Saying “I like you”

I was getting along great with this girl for months at this work training program (kind of a big community-ish place.) She was one of the few really positive forces in the direct physical proximity of my little life here. Things were great for a long time… and I decided finally to get a little more bold.. and ask her on a date. I wasn’t sure what she would say by any means. I saw her all the time. It almost felt obvious at this point.. to ask. But man… her reaction. It was silence for about a day. Then finally she said “I’m not looking to date anyone right now.”

Ok.. that’s fine. I told her that was ok. “I’m not in a hurry to date anyone now either.” I say. The thing is.. often girls just say that to get rid of you when they have some other specific reason to not be attracted to you. I just wanted to know a little more. And even as a friend, i wanted to get to know her more, as I had been doing before. We talked more, it seemed constructive, we agreed to be friends. It all sounds mostly cordial and good in the messages. She gave more then one reason for not wanting to date. Mainly it was that she “needed time to work on herself”. She really rubbed in the “just friends” things a bit too much. “lets just be friends.. and nothing else” Ok, I get it. ….But she was just sacred.. guys pressure her, sure, yeah.. I try not to take it personal. I do my best to sound confident.. but I’m really not an aggressive person. I just don’t like to be blown off in one or two sentences without more of a conversation about what actually just happened. just because we are not dating doesn’t mean i don’t vastly enjoy her company, being her friend, the things we talk about, as i had been doing up until then. she was a positive force in my little life here.

but yeah. it continues. it seems ok enough in the messages, rather good actually, respectful, articulate. yet when i see her throughout the day.. she is like physically running away from me, there is this very bad vibe, just when i happen to pass by her during the day. Things are not the same. it’s been over a week and she reacts like something really bad has happened.. just because i gave this “implication” i liked her. She is actually very chubby. I never said that to her that of course lol. And really she is very happy all the time and curvy (lol), and an uplifting force in my life in general.. she seems good with animals and kids. she says kind insightful things in group. she looks kind of innocent and cute but just starts rattling off all these really mature sounding things and topics without batting an eye. she looks like a big cute happy kid who like dancing to pop songs and eating lollie pops. but she has worked in hospitals. she can speak about any topic. she is serious. I thought she was like a hidden gem because you don’t notice her quality right away, or rather it has grown on me a lot. I feel very positive around her.. Lots of people can be driven in life by a kind of a stress or trauma, however you call it. She is very natural. She just looks healthy you know. I really feel for anyone with trauma like myself.. yet it is also true for me it is really healing to find one person like that who seems so grounded or ‘in nature’ kind of all the time.

I thought she would see this as a compliment, that i asked her on a date. Even if she said no. I didn’t have an expectation.. that was for sure. But i had waited months.. and my main concern was that she might think i didn’t actually like her and go for someone else who just had the balls to be more direct with her. I liked her more.. so i was taking my time. but knowing there are other guys out there.. that effects your process.

You have the right to say NO

AND you have the right to repair the damage

(a right to let them know why

and to talk things out between them and you)

A year ago i was actually in California, and i had met more then one great girl in my time there. it was some kind of serious miracle. I was forced to move back to New York. I am not a big fan of New York really. I like it.. but it is not the right place for me, maybe for a year or a few moths.. but not a place to grow up in unless you are already really confided about the way you life is going. lots of people to meet here.. but they are all busy. it’s a kind of illness, the constant busyness. I need warm weather.. chill vibes.. beaches.. year round. I have enough challenges already. The cold busy life of New York.. i wonder how it shaped me growing up over the years.. kept me more isolated… always trying to become something better.. cultivating that feeling that i didn’t matter.. afraid to seek out new groups. Eventually i did.. but man a nice environment really helps.

