or a ‘social role-modle’ in our society, it really pisses me off. Then when people get irritated by it that type of person will be like “oh it is because they don’t have social skills. they are just ‘struggling’.”

It’s annoying that being yourself is considered ‘struggling’ to some people. Going at your own pace, taking time to yourself. Not enjoying people who are forceful hyper or condescending. I’ve seen this with lots of people and not just me. If you socialize in a different way that doesn’t mean you need to read 10 self improvement books and go to reigrious yoga classes every day, you don’t need a big depressing intervention and social shaming for your ‘problem’. Maybe the way you socialize is right for you. People will always say heavy/serious and confusing things about how you need to ‘improve’ yourself. It’s a mindfuck and i’ve been so much better off ever since i just stared turning in out. I’m not ‘hiding’ or running from the truth. I just finally after many years realized that all that self improvement stuff wasn’t working for me, a lot of it is bullshit. I was running in circles all my life. Finally i realized that the common wisdom of ‘trying hard and harder’ just didn’t make sense. I socialize in my own different way, and i am way happier then i have ever been, I hang around more but i have my own totally unique methods. I just enjoy myself mostly. I see myself as worthy. Girls dig me now.

It is funny there are a bunch of people who tell me about how I am “struggling.” Because i have my own way of doing this. I’m like “I am actually a lot better then I have ever been.” The old me never got girls. But he was academically and athletically a success. I could get A’s and B’s. I could run 5 or even 10 miles a few times each week. I did martial arts. I meditated a lot. I had discipline. I was a success in many ways, but my heart was overcome by a deep emptiness. Things like love and creativity, the things that really mattered to my heart, they eluded me, i was always ‘blocked’ creatively and socially. I’m so much more satisfied now. Yet people are always looking to improve something, even now.

People are always looking to improve or tell others how to improve, but it actually becomes a deceptive pursuit. I’m like “Actually I am pretty content, I think I turned out really well.” I’ve been through some difficult situations but I have skills to handle it well, I really beat the odds. People with higher authority roles over me tell me I need to learn to love myself, that I’m not motivated, that I expect something for nothing, that I am biased by privilege, that I need to improve my social skills, they say all kinds of funny things when I don’t just ‘do what they say’ it’s a way of controlling you. It’s not real. People live there lives conforming to patterns that don’t really benefit anyone, and it is scary when you question those patterns. Because it means that they really have been hurting themselves and others all this time.

There are actually lots of beautiful girls at my work. Guess I lucked out… though I’m not allowed to have relationships with them, that’s the catch, yet I feel great being around them and I develop friendships with them. The old me would have focused on one of them and been sad that it never amounted to anything more. Now I focus on a who range of people and or girls, but I work on my friend connections with all of them. It’s not really a ‘friend zone’ because I feel chemistry with them, some more then others, it feels like good practice for the real thing. It is good experience and it also makes me seem popular or desirable. Maybe that sounds superficial but it helps when a girl comes along who actually is available. This really amazing hot girl came into my life recently and I will wright about that more in another post.

 

 

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9 Varieties of Play

The 9 play varieties are: move, music, chat, feel, art, imagine, touch, random, suspense. Rather these are the fun ‘nicknames’ I have given them. We will explore all of the categories of play in depth and how they relate to each other. You can categorize play types in many ways, I chose this way to show how different play types relate and intersect. Play types are all different patterns of energy as perceived through different senses.

Each play variety has ‘flavors’ within that type. like red, blue, green, or fast, slow, jittery, or happy, sad, reminiscent. Normally I don’t think about play varieties while I am playing, I don’t categorize them, yet it can help to be aware of it before hand, like you have to plan or set up an environment where play can happen, you plan to not plan, that’s the sort of paradox or zen of it. it’s about taking it in, and then trusting your subconscious to do it all without having to think about it.

9 Varieties of PlayThese categories are just base categories, like primary colors, there are countless secondary categories or even new categories you can create by combining and modifying the different play types. I’ve included many subcategories of play also. I numbered the play varieties to give them emphasis, but they have no order.

Attributes of Play

Before we start, these are some characteristics of play itself that apply to all types of play.

