3 strange nightmares

I had some really strange nightmares the other night. There were 3 different ones.

 

the Entrepreneur

I was in the bathroom of my childhood home.. My friends tried to get my attention.. it was really distracting .. I was mad they interrupted me and didn’t speak to them for a long time.   A few days after that event I met this entrepreneur guy.. he was helping me do all these crazy bold things in the world to get more successful.. I was amazed by it all. Only after a while I realized I couldn’t tell if he put any value on things like “feelings” or “vibes” or friendship or me as a person .. We were water-skiing down this wild river then we both hit rocks and got injured. It’s possible that his injuries were worse then mine.. (which could imply that part of me had to die for the other part to move on.. i was injured because i got pulled in with him and his reckless ideas) And all the contacts were deleted off my phone.

 

the Advertisement

In the second dream i was watching this add on TV in one of my groups here at this kids camp I work at that is also a work training program among other things.

The add on TV was for a brand of matches. I saw two different matches being compared. And this guy was explaining how effective they were. The ad said something like “this is Tony.. he died of cancer.. but this is how he wants to be remembered.” And then the guy Tony, an older experienced kind of tough looking guy with silver hair (hard to explain, he had a distinct look, he had a kind of style or charisma about him), He lights a match .. he gets into the tent and the whole tent goes on fire. and tony says “these matches are reliable. for people who want to go with dignity.” then we went around the group and this guy here who’s name is “star” asked how we felt about the add. This is really funny if you think about it when you consider the place i work at and how “happy go lucky” it usually is. and this guy named Star. they were never be showing an ad like this. It is probably illegal to have an ad promoting suicide .. I’ve never even thought about that, but I’m sure it is. We go around the room and people are like “it is interesting” or “good” or “I think the matches were marketable”. No one was saying the obvious so i was like … “well it is very… controversial. Are they allowed to have adds like that on TV”. While i said this i was drinking a cherry vanilla flavored soda.. and i felt that the soda helped me to better articulate my thoughts about what was on the TV.

(It’s strange to think about death.. being something like a “TV” advertisement)

It’s interesting about the soda.. because recently is has been hard to go out and buy things i enjoy.. I also can’t “stock up” on things because i don’t make a lot of money.. having less to snack on makes it harder for me to find a “positive distraction” from dark unresolved contemplations or events in my present and past that come up now and then. So it feels like I can’t “see things clearly” because there isn’t enough “substantial” positive ‘stuff’ in life. Just me in a room killing time until i can go shopping again. We are all afraid to leave because of the current virus pandemic. In the dream it felt important to talk about this TV advertisement, and have an honest open discussion about it.. but many people in the room weren’t paying attention.. yet a sip of that ‘natural sugar’ soda i buy at “whole foods” seemed to clear my mind for long enough to think. It felt important that i contemplated this… yet not be consumed by it.

 

the Hackers Identity

The last dream was even more crazy.. In the dream there was this important “hacker” or criminal ‘revolutionary’ person.. he had called a meeting to his most trusted inner circle.. in the meeting he would finally reveal his true identity, which was known to no one. … people had all arrived … they waited around for an hour … then found out they all were going to be killed!   It turned out the hacker didn’t trust anyone and this had been a test.. because those he really trusted were supposed to know that he would never reveal his identity.

there were two girls and i saw it from there point of view.. one knew not to attend the meeting.. and the other did attend .. but only because she was zoning out a little and she had felt suspicious about the meeting.. and now she was mad that she was going to be killed over this.. and she said something like “you have no idea who i am” there was something the hacker didn’t know about her identity and now she was going to try and defeat him.

 

The second two dreams feel dark and I’m not sure what to do about them. But believe it or not the first dream actually gives me hope because it implies that i have put faith in the “wrong people”. Because that implies there is something i could change to impove the situation. In the dream.. I was mad at my friend over something that was really just temporary. They were trying to get a hold of me at a bad time.. but maybe i could forgive them. And it’s interesting that in the second part of that first dream the entrepreneur had me doing something that lead ‘specially’ to all the contacts being lost from my phone… aka my friends. Actually the previous day, in reality i had been getting the phone numbers of new friends, but they may have just been ‘work relationships’ and not true friends so it was not a true victory. The dream it implied i had deleted my old friends or my contact with them, which was accurate.