Even my cousin moved back to her home state because she said she couldn’t meet anyone in New York. many people she came across seemed to put work before family and relationships, they were preoccupied… the drive to “success” you might call it. For them they probably thought it made them sound more active.. the ambitions.. the devotion to work.. for her she wanted a family man. someone who valued the simple things. All those fast talking smart New Yorker’s probably thought they were making a good impression.. but there was something more obvious and basic missing.. and it is hard to know it.. when it is so apart of you.. i grew up inside it.. in California things were “better enough” that it helps me to see more clearly that there was a different way. that life really could feel easy or natural in relationship. It was like I moving my inner “tree” into the sunlight, when for so long i had been growing crooked in the dark. But i couldn’t afford to keep living there.

My life in general is a mess. out of control.. but i have to see the best in it. I live in these chaotic community homes… one to the next. this one is better then the last. That’s why i really wanted a friend like this girl. Someone so natural and stable. There are a few other people here i feel that way about.. but they are like my “superiors”.. people i “work under” so it is confusing asking if they want to hang out. they don’t ask me to hang out. there is actually even a rule that i can’t ride in their cars so it is super awkward and a little sad. also sad that i work under people younger then me who feel like they are friends, but like I’m not even allowed in their cars. there are lots of group activities but that isn’t always my jam. You want to feel like you can do the things you want to in your free time… and a few people in the group are really off the walls. Like a few specific people talking loudly over other people or randomly circling around the room being distrating. So all that chaos.. and the need for something calm and powerful.. put more pressure on finding a friend like this girl. the one person who is normal to talk to.. and not my superior. Like this happy ball of sunshine that just randomly dropped into my universe. but i had to make a choice about weather to be honest about liking her. I thought it might help move things along. If she had been feeling shy.

This girl, she kept saying that she needed to “work on herself” but it has been months since her last break up. i was never like.. in a hurry to “get with her”, never like in a hurry to “bang” her or something lol. I’m the type of person who could be contended with just for the pure joy of being around a person. It can feel so good to just finally have the company of a cute girl on a consistent basis. but her response.. brings up questions… what freaked her out so much? Does she see me as a preditor? Does she think i am disgusting that she has to over her eyes from me and run?

Before i asked her on a date two weeks ago.. we were taking with some regularity, making eye contact, comfortable in close proximity thorough the day, it was great, consistent, natural.. until i told her i liked her. I told her a bit more about my self. and asked a few question to get to know a bit more about where she was coming from and it all felt pretty mature and good for for the most part. and now when i see her in person she reacts like she is disgusted by me. and what really gets under my skin is that when she talks in the workshops here.. she sounds quite wise and mature, I am impressed by her. She says she wants a relationship where she can “talk about trauma,” because that is healthy to do.

Society doesn’t teach people how to handle these situations. i mean just the way this has been handled was extremely traumatic. talk about trauma. It feels like my gut is telling me that if her response is this brutal simply to a guy liking her.. that she doesn’t really understand the value of the relationships that continue to come her way just because she is cute. Society will never tell her to handle it better or to be kinder. Like she gets relationship after relationship (with guys who end up cheating on her)… and hopes for something better.. but takes it for granted, that there will always be another one,  guys will be asking her out.. so she can brutally blow off someone for all time if the timing isn’t right. it’s one thing when it’s not a good time for her. but sometimes it is like they really just mean “never”. i told her i was learning things and could use time to work on myself to.. that i wasn’t in a hurry. This type of thing just happens way to often. there are a lot of people in my area… but this was the person i had serious ongoing chemistry with. In California there were way more girls. but it was never easy. I was single until i was 29. I dated a girl for a few months once.

But yeah what is with this pattern of getting close to a girl.. but then it is like she is devastated to find out that you like her… It feels really fucked up. Like i am not her friend at all now. and i hear her talk about it and it feels like everyone among her it telling her this is the right thing for her to do. we had good vibes before. i never -needed- to date her. i don’t need it at this moment. but i need to feel like girls find me attractive. it is very confusing.. when you do everything right and are single for 29 years. I can tell by how this girl talks that she has blown off other men this this cold sudden kind of way.. and she is upset that most of them get angry. when i handed it very cordially and kept up a dynamic soothing dialogue.. she still treats me like we are in high-school.. like running away.. like holding a grudge. it effects me.. because i have no friends in this area.. she was also a true friend here.. now it is like she would rather hang out with the local retarded guy, not that there is anything wrong with being retarded, but this guy is also really obsessions.. but she feels safe with him? because she knows he won’t ask her out? what the hell. she and i are like the most normal people at this place. i just needed a friend and got over excited i guess.