Play is an activity done primarily for enjoyment, yet can have huge productive and creative benefits. It’s about doing what contributes to our personal feeling of enjoyment much more then it is about impressing others with the most clever joke. And allowing the subtle energy of my enjoyment to become a force that benefits others too.

Play often involves something new, or something you haven’t done for a period of time. Play involves variety, more then repetition. Or even a new twist on something done before.

Play can be random. It needs no linear order or logic. Play usually involves a degree of randomness, choosing between equally appealing options for the sake of creative freedom and being unique. The freedom to be random is a big one we often lose sight of, allowing ourselves to be random liberates us, frees our natural need for movement in this moment we can’t take time to calculate or predict.

Play has a harmony or rhythm. It has many different ‘notes’ or actions, yet occasionally they will repeat, or return to a theme, to familiar ‘notes’ to from a ‘harmony’. a sense of familiarity. This is because play is constructive, not pure destructive chaos, it has an organic order or resonance.

Play involves two or more people or objects interacting. Person with person, person with object, person with person with object, etc.

Play is collaborate and constructive more then it is competitive or destructive.

Play builds into an energetic flow, play produces energy, and the benefit of this flow increase the longer it continues without interruption.

People and objects in our universe that do not play or move for too long will lose energy.

9 Varieties of Play

1) Move

dance

walking

running

travling

slipping

sliding

jumping

skip

frolic

stretch

bend

2) Music, 

a sequence of sounds that repeat and vairry to from a melodic harmony, going all the way from the particle level, to creating waves of energy large enough to be heard by our ears and felt by multiple senses.

3) Chat, 

language

communication

code

representation

symbols

geometry

sequence

imagination

think

ponder

‘chat’ is the cutesie nickname i give it, but the meaning of this type of play is language and music. the word ‘chat’ implies a relaxed conversation. puzzles and games are similar in that they involve many combinations, like a code that can be put together in many ways, symbols that represent physical things and abstract concepts, the gateway to imagination.

Puzzle.

games, card games, video games. using constraints can actually add to the freedom of the play experience in a paradoxical way. like creating ‘suspense’ makes the reward better often. games are a mixture of what i call puzzle, compete, and suspense play. there is some kind of specific objective and props involve that take it different places, produces a different experience then a conversation might go where the only limit is imagination. the quality of having different types of constrains, different rules, and different objectives is what makes each game fun and interesting.

Letting Loose

Much of our human lives are already constrained with limits like gravity, or mortality, needing to eat sleep and work, so often we just want more time to let loose without rules, so that is why we have the other forms of play.

Imagine, to simulate reality or fantasy possibilities inside ones mind, believe it or not i find the mind can simulate and stimulate all these senses from inside itself, meaning, when the heart has absorbed enough energy, the mind can be like a virtual reality machine, creating experiences that feel almost repeal inside itself, like a dream, but with practice you can control your dreams, or even create something similar while you are awake. the power of imagination is a great tool for simulating reality, and it also has the power to imagine beyond reality, to explore things that ‘could be’ gaining types of freedom you body may not have.

Work Play/ Purpose Play, the play of making chores, the work you have to do (to keep society running) into fun, so you can enjoy them more and get through them easer, with energy to spare so you can enjoy the play of your choice afterward. in addition it’s always good to question which work you really do need to keep society running, and what is just ‘collective unconscious’ patterns of ‘false knowledge’ humans repeat in fear of not knowing what to do with their free time. this is a huge topic i will talk more about later. most ideally you can turn your work into your passion / vise versa, so the activities you love most are the activities that most benefit the world, that way you become like perpetual motion, creating and innovating in the world actually gives you energy, so you keep creating more and don’t run out (until your like 100 years old lol)

4) Take In, 

feel, witness

feelings sensations and energy inside the body usually sparked by an outside person place thing, or a thought or another feeling inside the body itself. also sparked by visuals, sounds, smells, etc.