The third dream is a very interesting kind of metaphor for something that happen a few years ago in my life. This time where i felt unsure about my “identity” in life.. and I was hit with a difficult situation where i felt that i didn’t make the right choice because i was distracted.. not totally centered in myself.. so i caved into the pressure of others just to appease them and make the additional the stress they were creating go away.

….The two girls in the dream where in contact with each other by cell phone.. but they had each made different choices. One attended the meeting but felt suspicious about it. the other made the right choice to simply not attend, but she was more of a ‘background’ character. It reminds me of myself… ‘I’ was much like the girl who ‘had’ attended the meeting.. and the other girl was the me I ‘could have’ been… who made the right choice not to get ‘suckered in’ by some kind of group pressure.

I knew i was capable of making the right choice.. even back then.. but this confusion about my “identity” in the world.. had caused me to do all kinds of reckless things back then… and i never realized i might later regret those things. Back then life was all about how “fearless” i could be, to help me get in touch with my true self. That seemed to effect how i made choices. I didn’t make choices thinking about my “physical health” in great detail. I was “spiritual” i had “transcend” the physical… back then. I ended up getting this major dental operation that i knew i didn’t need just so my family would stop worrying about it, to prove to them that i was afraid of nothing. I didn’t do it for myself. And that was hard to accept. Looking back it seemed so random and not helpful to my quest.

The thing about the last dream is that the “hacker” reminds me about how i feel about “God”…. Like if i switch the word “hacker” with God… “God” was going to reveal his “identity”…. if i went face to face with this scary thing… the dental operation my family was pressuring me into… If i got past this … i would once again have time to finish my spiritual quest.. with the distractions of a worrying mother. And maybe facing this fear would even help me. The world would see that I was afraid of nothing. I would then be put in touch with my “destiny” aka the hacker from the dream, what you might even call God… yet it was only to find out that i had been suckered in… to some scheme that had nothing to do with anything.

Now i had this major operation done that added nothing to my life.. that i would always regret… and the best parts of me would be found only after learning to let go of the feeling that created in me… Like the hacker.. God reveals his identity to no one… This all happened at a time when i had been unsure about my “identity” yet my identity had never been lost. I was struggling with external challenges.. and my identity got confused in them.

There are two important people in the dream. the hacker.. and the girl. the girl says “you have no idea who i am”. because she is angry. yet this is also a statement about identity. they got into a trap because they desired to know the identity of the famous hacker.. to have this honor of becoming closer to the enigma of his success. but maybe this isn’t the end of the girls story. towards the end of the dream the girl began shape shifting into other people. Maybe she is limiting herself by trying to be a “hacker”. Maybe she is something else entirely.

 

Awakening the Innate Intelligence

Play is flowing with each enjoyment of life, then letting go of each joy and worry, to move on to the next positive playful focus. Finding that letting go into the flow of each cosmic event, actually strengthens our memory, our ability to recall that facts we need exactly when we need them with mere detail, more creative spin and new synaptic connections. Allowing some details to go forgotten, trusting our body is already doing all it needs to do to be all we need to be, this act of forgetting, letting go, actually strengths our ability to instantly & clearly recall the things that matter. By focusing on the fun more of the time, the ‘innate intelligence’ emerges on its own, it will be there, on it’s own. Because too often our society does not allow this ‘already present’ intelligence the time it needs to emerge and blossom on its own. Play is the fuel for the mind. Positive relaxing stimulating environment supports neuron generation. Play and relax at your own pace around others. Play and relaxing are both seen as leisure activities, as unproductive in our society, this is why we alloys feel so stiff and dry and lonely. Doing something simple like playing and relaxing around others actually takes a kind of activism, to stand up to the rules that don’t make sense, or at lest meet the needs of your heart, do what you want and need, what makes you feel right, even when others seem to constantly tell you not to.

Rejection?

What is rejection?