I don’t need a relationship with anyone. but it feels like i can’t even be her friend now. you would think it would have been a compliment. she has the right to say no. but it feels like she was so hurt by it.. and we should be able to talk about that. why it hurt. or even better.. simply change the topic.. but stay as friends. i really don’t have a lot of friends in my physical proximity right now.. and i was really vibing with her for a long time. she’s just the right kind of natural person that I need to be around right now.. even just as a friend. we humans have got to stick together. this life is hard enough. loneliness is real. that was really all i needed.. i was just afraid she would think i didn’t like her. and any day the irony is that some guy who likes her less then i do could have asked her out.. because he would have been less invested in the result of what she says. that’s where it got complicated. otherwise i could have kept being her friend far longer before saying a thing. she is kind of goofy and chubby and I really do like her and I thought maybe she didn’t think she was good enough. man the roles have reversed like 180. I can’t argue with it or get in the habit of trying to prove i am good enough. Everyone has the right to say no. it is a lot more confusing when you have been getting along with someone for a long time.. and you see them every day. It feels like it would bring more relief to talk through this type of thing. there is no reason why she needs to be afraid of me.. and we see each other all the time.. it just makes things more uncomfortable.. it makes me feel bad.. and she had potential to be a true friend. It’s annoying to have to regret telling someone “i like you” but if you never tell them.. you will regret that too.

It brings up a lot of questions. like if you ask a girl out. and feel a great vibe with her. and she tells you it is not a good time in her life. and then starts to feel really conflicted and uneasy just knowing that you liked her.. like maybe guilty, it probably brought up a lot of questions.. like things that went wrong in past relationships she isn’t read to even start to think about. but then some other guy asks her out a year later when it is a good time for her. when she has worked out her demons. and then it is true love forever. so much of love seems like circumstantial.. being in the right place at the right time. i have been aware of this even since i was much younger… like say 17. love feels very natural.. but like society doesn’t give us the right way to talk about it or make time for it. We want the same things.. but if the timing isn’t right.. it can go very wrong.. people who like each other could become almost like enemies.. because you don’t really talk to the other person.. you trigger each other.. one person feels worthless and rejected.. the other person feels pressured and controlled. you both could be in agreement. but you don’t know it because you are afraid to speak to the other

You just have to hope that it is the “right time” for someone.. and it all starts to feel so totally random.. but when you actually see the person like in reality.. beyond what society tells us.. you feel a real connection.. something that is real and healthy and important.. even just being there friend.. seems to attract more good things into life for both people. I find it hard to talk to her.. because she runs away. it freaks me out. that she is doing that. like an overreaction. i feel like because she is not talking to me.. she just be imagining something much darker is going on. like she can’t know what i am thinking. she probably thinks i am pressuring and controlling her.. not handling a rejection well. I was really happy just the way things were. it is really silly. it feels like not talking about it is creating way more pain. but society will tell her “you have the right to say no. you have the right to reject” but that isn’t the actual quetsino here. that is a distraction. how do you mend a friendship? how do you repair a connection to someone? Before this we had a positive mutually beneficial connection.. that had been sorly lacking in my life for a long time. us humans gotta stick together in this crazy world. For guys the term “just friends” hurts.. it hurts a lot. And it is something that should be spoken about honestly. but it doesn’t mean that we are “in a hurry to bang” or “need” to pressure a specific person into a relationship. “wanting” relationship doesn’t make you “entitled” but i feel like society seems seems to strongly imply that it does. it is hard.. but it feels like guys and girls should be able to talk openly about this type of thing. like we are hiding in our triggers and triggering each other.. when the irony of it all is that the two of us are actually in agreement.. but she is a bit younger then me.. she is more afraid.. she is afraid to talk to me.. won’t actually told to me.. so she is probably imagining that i am this guy pressuring her into something she doesn’t want. stuff that isn’t there. I don’t like to wait this out forever. but i feel afraid to just walk up and talk to her. too much bad ju ju. like this girl will literally run away and it will make it so much worse. what did i ever do to disserve this? lol