internal

receiving

taste

smell

visual

enjoying all the types of energies and sensations that happen inside your body while you play, often prompted by inspiration / sensation from the outside world, or also can be purely internal at times (like when you dream or close your eyes and ponder/feel)

this is the play of witnessing something, an event, a person, a thing, a place, a flower, a tree, the natural beauty of life and the world.. too often witnessing is seen as purely passive or uninvolved, witnessing is not given credit for the amount of activity that happens inside the body as we witness something that touches us emotionally. witnessing if a fundamental and underrated play type, that allows us to relax and receive energy for a change in a world that gets stuck in the mode of producing and giving, to point of self sacrifice. in witnessing or ‘take in’ play we receive and nourish the energies and needs of the body. take in play happens in conjunction with all the other types of play, we play with our bodies, interacting with the external world, and we feel something inside our bodies as we do this. and both the external and internal energetic reactions flow in and out together in a harmony, it is important that both happen together or felt in back and froth. often we get too focused on one or the other, just navel gazing internal reflection, or external people pleasing with a loss of our own emotions and relaxed self. we need to find the rhythm of both.

take in play is important, a huge category that is often overlooked, because it happens inside the body on an energetic level where our eyes can’t see it, it is primarily felt. and it is not selfish, it is essential in listening to people, fully ‘taking in’ what they are saying, and in our own well being. as they say ‘love yourself to love others’. this helps give a bit more description about the meaning of that phrase. play for me shows me ‘how’ to love myself. as well as receiving light energy, like sunlight, and biophotons, or residual human energy.

5) Random Play: so often play has totally random origin, and this is essential. we wait, hours days and life times we wait, just for someone to tell us what to do. why won’t my dreams come true yet? maybe in 5 more years that girl will go out with me. no. it will never happen. the big secret is you don’t have to wait a single moment. when you use the right portion of randomness to grow your play, you can create fun right out of thin air. the fabric of our universe, at the base level everything is quantum foam, a random dance of wild vibrating particles. i like the phrase ‘wild compassion’ because i see living beings as being part ‘wild’ part ‘compassion’. half animal, half angel. the ‘wild’ is the martial side. life is a constant flood of random material information, chaos. yet all these random disorganized things in life can be converted into vital meaningful energy as though with the snap of your fingers. you just have to see it as -play-. it rains, i can tell a story about something good that happened to me in the rain. i see a picture on the wall, it reminds me of a weird girl i half dated, that improves my mood. better play is often intentional, basket balls that are carefully crafted to be basket balls for just the right bounce and light weight touch for the game. but as you play basket ball, all the random factors, the force of the wind, the sunlight, effect the ball, effect your mood, it’s random, but it is also meaningful, because no 2 games are the same, each day is full of subtly different factors, putting you in a position that you have to adapt each day, for a different experience of the game of life. instead of seeing random events as a hindrance, i see it as something that will give a new twist to my day or week, make it unlike any other. that that variety fuels my energy in the long run. without all that random different stuff going on in the universe, the day gets boring, and we all actually lose energy! sometimes all you have to do is control things less, and fun just starts appearing out of no where! it wants to happen. it can be scary at first not to plan everything, but when you learn to go with the fun opportunities that appear, you see that they have a rhythm, and unseen yet real energy field, a safety net that holds you in them, in the experience of play and the magnetic joining of people. when you can’t think of anything to say, but it feels like silence isn’t right either, you go with random. we think random is meaningless. yet it is actually -essential-, is what so many people never get. randomness is the makeup of the universe, and randomness is great fun! when there is a moment that feels missing something, whenever there is, I go with something random, it comes from somewhere, maybe something reminded me of it, maybe it was something we were talking about an hour ago, a day ago, maybe it’s something cool I was waiting for a good time to mention, it can get more basic, random colors, random feelings, focusing on something fresh in your mind feels good, it’s whatever pops into my mind, something around me probably made me think of it, but it’s not important that I know that, now that I have it, I feel a little better, and I turn it into part of the conversation, something slightly related to previous topics, or a totally new topic, (remember the alternative is not thinking of anything to say at all when you may really want to) it doesn’t have to be something all that smart, often the best roots of creativity and connection between people are simple, basic, a simple feeling, being captivated by a color, a sound, a few notes of music, something pleasant. energy is simple, but our eyes can’t see wave energy, so we always overlook it! we need it. now that you have this new random thing in your mind, see if you can speak it some how.