I remember times going to bars, and finally getting the courage to walk right up to girls that were on the dance floor, asking them “do you want to dance?” one just said to me straight up “No.” and grinned like it gave her a fucking thrill to reject me. Another girl was sitting down and seemed available to talk to, but when i asked her she said “i have a boyfriend” right off the bat. not even time to just talk, she had to end it cold and quick, even though she was sitting there alone, in one of the main places where people come to meet people. This will happen a lot, the real realization it just when it doesn’t get to you any more. rejection is not a reason to stop trying. on two separate occasions i just walked up and sat next to a girl (i had never seen before) in a mall dining court, and she looked at me like i was a total weirdo. but I’ve done this at malls or parks maybe ~100 times~ in the last 5 years (and you could do much more), and more often there is a conversion, something good happens, maybe i get a phone humor. That’s why the most important thing is when that 1 out of 10 girl says “No” like you are the biggest loser on the planet, not to let it get to you! I lived so much of my life in fear of rejection, really just assuming i was already rejected. in a way you could say i had already ‘rejected myself’. I was pre-rejected to save girls the time and effort of rejecting me. sort of like the opposite of Mysteries ‘pre-selected’ lol. Now i see so much of it was my mind frame, and when it went on long enough, i finally just decided to commit to going out and walking up to people, and that made me realize i could change my attired, and assume ‘by default’ that people and girls do like me, and want to talk to me. I say ‘attitude’ because the term ‘mind-frame’ focuses on the mind, where ‘attitude’ is like a feeling you cultivate and chose to focus on. Our culture are lady puts a lot of weight on the ‘mind’ and this was part of the problem for me. People are attracted to the energy, the feeling, first and fore most, so i put my energetic well-being first.

One time i was at a dance club, asking a girl, who was with a few friends, if she / they wanted to dance, and i was getting better, this time i was already dancing as i said it. …i was getting mixed positive and negative signals from them. finally this 4th onlooking girl, must have decided i was being too loud, and she walked over, grabbed my arm firmly, and walked me out of the club. That was a pretty harsh blow for one of my earlier and more courageous attempts to meet a woman in a new place. Yet some how i saw it as progress, because it was something that had never happened before, i was pretty determined now so i could see past the rejection, that there was a lot more to learn and adjust.

Sometimes a rejection cuts to your core and makes you feel sad, and it’s not even something you can ‘choose’ not to feel. You just have to embrace it, and let it slid off you. But the bigger point is that i lived in fear or what is really just a moment, and happens less often then not. And i was perceiving a lot of rejection that -wasn’t actually there-. Often people are a bit exhausted or tired from their jobs or general boredom with life, and i would see this ‘low energy’ of the other person, as a personal rejection of me. it sort of mirrors, and they also see my low energy, or state of ‘backing off’ as a rejection of them. Now i see it for what it is, not as a judgment of me in any way, but that people can often be a bit ‘drained’ and that that is the best place to meet them, i don’t have to ‘act super happy’ i can instead sort of ‘tune in’ to that ‘chill’ frequency, because i know ‘mellow energy’ is not in any way equal to rejection, it’s closer to ~relaxation~. Sometimes you are so excited to talk to someone attractive that you start acting super happy and jumpy, but often they my prefer more of a ‘chill vibe’, because maybe they are pelted by lots of guys already, or especially if they have had a hard day. Even if they are pelted by lots of guys they had to reject, they still ‘have room for desert’ so to speak, as in they’re still hoping one person they are comfortable with does come along. even one guy who is on that right balanced vibe of calm and playful can turn an exhausting day into a good day. Once i watched an actress talk to one hundred guys she was signing autographs for, she looked exhausted, and i almost walked out of the line thinking, ‘she probably doesn’t want to talk to yet another guy’, but then i had this thought, i’m just going to be there to send her good vibes and help her relax / cheer up. I took over the talking so she didn’t have to keep repeating her same old speal, and i actually felt like i saw something change in her. Like she lit up and relaxed.