So i saw her today. She  was walking by. It had been on my mind a lot. Why was she afraid? had i really upset her? I got her attention .. she didn’t actually run away this time. she smiled or walked closer or something like that. I told her i was afraid i had upset her.. and that i felt bad about it. i waned her to know that i was in agreement with her that we could be friends, and that i had no ill wishes to her. that she didn’t have anything to fear from me.

And she said “yes everything is good. it’s good. we are in agreement.” something like that. it felt positive. my eyes met hers it felt good. it was almost too brief. she was walking to the office where the have lollipops. she has a habit of going there once or twice a day to get a pop. she seemed in a hurry to get there. like that pop was more excieting then i was.

this brought another question to mind. perhaps she wasn’t that troubled by me at all. was it possible that i was simply such in inconsequential element in her life that none of this had really even effected her. it felt like she had been afraid of me.. but maybe that was combining with the fact that she was simply indifferent about me. that was equally scary. she seemed in a hurry to get to that pop. but i felt great. it felt like we were in fact on good terms now. even it it was resolved in just two sentience. now i had got it off my chest. a better version of what i had meant to say seven days ago before she stopped reading my message.

i felt good. it felt like something had been repaired. it wasn’t even as wrong as i thought. now i didn’t have to read too much into her actions or expression. it might be natural or reflexive for her to want to look the other way.. know that she knows i like her.. that we had that conflict. her trauma is feeling pressured into relationships. my trauma is feeling rejected and lacking relationship. We have opposite traumas. We triggered each other. it is sad. that we have to be so different and oppisite. like tragic irony. But it was never really “personal”. and we are actually in agreement that we both could use a friend right now.. and that is more important then dating anyone. (LOL of course i do want a relationship as a guy who as been single the vast majoirty of his life.. obviously that is only natural.. but i mean i agree that i have no specific NEED for it to be her.. or for it to be “now”) It is normal that you may not want to date a person.. but i don’t think girls like her always realize that there can be intense hidden implications behind what she says that can leave people feeling hurt.. that’s why it is good to talk about it. for her it is not a good time. she has unloved business. but some guys are used to being alone.. used to rejecting.. it is hard not for it to feel personal. and at the end of the day.. even just the friendship with a nice girl can feel very rewarding if you have been single so long. And it can lead to you feeling positive and actually attracting relationships with more people.. having friends of the other sex.. it is not necessarily bad to be friends with someone you like. i mean.. sometimes i can like 5 or 10 different girls and be friends with all of them. it has happened before. and it feels very positive.. and you end up not focusing too much on anybody. guess what.. they are all taken. who cares. it still made my life better.

i feel good about it. it’s an improvement. i go onto facebook. she handed unfriended me so i felt that maybe what she said and what she felt could be different things. i clicked on her profile. I’m just broad. i don’t have that many friends her. i was thinking about relationship. and the connections i have here. at least i could feel good that i am her friend again. then i noticed it said “message (her name) if you know her”. she had unfriended me. she had actually unfriended me over this and i didn’t even notice. we had only just friended a few weeks ago. that was so extreme. if anything i thought this might have brought us closer. we wanted different things but that is normal.. i had used it as a segway to talk to her about a variety of things in that conversion seven days ago.. we talked about why we were here.. what we wanted out of it.. something else.. i can’t remember. it was brilliant really, how much better i am at this. i was turning the negative into a positive. I could sell that conversion in a dating skills book.