Variety: all the forms of play are all about variety, the play of switching between different flavors, colors, etc, and the play of switching between different types of play.

Layered play: the play of combining and recombining different types of play.

the most sophisticated multilayered kind of play. this play is about the many layers.this is the play of evolved minds, the play of humans. the play of many layers.

Surprise: play is all about something new, something different something fresh. the play of the unexpected. just by enjoying one thing, it means you are not doing something else, and thus you are creating distance and time for that other thing to feel new and different again. while you are at the mall.. you are enjoying yourself there, and forgetting the sensations of being on the beach.. so when you finally get back to the beach, it really feels like a fresh and different experience, because you are not their every hour or every day. knowing this helps because i know if i get board of a particular activity, all i have to do is leave it for a few hours, a few days, do something else, and when i come back, that activity I love will be fun again, i will have fresh reined love for it. too often we live life in a melancholy wondering why things that used to make us happy don’t any more. It’s because we find one thing we love, and then we sap the ‘play value’ out of it by doing it too long. we don’t alternate our activities enough for the sake of enjoyment. we get addicted to the specific ’material’ of something, because we don’t understand the varieties of play, and how to use the act of play to create energy from ourselves and all things. take note of the thing you love, then find something different, then come back to the first thing, then try the first think in different ways. always recombining different things and ways of playing in different ways.

6) Art,

see,

aesthetic

location of things, color, often visual, contrast, variety, balance, the aesthetically pleasing and organize location of objects and furniture in space helps the flow of energy. just as a beautiful painting that conveys emotion is more pleasing and uplifting then a splotch of mud. Even art that appears random often has an emotion it conveys, stimulating the play and sensory feeling circuits inside the body of those who witness the art. art is a visual language, and a language of physical objects and gestures, which our eyes can see. while music is a language of sound, unseen to the eye, yet just as powerful. looking at a painting, taking in the beautifully of a landscape, this is the play of ‘art’. It’s important to set up your house to have an aesthetic just as you would paint a painting, or write a article in a way that catches the readers interests.

Object Play: playing with things, objects, toys, props, dolls, play weapons. play objects also become a focal point for attention and energy and play possibilities even before or weather or not you pick them up. play usually tends to involve and interaction with an object of some kind, or the environment, so this is an attribute that applies to most varieties of play, that play involves objects, play is an interacting between things and people, or people and people.

7) grow/Empower, Suspense

spending, healing, the play of changing the world. bringing cultural change to large places.

possibly a sub category of ‘move’ because it relates to distance. suspense details with much longer distances that move.

all play emerges from a dormant or suspended state, released from the fabric of the universe that binds it.

manifesting empowerment in people can be seen as the act of sharing skills that release ‘suspense’ or tension.

we are all born into some degree of suspension or tension and fulfillment in life is learning the ways to release that tension. however counterintuitively the tension itself is what created the joy of release.. while often their is an imbalance or surpluss of tension in our world, there are times when we do want to crease suspense, like the suspense of the journey that builds to a desertion, the suspense in a game, a mystery, a good tv show. simply creating suspesen or delay adds to the reward or unveiling later on. it creates depth and dimension. this is the mysterious play, the spiritual experience, the rewarding feeling at the end of a long long journey you didn’t think you could survive. the play we don’t see, the illusive, the chills of transformation experience, touching the divine. it is the play of shadows, of challenge, pushing the limits. empowerment is the opposite or the release of suspense, yet the two may actually create eachtoehr if you look beyond the universe itself. a person wise beyond this world might say taking a wound, is, being empowered.

our universe is not a ’neutral zone’ and can be considered a giant dome of ‘suspense play’. everything is a challenge that tests our limits. a quest for survival and to discover the mysteries of life. we are so used to this subtle challenge that pulls on us that we don’t realize it is there. very real challenges pull on us every day. calling it ‘suspense play’ is a kind way of putting it. there may be other universe where this isn’t so. you could say we are suspended beneath a heavy piece of anti-matter. our universe is a suspense dome that spans 46.5 billion light-years at least, it appears infinite, yet our universe is a place defined more by it’s constraints then it’s freedoms. so i pose that it is not infinite, but simply extremely large. it is possible to stretch the fabric of our dome universe, so this constraint may lose its meaning.