You will get a lot of these ‘micro expressions’ that look like rejections, drop outs of energy, or negative thoughts about you, but they OFTEN do NOT have anything to do with you, nothing to do with something you ‘did’ or ‘did not’ do; the real truth is these subtle drop outs in the ‘vibe’ are very normal, these little drop outs of energy may actually be ~necessarily~.. because they are caused by just when someone is thinking too hard, or remembered they left their wallet in an open location and felt afraid, the brain sucks up actual energy in the body, it can cause the eyes to go dull for a moment, and -look- like rejection, but it is actually just the energy being taken by the brain, very deceiving if you don’t understand it, or are falsely expecting to be rejected. It took me like a decade or two to figure this out! To notice i was misreading it. And it’s not ~complicated~, it’s just having a bad social self image caused me to see things differently.

When there is a subtle energetic break like this, you can just alter your rhythm, or continue the conversion, if you take it as rejection, then it becomes rejection, it makes you look fearful and insecure. Most often it is not rejection, it’s more like human imperfection, it only becomes rejection if like 30 seconds pass and it seems more obvious they are trying to pull their ~entire body~ away. But i lived a lot of my life seeing these really subtle expressions as rejection, when they are not! they are in no way rejection! Now i don’t see these micro moments as rejection, so i don’t feel the need to over compensate, and ‘act happier’, i can just allow a pause, or calmly continue the conversation. It’s not the worst thing in the world if you accidentally ‘over talk someone’ and miss that they are -actually- trying to leave, i feel like there is a tendency in our culture to be ‘in a hurry to go nowhere’, so it may not be the worst reason to delay, these skills of meeting people are ultimately the most important thing anyone can really do weather or not they know it.

Another important point to further it this home, is that the universe isn’t quite ‘as it appears’ i find everything has a sort of ‘time delay’ to it. For example if i decide ‘today i will have a confident self loving attitude’ it will take like 3 hours of me doing that before other people start to notice ‘wow there is something confident and cool about that guy’. there is always a sort of build up, a cultivation, to everything you do. It takes time for energy to travel through space, almost like sound echoing through a sea. Space is sort of fluid, and a lot of time has to be spent just being near people, before real energy and clear communication can be transmitted.

Just being near people, after this ‘delay’ passes as you talk or ‘just be’, giving it time, both (or all) people will feel the exchange of energy in your heart(s). It’s closer to ‘cultivating’, then boring ‘waiting’, hey that rhymes. Don’t ‘wait’, cultivate! It’s like ‘how’ you ‘cultivate’ that matters, how you feel, focusing on the good things. Also ‘where’ you are as you ‘cultivate’ matters a lot. Even when i meditate, i prefer to do it outside and near people, because there is more energy circulating out there. Now my mediation is more of a cultivation, cultivation of energy, calm fun and positive emotion, in the heart itself. Energy makes a huge difference in attracting people. And it starts with loving yourself, and loving yourself -while- being near people. Anything fun or positive can be a means to cultivating energy. I don’t me hyper enthusiasm that you ‘force out’ to get people to like you. This is more of a deep inner body energy, that you ‘breath in’ like air, you continuously take into your body from environmental stimulation, and then circulate / generate in your body, almost like perpetual motion.

A lot of stuff is being delayed, but these ‘delays’ are NOT rejections. When u see they are just ‘delays’ a whole new world of (🎵A WHOLE NEW WORLD🎵sorry) a whole new world of energy possibilities opens up. You are exactly the deep interesting chill vibe person she or he wants to talk to, but it may take them a few minutes to ‘warm up’ to u, just to simply notice. You could have ‘love at first sight’ with someone who has already ‘warmed up’, but i find this is more reliable. The world is full of overlooked beautiful souls that back out and feel they are rejected to early.

In a way it is sort of similar to ‘looking past appearances’, and embracing the ‘time delay’ of energy, and the fruit that energy bares. You can still have a physically attractive person, but this opens you up to more people, in my case, because the energy of multiple people, cultivating that energy into your body, is actually the only way to get an attractive person or any kind of relationship. If your in a situation that talking to someone that isn’t your type, helps you get connected to a group of people, it’s worth it, it opens doors to new friendships, and everyone feels better now that more energy is going around. You are not indebted to someone just because you have talked to them. I don’t want to lead someone on because i know what it’s like to be led on, but when it’s about making the group happy, you transcend all that. Socializing helps the good of the community.

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