but yeah then it felt like she was actually afraid of me. talking to her was great. but now i notice that she actually is not my friend anymore on the internet. she is younger then me. this is very normal for some girls. things get very dramatic. I knew somebody that would unfriend even her closest friends any time they had a big argument. I’ve never unfriend anyone. its sad. how happy and normal she seems. stuff like this is what makes me question that we are in fact on “good terms”. it feels very immature and ridiculous.. but i am short on options here. if i was in California.. i was meeting way more chill happy people there. this is not the place for me. i knew that from the start… i had no choice. I’m trying to focus on the good relationships i do have here. What is the purpose of this story? I feel like this type of situation comes up a lot though, and at the least it makes a good story.. at best we learn something profound about society and it helps us all find better relationships LOL.

 

Getting high on what the group thinks

Trading in Better Judgment to get High on Group Opinions; the riptide of an unrealized/unfun and overly disciplined community

When groups gather and unite in their beliefs it creates a high feeling in every person. This can be amazing. Yet this also has a history of backfiring, in cases of Natzis or people ‘drinking the kool-aid’, people disregard science, their own intuition or health, or the heath of outsiders for the sake of uniting in their group, the high feeling this brings. The group mind-frame or shared opinion itself becomes magnetic powerful even addictive, because thinking of it links us back to all those memories and feelings of the energy that came from people, we associate the idea, the pill, the chore or the activity with the energy high.. instead of associating that good feeling with people themselves; we become intoxicated on whatever the group thinks, even when it is detrimental the the planet.

Some of these group mentalities are obvious, like when people used to believe the earth was flat or the earth was the center of the universe and reject other ideas or people that still don’t believe in evolution… yet many of these ‘group mentalities’ that are just as absurd remain hidden, they have a way of blending in and seeming passable if you are not the victim of them, we don’t notice the suffering this copycat behavior causes. They get taken for fact. Sometimes we distrust even our long term friends in favor of mass public opinion, the things our fathers were told by their fathers who were told by there fathers. Things doctors told other doctors. And scholars told other scholars. “It is true… because they have a PHD. Argo, what they say = true.” “This idea has been around, it has ‘worked’ for so many hundreds or thousands of years, so that must be proof of it’s effectiveness” we naturally think, yet an underlying element is being masked, the contagiousness of mass human thinking, and the tendency to cling to the familiar in favor of the unknown. The familiar is safe. It has been ‘good enough’ for the ‘majority’ for ‘majority’ of the time. And what about those ‘suicide rates’ in the world… those poor people, people without a choice or a hope, well… that’s on them bro. “That’s their fault for not trying harder.” yeah really. that’s what those with comfortable lifestyles would say. Even if what society does is “good enough” for the “many” there sill are huge demographics and populations that came into the world never standing a real change of survival or joy or giving back to the world in a way that makes them happy.

We hold onto the ‘familiar’, even to our detriment. The heart thrives on movement, change and play, this kind of ‘free form’, creative, silly human interaction.. without judgment without control… yet the fear of uncertainty exists on mass scale, it holds us back from our potential. It creates these large channels of control behavior throughout society. This needs a good term like ‘herd mentally’ or ‘mimesis’ or lemming behavior.. Perhaps ‘social riptide’. It’s like the undercurrent of something that is mostly good. I’ve also called it a false reward system, we keep coming back for a reward that seems close but is really impossibly far away, a horse that is chasing a carrot on a string. Countless people are pulled into these ruts of absurd routines that we all know don’t really make sense, yet it is just so hard to shift them, it’s easier to comply and accept our pay at the end of the day. We trade in fact or our better judgment, the whisper our heart is telling us.. for an pseudo feeling of contentedness created through preforming tasks that masses of others also take part in, it creates this sense of unity and power that is real, it adds up to being ‘good enough’ yet it prevents us from really questioning some of these menial tasks and beliefs, we give up on there being something better. The world is full of many depleted or even injured people that are being treated like they have some kind of mental problem. Some peoples lives are so devoid of fun and friendship that it becomes physically damaging over the years, then they are given some random label out of a hat like “autistic, add, bi-poloar, adhd, schizophrenic, psychotic, borderline personality” it gets repeated and repeated.