8) Compete,

the thrill of testing your skills against another, not a way of life, but fun now and then. too often this is the only type of play we know as adults. it is more of a subset then a primary way of play.

9) Touch,

gripping

grabbing

texture

contact

colliding

spongy

hard

smooth

soft

most and many activities usually combine a few or many different types of play at once, for example:

move + art + suspense = adventure

the physicality of moving your body, the suspense of the long journey, the distance traveled, and the art, the beauty of the visual landscape, your reward, combine to create the experience we all know as ‘adventure’ a composite of many types of play. you can also include the internal ‘take in’ body sensations, the feeling of aliveness, but ‘take in’ these internal feelings happen in combination will all types of play, so are not unique to adventure.

play is usually between people, but can happen individually. when people gather play and energy possibilities multiply in a major way. but alone time does have it’s place and importance too.

the 9 varieties of play can each be experience in a few different modes between people. two people can be side by side in parallel play for example each doing their own kind of play, separate, yet in the same space, and their is a benefit to this. i think play is best as something we share, or at least do together. yet at times it benefits us to find the play that is most true to us if that means playing alone at times or around people yet not with people at times. don’t feel you have to be so glued to others that you lose yourself.

Drain & Stress Culture

 

Socially disconnected stress patterns, or trauma, are passed down through the generations. These traumas arise not exclusively from physical actions. Often these feelings of disconnect and resulting stress patterns can come from a general absence in the community. Something that didn’t happen. Stress patterns or habits have the guise of accomplishing something, making us better, when they actually keep us in disconnect, taking us away from our social and playful nature. These patterns involve a basic assumption of being ‘not already deserving’ of relationship. This assumption happens on an instinctive level for the human, it is all that is ever known, it is difficult to imagine a different way it could be. The water in which we swim.

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A few people don’t know they ‘belong’ and it spreads. Fear associations with people in the mind. The problem is in the mind, the solution is in the heart. These insecurities or traumas of absence take root in the foundation of entire civilizations. We think we need status or power to be attractive to or loved by others. Insecurity is everywhere so no one thinks to question it; like the water in which we swim. We never notice our own basic worth. The social value that we already have, simply by existing. This sea of biolight is everywhere, I can be connected the moment I walk into a space. More people means more potential biolight. More relaxed eye contact and play, means more biolight that circulates.

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In the West we prioritize academics and intellectual intelligence – ‘processing speed.’ We value the intellect, the mind, first. Instead of emotionally relating to each other, we end up treating ourselves and others like objects; problems to be fixed, successes to be accomplished, a competition to be won; instead of energetic creatures that need safety connection and play. We relate through our minds, the intellect is first. We accomplish things with will power and mental focus instead of allowing and receiving naturally occurring feelings of love or passion. The heart becomes secondary. There is no space or awareness to feel emotion in relation to each other, to know we are already deserving of this bond.

Education in our society is a product of the Industrial Age. We are ‘productivity’ focused. Producing honor students, that make it to the Ivy League, that run competitive business. Yet when some are the best, it implies others are the worst. We strive to achieve great success, because deep down we feel that we don’t ‘already matter.’ The focus on competition, achievement, intellect, could be seen as a type of nation wide insecurity, a social fear spanning across a nation, and beyond. We prioritize intelligence, status, and economic success as a culture to  socially validate ourselves. “What are you studying?” “Where do you work?” We ask these questions the moment someone walks in. We simply don’t know what else to talk about. As a culture we feel the need to compete and be the best. To validate ourselves. We want that feeling of recognition. It’s not wrong to want to feel good, to feel love. However going after it this way, it is always somehow beyond reach.  Some are able to thrive within this system, many are not. Yet even those who are beautiful, intelligent, successful, who achieve every standard, deep down they still feel confusion, insecurity. They are loved, they are famous, yet the attention they get feels like it comes for the wrong reasons. One finds popularity, fame, yet they don’t feel loved for who they already are. The fame actually becomes a burden. It feels like an act, that will at some point fall apart. Others get the money, the success, yet it doesn’t complete them, something is always missing.