We are taught simplistic and pointless skills we already know. Treated like we are much less capable then we are. When I see a seriously injured or starving person I sometimes make the joke to myself “he must be autistic” because this is basically the way doctors think. It’s a cruel joke so I don’t say it, yet people are starving without relationship or meaning in their lives, living in constant low energy and stress.. and doctors call them “autistic”, they might as well be starving or victims of war and disease. This thinking keeps us focused on our own problems, it keeps us ‘self-improving’ instead of focusing on positive self image, having an I’m ‘already awesome’ mentality that is needed for healing, it keeps us insecure, it might all be ok if there was more value in creating fun safe healthy relationships in society. We learn to ‘prove’ our worth to other people, instead of how to enjoy being around people, we feel we are not ‘exciting’ or important enough already, we get caught in a stress loop of always improving, it’s never enough, it prevents us from taking time to really enjoy the feeling of having fun with others day after day, from that fun really charisma can blossom.

Yesterday someone my mom hired was teaching me how to “ask for things” so much of my life has been spent learning things I already know. At one point in high school someone came to my house to teach me how to sound out consonants and vowels, as though school wasn’t already an endless overflow of dry lifeless data. That was so random and condescending and my friend came over and had to just sit there watching it happening… trying to understand in her mind ‘why’… well i guess “he must need this” the only logical conclusion…

It feels like there just aren’t enough places where people gather just to have fun, there is always some demeaning label attached like “we are here to fix your learning disability or social disability” or something. These terms teach people they aren’t equal, they don’t have worth, they have to spend life “overcoming” themselves, overcoming something basic in their bodies, that we should dislike our selves or our own minds, this is a stressful way to live. You need to really love your body and mind, to see yourself as brilliant, (even if you have some sever brain damage) we really need this type of self loving view to heal. The ‘self-imploring’ view sounds great, yet it is a stressful way to live. I was just watching an interview and I read in the comments that the actor was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Great yet another person diagnosed with some redicilious disorder. As though he has ‘two personalities’. He probably just got tired over years of being teased for his unpopular roll, maybe years of being lonely, not finding meaning in our twisted society. You could call it ‘two personalities’ or you could just call it being angry. More like being really really angry and defeated in life.

Just doing what the group is doing all the time … it becomes too contrived, even when it sounds ‘right’ on the surface… we are all doing this because it is ‘right’, yet it can be ‘good enough’.. Being alone feels liberating at first (like when Elsa ‘lets it go!’), we can finally do whatever free creative thing we want, yet soon this too doesn’t feel right, we become lonely, worse, we become empty. Now we are just very alone. Our deep true enjoyment can only be found in private on a consistent basis, we forget that we can really ‘enjoy’ our-self around others in the struggle and chaos and conformity of it all. Either way we can’t win. Eventually we crawl back to society.

…There is a third option, to change society, but it doesn’t have to be all that overwhelming. Change society, or at lest, change the way you relate to it, not get pulled into the pressures that don’t feel right, yet still deeply relax and enjoy the company of people. It can start simply by changing the way we are around people. The ripple effect of an attitude, a way of being, and small daily actions. Change the world in little ways each day, make life better, for yourself and others, starting as simply as just ‘feeling’ what it is like to enjoy yourself.

We get this natural ‘high’ from connecting to ‘society’ simply because it involves many many people, we are this ‘social species’ weather we like it or not… yet that society that feels good instinctively to connect to… it is also full of habit, automation, drone behavior that is no where never its full creative potential. We trust the ‘word,’ the rules of society, when it is really the people in that society that are giving us the good feeling. That feeling is just the tip of what it could be, if each person followed their creative impulse together in the group. Having fun on the large adult scale is considered so unconventional in our current world. We can shift society.

The sleeping impulse for fun is in everyone. Our creative and compassionate potential is untapped in part because of the weight of the ancient patterns of many minds. And also because it is part of our learning. Having fun on the group scale is a technology in a way. A method of harnessing human energy. I call it the ‘light-play intelligence’. It is an intelligence of the heart. The heart is like an engine that runs on the ‘dual fuel’ of human energy and having fun. Having fun means having fun, yet also finding the fun in the practical tasks of life. It is natural, yet it can be learned. Learning why fun matters makes us more resilient to the habitual patterns that try to dry up our good time. Shifting just 10% of society is a movement for example, it is enough to make the spread become increasingly contagious. Putting values like self love self kindness, community creativity and equality first. So many people think they need to be better stronger faster smarter, the stressful rat race to nowhere. We can reprogram the world, we start by simply believing it is possible each day. Giving it time even when the effects seem small. The ripple effect is small at first yet it becomes increasingly powerful.

 
Natural Synergy healing “click for video”
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“If you could eliminate certain outside frequencies that interfered with our bodies, we would have greater resistance toward disease.” – Nikola Tesla

Drain & Stress Culture

 

Socially disconnected stress patterns, or trauma, are passed down through the generations. These traumas arise not exclusively from physical actions. Often these feelings of disconnect and resulting stress patterns can come from a general absence in the community. Something that didn’t happen. Stress patterns or habits have the guise of accomplishing something, making us better, when they actually keep us in disconnect, taking us away from our social and playful nature. These patterns involve a basic assumption of being ‘not already deserving’ of relationship. This assumption happens on an instinctive level for the human, it is all that is ever known, it is difficult to imagine a different way it could be. The water in which we swim.

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A few people don’t know they ‘belong’ and it spreads. Fear associations with people in the mind. The problem is in the mind, the solution is in the heart. These insecurities or traumas of absence take root in the foundation of entire civilizations. We think we need status or power to be attractive to or loved by others. Insecurity is everywhere so no one thinks to question it; like the water in which we swim. We never notice our own basic worth. The social value that we already have, simply by existing. This sea of biolight is everywhere, I can be connected the moment I walk into a space. More people means more potential biolight. More relaxed eye contact and play, means more biolight that circulates.

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In the West we prioritize academics and intellectual intelligence – ‘processing speed.’ We value the intellect, the mind, first. Instead of emotionally relating to each other, we end up treating ourselves and others like objects; problems to be fixed, successes to be accomplished, a competition to be won; instead of energetic creatures that need safety connection and play. We relate through our minds, the intellect is first. We accomplish things with will power and mental focus instead of allowing and receiving naturally occurring feelings of love or passion. The heart becomes secondary. There is no space or awareness to feel emotion in relation to each other, to know we are already deserving of this bond.

Education in our society is a product of the Industrial Age. We are ‘productivity’ focused. Producing honor students, that make it to the Ivy League, that run competitive business. Yet when some are the best, it implies others are the worst. We strive to achieve great success, because deep down we feel that we don’t ‘already matter.’ The focus on competition, achievement, intellect, could be seen as a type of nation wide insecurity, a social fear spanning across a nation, and beyond. We prioritize intelligence, status, and economic success as a culture to  socially validate ourselves. “What are you studying?” “Where do you work?” We ask these questions the moment someone walks in. We simply don’t know what else to talk about. As a culture we feel the need to compete and be the best. To validate ourselves. We want that feeling of recognition. It’s not wrong to want to feel good, to feel love. However going after it this way, it is always somehow beyond reach.  Some are able to thrive within this system, many are not. Yet even those who are beautiful, intelligent, successful, who achieve every standard, deep down they still feel confusion, insecurity. They are loved, they are famous, yet the attention they get feels like it comes for the wrong reasons. One finds popularity, fame, yet they don’t feel loved for who they already are. The fame actually becomes a burden. It feels like an act, that will at some point fall apart. Others get the money, the success, yet it doesn’t complete them, something is always missing.