Many of our struggles come from an over focus on the mind, and our solutions involve a focus on the mind. Instead of paying attention to the (energetic) needs of the heart, we as a culture focus on career achievement.  School, the therapeutic process, a business, and more, often become ways of a qualified person teaching a student specific skills which focus inwards on individual success. …When in fact I believe seeking out playful, creative relationship itself is the healing medicine that is needed and largely missing. We relate through knowledge and skills, that our in fact ways of socially qualifying, validating ourselves. We don’t value the relationship itself.  We only make eye contact when we have important words or clever statements. We do this because we don’t feel that we already matter in relation to each other.   Relationship is scary; it’s dynamic, not as solid and straight forward as a simple conversation tactic, multiple choice problem, or breathing exercise; yet relationship is the essential piece to well being.

Everything in Western culture encourages sitting still for long periods of time, schools, work, even movie theaters, restaurants. It is possible this prolonged culturally ingrained stillness creates an energetic drain on the body, (adding to the drain that is already there from social disconnect.) We value ourselves as separate individuals, the inward antisocial focus adds to the state of drain. Moving feels exhausting. Yet in truth not moving may be even more exhausting. We are creatures of movement. With prolonged stillness the body falls into an energetic depression, a slump. One can no longer identify that movement feels good. As creatures of play and movement, many times moving is less exhausting than staying still. I believe we should get in touch with the bodies natural playful movement in our life; Not running miles to be ‘productive,’ but simply expressing a little regular movement. Noticing that it feels good.

The productivity achievement focus in our culture drains the love that circulates in the community. There isn’t enough love energy (biolight, life force) going around to raise most people to a place of feeling naturally –secure-. When ‘anxious attachment’ (people who don’t feel deserving or safe in relationship) pervades in the community this gives rise to avoidant people. Being cut off from the current of social energy, these avoidant people live in a state of constant drain or low body energy. They receive no energy from the community (if you can call it a community.) They’ve never experienced a feeling of sustained safety and play in relation to people.

All too often these ‘no belonging’ people will develop all kinds of troubles and be identified as having a ‘brain disorder,’ when in many cases the underlying problem may be something much more basic. Many of what we call ‘brain disorders’ may be rooted in a basic social energetic absence. This is a quality of the heart and not a problem of the mechanics of the brain. A matter of not feeling safe or socially deserving, effecting the entire nervous system, creating a state of disconnect and drain.

The social confidence that does happen in our society is almost like a ‘happy accident.’ Love and play want to happen, but it’s almost by accident that stress patterns in some communities end up not being as bad, that love and play can naturally occur. Many people are aware of the importance of safety and play on an instinctive – emotional level, but not on a conscious level. These semi-secure people have confidence in relation to each other, in relation to other semi-secure people; yet their security falls apart in relation to an insecure person, or an insecure collective; (from anything to an extreme introvert, a bully, or even a business.) This conditional security many have is not a true recognition of basic human goodness, otherwise it would be powerful in and of itself and would spread and heal insecure people.

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It doesn’t have to take decades of self-discovery to become radiant. Some children and young people acquire qualities of confidence, charisma, and radiance immediately just based on their family, community, and environment; how happy and warm his or her community was.  We must learn to feel safe and light hearted in the gaze of others. To make eye contact without having to ‘earn it,’ because it benefits us and others, while at the same time listening to the needs of our hearts. With the right approach trauma or stress patterns / habits, and life long personal and relationship conflicts, can be healed fairly quickly. A life changing experience of play and safety can be created. We must give the heart what it needs. Fritz-Albert Popp’s Biophotonics, Stephen Porges’s Polyvagal theory, Diane Pool Heller’s Attachment Theory, and Heart Math research, and my own experience, are all beginning to show this. Leading to an energetic heart based understanding of the human body. (from Naturally Social)