Many of our struggles come from an over focus on the mind, and our solutions involve a focus on the mind. Instead of paying attention to the (energetic) needs of the heart, we as a culture focus on career achievement.  School, the therapeutic process, a business, and more, often become ways of a qualified person teaching a student specific skills which focus inwards on individual success. …When in fact I believe seeking out playful, creative relationship itself is the healing medicine that is needed and largely missing. We relate through knowledge and skills, that our in fact ways of socially qualifying, validating ourselves. We don’t value the relationship itself.  We only make eye contact when we have important words or clever statements. We do this because we don’t feel that we already matter in relation to each other.   Relationship is scary; it’s dynamic, not as solid and straight forward as a simple conversation tactic, multiple choice problem, or breathing exercise; yet relationship is the essential piece to well being.

Everything in Western culture encourages sitting still for long periods of time, schools, work, even movie theaters, restaurants. It is possible this prolonged culturally ingrained stillness creates an energetic drain on the body, (adding to the drain that is already there from social disconnect.) We value ourselves as separate individuals, the inward antisocial focus adds to the state of drain. Moving feels exhausting. Yet in truth not moving may be even more exhausting. We are creatures of movement. With prolonged stillness the body falls into an energetic depression, a slump. One can no longer identify that movement feels good. As creatures of play and movement, many times moving is less exhausting than staying still. I believe we should get in touch with the bodies natural playful movement in our life; Not running miles to be ‘productive,’ but simply expressing a little regular movement. Noticing that it feels good.

The productivity achievement focus in our culture drains the love that circulates in the community. There isn’t enough love energy (biolight, life force) going around to raise most people to a place of feeling naturally –secure-. When ‘anxious attachment’ (people who don’t feel deserving or safe in relationship) pervades in the community this gives rise to avoidant people. Being cut off from the current of social energy, these avoidant people live in a state of constant drain or low body energy. They receive no energy from the community (if you can call it a community.) They’ve never experienced a feeling of sustained safety and play in relation to people.

All too often these ‘no belonging’ people will develop all kinds of troubles and be identified as having a ‘brain disorder,’ when in many cases the underlying problem may be something much more basic. Many of what we call ‘brain disorders’ may be rooted in a basic social energetic absence. This is a quality of the heart and not a problem of the mechanics of the brain. A matter of not feeling safe or socially deserving, effecting the entire nervous system, creating a state of disconnect and drain.

The social confidence that does happen in our society is almost like a ‘happy accident.’ Love and play want to happen, but it’s almost by accident that stress patterns in some communities end up not being as bad, that love and play can naturally occur. Many people are aware of the importance of safety and play on an instinctive – emotional level, but not on a conscious level. These semi-secure people have confidence in relation to each other, in relation to other semi-secure people; yet their security falls apart in relation to an insecure person, or an insecure collective; (from anything to an extreme introvert, a bully, or even a business.) This conditional security many have is not a true recognition of basic human goodness, otherwise it would be powerful in and of itself and would spread and heal insecure people.

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It doesn’t have to take decades of self-discovery to become radiant. Some children and young people acquire qualities of confidence, charisma, and radiance immediately just based on their family, community, and environment; how happy and warm his or her community was.  We must learn to feel safe and light hearted in the gaze of others. To make eye contact without having to ‘earn it,’ because it benefits us and others, while at the same time listening to the needs of our hearts. With the right approach trauma or stress patterns / habits, and life long personal and relationship conflicts, can be healed fairly quickly. A life changing experience of play and safety can be created. We must give the heart what it needs. Fritz-Albert Popp’s Biophotonics, Stephen Porges’s Polyvagal theory, Diane Pool Heller’s Attachment Theory, and Heart Math research, and my own experience, are all beginning to show this. Leading to an energetic heart based understanding of the human body. (from Naturally Social)

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